


Found

by captainafroelf



Series: Rebehold The Stars [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Black Character(s), Bucky in Hiding, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Depression, Established Relationship, Fame, Female Character of Color, Female Friendship, Minor Character Death, Minor Natasha Romanov/Original Female Character(s), Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Multi, Nightmares, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Romance, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:23:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 65,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9275930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainafroelf/pseuds/captainafroelf
Summary: A missing actress and a former assassin fall in love and are separated from each other. But fate pulls them back together, and it is more than willing to test how hard they'll fight to keep it that way.





	1. Everyone Needs An Advocate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bang bang into the room

“You and I meet in odd places, Bucky Barnes.”

“Seems that way.”

Bucky sighed and let his head fall back. There was something demoralizing about there being glass between them. it was better than a phone booth but he looked like an animal in a cage. He thought he did, she didn’t.

It didn’t help him that she looked so beautiful that day. It didn’t help that she wore his dog tags or that she was dressed in clean pink and he was filthy and dressed in red. She looked like an angel, and he looked like someone with no chance of seeing heaven.

“You should go, Charlotte. The things I’ve done… I should be punished for them.”

She shook her head. “They’ll never punish the men who made you do those things, so why should you take any blame?”

“I still did it. I have to live with that.” He couldn’t even look her in the eyes. “Where’s Giselle?”

“Back in New York.”

“Why aren’t you there, too?”

“I wanted to be with you.” She reached out and put her hand to the glass and was promptly berated and told to stand behind the line, which she did. “You’ve done so much for me and I’m repaying a favor.”

He looked away. “You don’t owe me.”

“Maybe not… But I’m still here.”

She pressed her forehead against the cell. It was all so cold. There were people watching, and she did get berated again, but she just saw Bucky, she didn’t care about anyone else. A guard went up to peel her away.

“Let her stay.” Bucky demanded. " _Please_."

“Prisoners don’t get to make demands,” the guard told him.

A friendly voice came in through an intercom. “How about Tony Stark, huh? Let her stay.”

The guard reluctantly backed away, letting Charlotte stay close to cell, and close to Bucky for a little while longer.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Charlotte said. “I can’t stop worrying.”

“And here I was hoping you’d try.”

She raised her head. “Did you ?”

His jaw clenched and he finally looked into her eyes. “Not for a second.”

Charlotte smiled. If only she could kiss him, touch him. She wished she had the power of telepathy so that they could have this private moment with some degree of actual privacy. 

“I’m trying to talk to T’Challa but there’s apparently no evidence that anyone but you could’ve bombed the UN. It’s bizarre.”

“I didn’t.”

“I know that, but they don’t, and I have nothing to convince them with. Unfortunately, my position of being neither a lawyer nor an agent puts me in an odd place in terms of reputability. I’m getting you out of here, though.”

There was something she did omit about her conversation with her old friend T’Challa, the reason she'd been wringing her hands as she walked into the room for the first time, and that was the word ‘execution’ that kept getting passed around by agents in the hallway. There were murmurs that, if he were tried anywhere, Bucky would certainly be executed. So, Charlotte’s calm demeanor was hiding the fact that she was scared shitless for the man she loved.

“Charlotte, you have to go, the psychologist has arrived.” Tony said into her earpiece. “He’s not going anywhere, I promised you and Steve that much.”

“Okay, thank you, Tony.” Charlotte slipped her coat on, the yellow raincoat he first saw her in, and that was on purpose. “I have to go, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Don’t,” Bucky told her. She could see tears threatening to escape his eyes. “I need you to be safe, Charlotte. That’s what’s most important to me. Whatever happens to me, whatever they do, I want you alive and safe.”

“But, Bucky-”

“If anyone’s listening, make sure she gets back to the States tonight.”

Tony sighed. “You heard the man, Charlotte.”

“I’ll be way too far from you, I won't know what they're doing. Something feels very wrong about this, Bucky.”

It didn't feel wrong to him, it felt like everything made sense. He was in a cell, as he should be. The only thing that didn't quite fit was Charlotte, sweet Charlotte, who was so damn determined to prove to him and everyone else that he'd done nothing that warranted this fate. She was the crack in his armor that he didn't expect.

For her, he forced a grin and blinked the tears away. “I’ll be fine. You’re still wearing my dog tags, I’m always with you.”

Pulling her face from the glass wall between them, Charlotte wiped her eyes, swallowed her fear, and stood with a bit of defeat in her posture. She didn’t know what the future held, and that terrified her. As she walked out, the shrink walked past her, politely excusing himself when they bumped shoulders, and a bad feeling covered her. But she was too far from Bucky to rescue him once her fear was realized.

* * *

 

It had been exactly six months since Charlotte last saw Bucky in Berlin, and ‘life as normal’ didn’t exist anymore. It took the form of her doing her usual activities and work with the thought of everything that’d happened looming over her. The last time she saw Bucky, he wasn’t even Bucky. He was something else entirely, something he hated. If he knew that was the last she’d see of him for so long, she couldn’t imagine how he’d feel.

He’d been cleared for the UN bombing, but there was still a warrant out for his arrest. She’d been questioned, Nat had been questioned, Tony had been questioned… She knew she was still on someone’s watchlist somewhere but it didn’t make a difference. She didn’t know where Bucky was, no one told her. She imagined that Steve, and the rest of the team that’d followed him to find Bucky, were difficult to get a hold of. Leaving her out of the loop was for her own protection, but it seemed like the anxiety attacks would kill her before the government could touch her anyway.

Despite all of that, she still had to wear gowns, put on makeup and smile for cameras.

“You sure you wanna go tonight?” Giselle asked her. They were both having makeup artists do their faces, and Giselle had been snapchatting for most of the night. “I mean, I get that someone has to show up for the Jones family, but… There’s gonna be questions asked.”

Charlotte nodded. “I’ve never missed the Commandos Memorial Ball. It’s for charity, G. Beyond legacy and all that, it’s doing good work for people who need it.”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself? Why can’t your mom go?”

“My mom hates these things. I used to go with Trip, and then when he died I started going with Steve…”

“I'm a _rockstar_ , Charlotte. According to most moms, I teach kids about Satan and try to sell them cocaine out of a van. Further-fucking-more, I am neither a Jones nor a Commando descendant, but you chose me.”

She smiled. “You’re a friend. Actually, I'd say you're _the_ friend.”

“Okay, good reason, but why not go with Tony? I thought he was like your bro or something.”

Charlotte bit her lip. “He’ll be there, just not with me. No, the two of us together is a meal for the press so we try to keep our public lives very separate.”

Giselle groaned. “Welcome to Hollywood, where you can only love your loved ones in the dark.”

“It’s the worst…” Charlotte paused to let the artist put on her lipstick, then smiled gratefully in the mirror. “They asked me to write a speech for tonight. I guess my spiel at Peggy’s funeral touched a heart or two.”

“Did you write one?”

“I did, but it’s a secret.”

“Oh fuck, what does it say?”

Charlotte giggled. “You’ll find out soon, relax.”

Giselle double checked her eyebrows. “I do not trust you. Like, I try to but it’s not realistic.” She hugged her makeup artist and sent him off. “Out of curiosity, is Natasha going to be in attendance at this gala?”

Charlotte sighed. “G, I’m not saying you can’t get Nat but, uh…”

Giselle gasped. “Are you saying I don’t have enough game for it?”

“I’m not saying that either, honey!”

“She’s hot, I’m hot. We could be hot together.”

“You could be… Fine, if you end up with Nat, I’ll give you twenty bucks.”

She smiled. “Betting over ‘getting with’ someone is gross and misogynistic, but you just made me twenty bucks richer so I’ll stoop just this once.”

Charlotte’s makeup and hair was finished and she stepped back to look at herself in the mirror. Her gown was a cream colored floor length Grecian style gown with draped off-shoulder sleeves and a gold belt made to look like the leaves on a grapevine. Her rosy curls were pinned to the side, her eyeliner was silver, and she’d sprayed on body glitter for a bit of fun.

When she was on her own all those months, she wondered if there was anything she missed about fame, and when she returned she realized that it was all the excuses to wear gowns.

“You’re like an escaped forest nymph.” Giselle said. “The princess of a space kingdom. You're Padme Amidala.”

Charlotte smiled and G took a picture with her phone. “You’re quite the photographer lately.”

She shrugged and sent a text to someone before setting her phone down. “Someone in this apartment has to be when we both look this good, dude.”

Giselle was wearing a turquoise pantsuit with gold pumps and her hair was up in two buns. She took a quick selfie for instagram and then pulled Charlotte into another before getting a text from someone Charlotte didn’t recognize.

“G, you have a friend named Silver?” Charlotte questioned.

Giselle rolled her eyes. “One of your best friends and your boyfriend both fought alongside your _grandpa,_ and you think it’s weird that I have a friend named Silver?”

“Touché, but that was a low blow.”

* * *

 

Charlotte and Giselle arrived at the gala and paparazzi swarmed. It was Charlotte’s first major appearance since the fragmenting of the Avengers, and everyone had questions that she didn’t want to answer. Giselle stuck close to her just in case she started to panic.

“G, once we get in you gotta pass me a stick of gum.”

She scoffed. “I’d rather pass you a pocketknife to keep some of these assholes away…”

Charlotte giggled. “Did you bring a knife?”

“Nah, I brought these piercing eyes of mine though.”

The crowd swarmed away from Charlotte when another car pulled up. Charlotte looked back to see who it was, and none other than Tony Stark stepped out. He politely addressed the reporters, taking questions from behind dark designer sunglasses and a fitted Tom Ford suit. Even as a kid, Charlotte admired the way he handled himself on red carpets with massive amounts of confidence that she could never quite seem to muster. Her natural state was timidity, even if that conflicted with her line of work.

Tony looked up at Charlotte and grinned before quickly making his way up to her, causing the swarm of lights and reporters to follow him back to her side. “Lottie, I was worried you wouldn’t show up.” Tony told her. “I need someone here to make me feel less famous by comparison.”

Charlotte couldn’t help but smile. “Here I was thinking you didn’t want to be seen with me, at least not after what I said about the Accords.”

“We've had worse arguments, Charlotte. Have you seen yourself tonight? C'mon. If all else fails we can just flash the middle finger at them like we used to.”

“I’m mid-damage control, Tony.”

“Hmm, I’m mid-damage, are you sure we’re not related?”

They posed for a few pictures and then they all walked into the gala together. Giselle immediately broke off from the trio when she spotted Natasha across the room, leaving Charlotte with Tony.

“Good to see Giselle is as ambitious as I remember her,” Tony said.

Charlotte sighed. “She’s got big dreams, that one.”

“You heard anything about your boyfriend?”

She shook her head and leaned in. “Heard anything from Steve?”

Tony shook his head and spotted the bar. “Want a drink?”

“Maybe later.”

“Would you care to follow me to the bar, anyway? See, if I'm talking to you, it'll prevent other people from thinking that they can talk to me and-"

"I get it, asshole, just walk."

They walked over to the bar and Charlotte leaned on the counter and watched Tony make himself a drink, after he extended one last invitation to her, of course. "You are taking great care of yourself, I must say.”

“Right, and you very much aren’t,” she said. “Tony, are there bags under those sunglasses?”

"Yes, they're designer."

She slowly took the glasses off to look at his bloodshot eyes. “Jesus…”

He scoffed. “Sleep is overrated. You should try powering through forty hours of hard work without breaks.”

“Tony!”

“Lottie, I am a busy man.” He took a took a long sip of his drink. “I’d love to get a 'good night’s rest’, but I have to maintain the remaining members of the team, upgrade security, guard secrets, reconcile with Pepper-”

He cut off and Charlotte frowned, feeling that she shouldn’t have pressed him. This was tough on them both, she needed to be sensitive, at least more than she had been.

She put her hand on his shoulder. “You’ve broken up before,” she said. “I doubt there’s anything that could keep you apart forever.”

“And you and Barnes? Your verdict on that?”

“My verdict is that I want him to recover, wherever he is.”

Tony nodded. After that, he wasn’t sure what else to say. What more could he say? “He’s lucky to have you. I hope he knows that wherever he is.”

The organizer came up to Charlotte and told her it was time for her to speak. She pulled Tony into a hug and he hugged her back.

“What’s this for?”

“I don’t know… I just feel like you haven’t gotten one of these in a while.”

“Sure you’re not the one who needs it?”

“Just take the hug, asshole.” She patted his back and started following the coordinator backstage. “You owe me lunch, Stank.”

“Not you too.”

She smiled over her shoulder. “You thought Rhodey would keep that to himself? _Tragic_.”

* * *

 

Charlotte stood backstage, reading over her speech multiple times to be sure it was perfect. Her hands were shaking, Giselle tried convincing her that she would be fine.

“You’ve made loads of speeches, don’t freak out.” Giselle told her. “Paper to eyes, eyes to brain, brain to vocal chords.”

Charlotte nodded. “Paper to eyes, eyes to brain, brain to vocal chords.”

Charlotte stood up straighter and prepared to walk out when the music stopped playing. “To introduce our next speaker, please welcome to the stage, Tony Stark!”. She jumped a bit when she felt a supportive hand touch her back before Tony walked past her with a smirk.

She grinned and shook her head. “I should’ve known… Bastard.”

Tony stepped behind the podium and looked back at Charlotte one last time before beginning. “I’ve fought an army of aliens and robots, and I’ve never been more scared than I am now because she’s going to kill me if I say anything wrong.”

It felt good to laugh, seeing Tony up there calmed Charlotte down. She felt like she had an advocate.

“They let me write my own intro and I’ll keep it brief but just know that keeping a description of Charlotte Jones brief is very difficult. We grew up together, I see her as my giggly annoying little sister. The world, however, sees her as a superstar, and they should. She oozes talent and beauty and kindness. She has had infinite patience with me over the years, which is no small feat… Let’s be real here, Charlotte Jones is a Commando. She carries the spirit of them all. Their intellect, kindness, and resistance to obstacles. My father wasn’t officially a Commando but I’m sure he’d say she has his star quality.

“Charlotte’s great, and we all know she is, but only a few of us know that she’s great beyond being an actress and a singer. She’s been through hell, and I doubt she feels that she’s completely out of it, but she’s here. She’s alive. We’re fortunate to get to listen to her tonight. I could go on but the stage manager is being passive aggressive so I am proud to introduce, my kid sister, Charlotte Jones.”

Tony stepped away from the podium and Charlotte stepped forward. The audience gave her a warm welcome and she hugged her friend before he left the stage to her.

She looked out into the sea of people, of dignitaries and donors, and she wondered what they thought they knew about her. Did they see her and see her nudes? Did they see her depression? Did they wonder where she’d been since the Winter Soldier broke free from a prison in Berlin, and since Steve Rogers and half of the Avengers team disappeared to find him? Did they think she knew more than she’d led them to believe?

“Thanks Tony, it is such an honor to be an adopted Stark,” she began with a bit of a giggle. “It’s amazing to see so many people here, it gives me a lot of hope for these charities and for the memory of the Howling Commandos and their service. By being here tonight you not only pledge money but you uphold the spirit of people like my grandfather who have fought in the name of goodness, and in the name of humanity. They fought when winning seemed impossible and when everyone told them not to…

“It’s been a strange few months, I must say. I’m sure you have all heard different things about Captain Steve Rogers and his actions and whereabouts. You’ve heard the narrative of an American icon going against his country, disappearing when they still need him. I’ve even heard some call him a traitor. But I say that those who spread that version of the story don’t know Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, or the Howling Commandos. Tonight I’m going to tell you how Captain America is doing exactly what he has always done.

“Before falling into the hands of Hydra, Bucky Barnes was the boy next door. A charming, ridiculously handsome Brooklyn Jewish boy who loved dancing, technology, and could do computations in his head easier than most people despite only having about an eighth grade education. He had a wonderful family. He had a bright future and an exemplary military record. He and Steve were brothers, with a bond I hope some of us will get to experience. The Howling Commandos were formed after Steve Rogers disobeyed direct orders, walking into the line of fire on his own to save his best friend. That was the base for what became the iconic team. They worked because they had a kinship. After years on the field, they knew each other as well as family, and none tighter than Steve and Bucky.

“Some of you may wonder what that ghost has to do with the Winter Soldier figure you see today, and with Cap’s disappearance. But, as someone who loves Steve Rogers and… loves Bucky Barnes despite not having met him, I don’t wonder that at all. Steve is doing what he has always done. Fighting for someone else before himself, often doing reckless, stupid things for someone else. My grandfather, without a doubt, would have understood. He would have done the same in Steve’s place. This protectiveness of one another, of kin, is what strengthens us as a species.

“Tonight, while we are here celebrating fine legacies carved out by men like Steve Rogers, my grandfather, Howard Stark, and Bucky Barnes, there’s a warrant out for Steve and Bucky’s arrests. None of you in here can change that. I can’t either. But we have to think about what it is that we’re really doing here tonight and long after we leave. We’re here tonight to give, and to honor the sacrifices of the Howling Commandos, but that is more than just charitable donation, it takes words and it actions. Actions that challenge what we are told. We should be bearers of the memory of the dead who protected us, but also advocates for the living who continue to do so, and the fallen heroes who need our support and not our condemnation or else we’re all hypocrites.

“This has all been weighing so heavily on my heart and my conscience. I keep wondering what my grandfather would say. I think he would say something like, 'Princess, the only person you need to listen to is you’… So I am here to say to you, the press, and the government, that if supporting Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes is a criminal act, then I will gladly be a criminal… And I hope all of you will join me. Thank you.”

Murmurs and applause filled the room and Charlotte left the stage in a rush. Backstage, Giselle, Natasha, and Tony were waiting for her. The other speakers and guests backstage were staring at her as if she’d just admitted to knowing where Steve and Bucky were.

“That was so crazy!” G said. “You killed it, babe, you really did.”

Natasha nodded. “It was quite the speech, and a risk, you know that, right?”

“I know,” she replied. “I knew that when I wrote it, but some risks are worth taking.”

Tony patted her on the shoulder, and she tried smiling at him, but all of the eyes on her were starting to feel invasive. Charlotte just needed to get away from people for a moment, she needed to find her center. She cleared her throat and took her clutch from Giselle’s hands.

“Where’s the damn bathroom in this place?” she asked.

Natasha pointed her in the right direction and she started heading for the bathroom.

She rushed to the bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty. She leaned over the sink and looked at herself in the mirror, then reached into her clutch, and pulled out Bucky’s dog tags, running her thumb over the imprint of his name. _You’re a risk worth taking…_

Once she felt grounded again, she washed her hands and blinked away the tears that were forming in her eyes. Then she walked back out to where Tony was waiting for her alone.

She laughed. “Oh _God_ , where did Giselle take Natasha?”

He shrugged. “Giselle said something about drinks, then said something in Russian, Nat looked amused, and they disappeared.”

Charlotte pouted. “I feel like I’m gonna owe G twenty bucks tomorrow morning and I hate that.”

“Speaking of drinks…”

She shook her head. “None for me, dude, I think I’m gonna go home early. I’ve had more than enough of all of this for tonight.”

“You need a ride?”

“No, I’ll just get a cab or something, I need to get out of here.”

She started walking away but Tony stopped her, pulling her back. He had that look of a concerned parent that she always hated because Tony wasn’t her parent, even if he was concerned. “You aren’t sinking into quicksand, are you?”

She shook her head and pulled out her phone. “I’m trying to keep myself from sinking into quicksand.”

He leaned in and lowered his voice. “Charlotte, I know you’ve been lying to people about seeing a therapist because I’ve been lying to people about seeing a therapist. I don’t know if it works for me but it sure as hell isn’t a good look on you, sweetheart.”

She turned away from him. “Call me, okay? I meant what I said about you owing me lunch.”

Not quite ready to give up on her, but willing to wait for another chance, Tony nodded. “Tomorrow sound good to you?”

“Deal, but only if Rhodey comes.”

“I always knew you liked him more than me.”

“There’s a lot of people I like more than you, Tony. Doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments, my crops are dying


	2. Smokescreens and Hair Dye

Charlotte found herself waking up in the middle of the night regularly. Sometimes it was due to nightmares, sometimes she would just wake up. There was almost nothing she could do to get back to sleep except wait for the moment of alertness to pass. Giselle hadn’t come home. She’d sent Charlotte a text informing her that she owed her twenty dollars whenever she managed to stumble back to the apartment. If she weren’t so tired, she would’ve sent an enthusiastic text back, but it seemed that even the body keeping her walking was confused as to why she was doing it.

Looking back on how hard she rode Tony for not sleeping, she felt like the world’s worst hypocrite. But it was all part of the performance. If she could use someone else’s problems as a smokescreen she would, every single time.

She walked to the kitchen and put a kettle of water on the stove-top for tea. Tea usually helped although she’d found herself burning her fingertips on the steam on more than one occasion. The first time it hurt, but it felt good to feel anything at all.

Of course, thinking like that pushed her back to square one, back before Romania and before Bucky, and she refused to go back to who she was before that. That seemed like a different life.

She wasn’t necessarily happy now, no. Bucky didn’t fix everything, but he opened so many doors.

She leaned on the cold kitchen counter in her underwear and an old t-shirt signed by the crew of a film she’d been in ages ago, waiting for the kettle to whistle. Her heels slid across the cold floor tiles, and she held her mug in her hands desperately trying to will her body back to sleep, but she was stuck in between. It was that odd place where she felt as if she were dreaming with her eyes open.

It felt too familiar, leaning on the counter waiting for the kettle to whistle. She could smell Bucky’s fresh smelling soap like he’d just stepped out of her shower. She could see him cautiously, despite the fact that they’d been a bit more than intimate, walk up to her. Him silently asking for permission before leaning in to kiss her.

Then the kettle whistled and it was all gone.

She just wanted to _know_ that he was okay.

* * *

 

Tony’s car pulled up to the curb and the back windows rolled down. With a raised eyebrow over his dark sunglasses, he smirked at Charlotte who’d been sitting on her stoop waiting for him.

“You called for a cab?”

“Don’t make me cancel,” she warned him. “I look good but I am more than willing to stay home and wait for G to come back from her wild night with Natasha.”

“She actually managed it, huh?” Tony asked.

“Unfortunately for me, yes she did.”

“I listened to her band for the first time the other day, they did a great cover of Paranoid by Black Sabbath.”

Charlotte smiled. “Oh yeah, I was there when they recorded that.”

“It was badass. Tell her I said that.”

“I don’t think she’ll care but I’ll pass on the message.”

“Are you getting in the car or planning to ride on the roof?”

She shielded her eyes from the sun and peered into the backseat. “I was promised Colonel James Rhodes and I don’t seem him, why’s that?”

Rhodey, who’d been sitting on the other side of the backseat, unbuckled and shimmied towards the window where Charlotte could plainly see him. “He has me sitting so far from him, Charlotte.”

She shook her head. “Such a white guy.”

“He’s _so_ racist, I told him that before we pulled up here.”

Tony grinned. He chose these friends. He did this to himself. “Are you two quite done?”

Charlotte scoffed and the driver opened the door for her to hop in. She dusted off the backside of her plum colored dress and hopped off the stoop, high heels clacking against the pavement. Tony slid into the middle leaving her room to squeeze next to him.

“Ooh, Rhodey, now the _white man_ wants us to be done.”

Rhodey sucked his teeth. “Be gentle with him, he forgot to take his vitamin B12 this morning.”

“Aww, poor Stank.”

“Aren’t you two adults?” Tony asked.

“Wow!” Charlotte exclaimed.

Rhodey shook his head. “That’s rich coming from you.”

The car pulled off into traffic, just nearly getting hit by a biker. “Jesus Christ, New York needs better bike lanes…” Charlotte said under her breath.

“You planning to start biking again?” Tony asked.

She shook her head. “I haven’t ridden a bike since I started dating Aaron and he insisted I be driven everywhere. Seeing how people drive in this city, I think that’s the one piece of his advice I might actually keep.”

Rhodey snarled. “Right, that guy. What a man. Is he paying you what he’s supposed to?”

“Yup. Poor thing’s almost broke though. He’s having a hard time getting clients since I told everyone that he’s a twisted abusive dickhead.” She rubbed the inner corners of her tired eyes, being careful not to smudge her makeup. That concealer was saving her from a lot of hard questions. “But I don’t need his money anyway. I got the lead in a new indie film.”

Tony grinned. “Congratulations, Lottie.”

“Thank you. I have to do screen tests soon, which is always weird. But I’m hoping that if I like some of the crew I could possibly steal them for a passion project I’ve been working on.” Tony and Rhodey both smiled. “A secret passion project.”

“Lottie, no!”

She giggled. “I told my parents, but that’s it. You have their numbers, Tony, you can call them if you want.”

“I just might pay them a visit.”

“Go ahead, my mom has lots of questions about the Paris incident.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Why did you tell her about the-”

“I was drinking.”

“Charlotte, I'd rather not have to explain to your amazing, graceful mother how we ended up in a sex dungeon at 2 AM.”

Rhodey gasped and Charlotte burst into laughter. “To be completely honest, I'm still very fuzzy on that myself.”

“I really thought it was a nightclub.”

“It was a club that meets at night. You weren't wrong.”

“How long ago was this?” Rhodey asked. “Where the hell was I?”

Tony tapped his fingers against his chin. “It was… 2013?” She nodded. “2013, Paris fashion week.”

“A sex dungeon… sounds like you two, I shouldn't be surprised.”

“Google maps had it listed under nightclubs, don't blame us.”

“Yeah, don't blame us, blame Tony. Only Tony. No one but Tony.”

The restaurant was a few minutes away, and it was rather swanky. Tony opted to reserve a seat by the window, Charlotte was touched that he'd remembered how much she loved to stare out the window at the people walking by, but she shouldn't have been surprised.

Rhodey pulled out Charlotte's chair for her, and she extended a grin to the waiter, making him blush.

“You can't do that to him, Lottie, he's working.” Tony said. “Can you tone down your face for a second?”

“Just wait until he finds out how good of a tipper she is,” Rhodey said.

“Wait, hold on a fucking second, Charlotte Cherié Jones, your birthday is next week.” She looked down at the menu and let out a deep sigh. “So what are our plans?”

“Sleeping, Tony.”

“Oh c'mon.”

“I'm not in the mood for my birthday this year.”

Charlotte was usually the queen of birthdays. She'd go all out for her friends and her friends would go all out for her. Birthdays especially held a lot of meaning when her depression started to worsen because each year felt like one she'd thought she would never get to see. But this birthday felt strange and lacking because there was only one person she wanted to celebrate with, he was nowhere she could find him, and half of her closest friends, the people she loved the most, had run off behind him.

When she got back from Bucharest, the world had moved on, and she couldn’t quite figure out where she fit in the new way of things. She hadn’t felt grounded since Aaron burst into her apartment that day.

Rhodey’s phone started to buzz and he excused himself from the table. Tony leaned in as soon as he was gone, and Charlotte prepared herself for the inevitable lecture from her big brother.

“Something we need to talk about?”

The waiter came by and took their drink orders and Charlotte was hoping Rhodey would be back by then but it must have been a long phone call. Tony was staring at her, trying to get a read on her face.

“Average hours of sleep?” he asked her.

“Enough to get by.”

He chuckled. “Well, now you _really_ sound like me. Aside from missing your boyfriend, what else plagues you?”

She chewed on the inside of her mouth, drawing a bit of blood. It stung when she swiped it with her tongue, and she hissed a bit but didn't flinch. “I’m fine, just the same old, same old, same as it ever was.”

“You know what that sounds like to me, don’t you?”

She looked up at him, pleading for him to understand and pleading for him to drop the conversation. “I know what it sounds like.”

“Charlotte are you hurting yourself?”

“No! Not that I haven’t thought about it…” She felt herself beginning to cry and tried so hard to force it back down into her chest. “You’re so busy and G is so busy with her new album. My parents are busy. Half the Avengers are gone. Bucky’s gone. I’m right where everyone left me, not moving.”

“Maybe you should meet someone new.”

She shook her head. “All they’ll do is leave. I’ll become too much or life will get in the way. That’s how it always happens.”

“Hey, Charlotte, I’m not going anywhere, kid.” Tony told her. “Anything you need, come to me.”

Rhodey came back and Tony tried thinking of something else to say to her. “You ever get a phone call from someone clearly standing at a train station and wonder why it is they think you can understand them?”

Charlotte laughed. “G does that _constantly_. Train stations, airports, backstage areas… I think she’s just so used to noise that she thinks everyone else. But that’s her thing.”

Tony nodded. “Everyone finds their thing eventually.”

* * *

 

Charlotte got home a few hours later, carrying her heels in her hand. She could hear the beat of music playing from inside, so she knew Giselle was home. Once inside she could faintly smell hair dye, and there was a Gorillaz vinyl spinning on the record player in the living room, so Giselle really was home.

“Hey G!” she shouted over the music.

“Lotsa Love, you’re home!” Giselle squealed. “I’m dying my hair lavender, come in here.”

Charlotte walked into the kitchen and Giselle was bent over the kitchen sink washing out the dye. “Lavender, that’s new.”

“Do you ever have sex so good it makes you re-think your life? That was me this morning. I rolled out of Nat’s bed, got dressed, kissed her goodbye, and drove to a hair supply store and bought the closest thing to lavender that I could find.” She turned off the water and grabbed a towel. “You look great, how was brunch?”

“It was fun, I had this delicious red wine that I forgot the name of.”

“You gotta start writing these things down.”

She sighed. “I’m just glad I can stay home for the next few days.”

Giselle giggled and wrapped the towel around her head, then started washing the sink. Between the two of them, it was a miracle that the kitchen sink was permanently stained with at least four colors. “Did you forget your own birthday, Charlie?”

She groaned. “That’s not until next week.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be busy next week with the album, so I wanna do something for you this weekend. I already got your gift, do you want a party? Big or small? Or both! We could do both.”

“Sounds like you’ve already decided on both.”

“I _did_ start making a guest list in my head, I’m sorry, did you not want that?”

Charlotte grinned. “It’ll be fun. A party in the day and a sleepover at night.”

Giselle gasped. “That’s even better than my idea.”

“What was your-”

“Don’t worry about it, just know it involved strippers.”


	3. Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what we would call a "flashback"

**Three Months Earlier**

“You are the only thing that could make me feel safe anymore.”

Of all the words she'd said, those were the first ones he recalled once he was himself again, and all those words did was make him feel like shit, because she couldn't possibly have felt that anymore. She'd seen the worst of him now, the part that was corrupted, the part that killed like a machine without a trace of remorse. How could anyone feel safe around someone with that living inside of them?

He couldn't remember exactly how he'd gotten away from Steve or the authorities, it was done in an adrenaline rush that clouded his judgement. He'd cooperated. He told Steve everything that he felt needed to be said. The moment his metal hand was free of that vice, and Sam and Steve's heads were turned, he'd bolted off. Everything after that was muddy, but he found himself in France, and that's where he found Charlotte.

Not _actual_ Charlotte, but a picture of her on a magazine cover, like he did before he first saw her in the flesh. She was topless, with her back turned to the camera, staring over her shoulder at it with a soft vulnerability. Her candy pink hair was slicked and straight, cascading behind her like a veil. When he wasn't himself, he must have forgotten how she affected him, because he felt so calm looking at her. Some of tension in him released.

He didn't have money, so he couldn't buy it, and if he'd stolen it that would have been a red flag. So, he committed it to memory, and moved on.

* * *

 

Somehow he'd managed to get on a boat to the states. Only one sailor found him, but didn't recognize him and took pity because he looked homeless. As soon as they docked in Boston, he made a run for it. He found new clothes and some money lying around and, after a few days, managed to scrape up enough to get a train to New York. He caught a glimpse of the news while he was there. Steve and his friends were still looking for him in Europe. He felt bad for leading them on this chase but, for some reason, his instincts were drawing him back to New York.

He found himself wandering Manhattan, sticking to crowds and alleys where he wouldn't completely stand out. By night he'd reached a quiet street, under the streetlamps the only thing anyone could see was anything not covered by the shadow of his dark hoodie. A car pulled up to an apartment behind him, and he heard a familiar voice step out.

“G, all I'm saying is, at the end of the fucking day, the Foo Fighters have built off of the platform that Nirvana left behind and improved upon it.”

“Ugh…”

“It makes sense that they’d be better, at least musically, because Nirvana was a pure garage band and Foo Fighters are mostly studio. No one's saying that Dave Grohl is as poetic or influential as Kurt Cobain.”

“This conversation was dead to me the moment you allowed your ass to say 'Foo Fighters are better than Nirvana’.”

He ducked behind a corner and looked out at them, it was Charlotte and Giselle with boxes of records from a great day of shopping. They walked up the steps to the front door and Giselle handed Charlotte her keys before running back to the car, presumably to unload something else. Charlotte went inside, and he peeked around the corner at her.

Of course he knew this was wrong, but he couldn't look away. He caught the back of her in a pair of jeans and a long cardigan. She turned for a split second towards Giselle, and he saw her smiling. The sight alone made him raise his hand to his chest just to make sure his heart was still beating. He felt like a teenager again, pining over some dame, wanting nothing more than to hold her. 

With a resigned sigh, he turned and started walking away, and he’d made it about a block down when he heard someone running behind him, slowing, and then stopping.

“Bucky?” He turned around, Giselle was there. She stepped under a streetlamp and confirmed that it was him, then smiled. It was the first time he'd been recognized, he covered his face with his hood. “Charlotte can’t see us from here.”

They stared at each other, and Giselle gave him a moment to speak, but he didn't take it.

“I promised her she'd see you again.”

His voice shook. It’d been awhile since he’d talked to anyone, and he couldn’t project the way he needed to. Giselle moved closer when she saw him trying. “Does she still _want_ to see me?”

“Of course.” The footage that the news showed made him look so menacing, but she supposed a man in love loses that somehow. Although she knew better, in that moment she felt he couldn't hurt anyone even if he tried. He was lost, and she knew a thing or two about being lost. “Do you want to see her?”

He swallowed. “I do… but I'm afraid of what she’ll say.”

She grinned. “Admitting you're scared is the first step… Hold out your human arm for me.” He did as she asked. She pulled out a silver sharpie that she carried in case fans came up to her, and wrote her name down. “I’m no expert on burn phones but I’m assuming you know about them and how to get them.”

“Mmhmm…”

“I told you before how any friend of Charlotte’s is a friend of mine, right? I meant that. So, as long as you’re in New York, and whenever you feel ready to see her, just call me or text me.”

When she was done, he rolled his sleeve back down. “Giselle, I appreciate this but you could get in serious trouble for talking to me.”

“That's not bad in comparison to other things that I could easily get in trouble for. Besides, trouble for Charlotte is no trouble at all, and I know good places to hide.”

“Who do you work for?”

She shook her head. “No one, but I don’t come from a straightedge family like Charlotte’s, mine operated in the parts of New York that everyone ignores, that’s skin not easily shed, y’know?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Giselle, I know.”

Days later, Giselle was writing music in her studio, she was working hard on a song she'd planned to have Charlotte featured on, and she'd told most people she knew not to call or text her. So she was a little surprised when she got a text from an unknown number.

> _Thank you_

She smiled and saved the number to her phone under the name 'Silver'.


	4. Reds And Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy2tEP3I3DM (the song in the chapter)  
> sorry if this is shitty in places, i haven't gotten much sleep at all lately  
> ALSO HOLY SHIT!!! CONGRATULATIONS, MOONLIGHT!!!

Even before meeting Aaron, Charlotte preferred home. Parties were fun, they used to bring her drugs and give her a temporary escape from her thoughts. But parties ended, and home was always there. Home, wherever it happened to be, extended a warm hand when no one else did.

Lately, Charlotte had two homes: Giselle's and her parents house.

Her parents invited her over for dinner the day before her birthday party. She told them all about the party plans, and she gently sang blues songs while her dad cooked. Her preferred instrument was the piano, but she could strum her old acoustic guitar fairly well, and her voice was always sweet. It was twice as sweet when her dad started singing along.

 _“Oh I can't quit you baby, so I'm gonna put you down for awhile,”_ Charlotte sang.

Her dad took a deep breath. _“I said I can't quit you baby, so I guess I’m gonna have to put you down for awhile.”_

They joined together, harmonizing, _“Said you messed up my happy home, made me mistreat my only child.”_

Her mom walked down from their room with something behind her back, but she stood back and listened to them sing as her husband fried plantains.

_“Said you know I love you, baby. My love for you I could never hide. Oh, you know I love you, baby. My love for you I could never hide. When I feel you near me, little girl, I know you are my one desire.”_

Charlotte's mother set a pink gift bag on the counter beside her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Open it when you're done playing,” she said. “I wanna see your face when you open it.”

Charlotte smiled. “Now I'm nervous.”

“Don't be! It's from the both of us… And Tony.”

Charlotte stopped playing for a moment. “Tony pitched in?” Her parents nodded. “Not that I’m surprised but he’s usually big on taking credit for the things he does so I’d think he’d give it to me in person.”

Her dad turned his head over his shoulder. “He said he couldn’t make it to your party but he didn’t want you to not have the gift.”

She grinned and started strumming again. “That’s fair.”

“Speaking of singing, last night I found that old video of you performing 'Out Tonight' at that Broadway charity event you did like three years ago.”

Charlotte cringed. “Was that the one where Hugh Jackman was in the audience and I got way too into character?”

“He was cool about it.”

“That’s because he knew me! But imagine if we’d just met… His first impression would’ve been my crotch in tight blue pants, extremely close to his face. I’d rather forget… I wasn’t even drunk or anything that night, I don’t even have _that_ as an excuse.”

Her dad finished frying and put the plantains on a plate. “When we meet Bucky we’ll show him.”

 _“Do not_ , Bucky has seen none of my work and I’d like to keep it that way.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “Giselle and I watched one of my older movies just last night. It wasn’t too bad but that was the one I did right after I started dating Aaron and memories just came flooding through. For some reason that hit me so hard, y’know? I want to remember the work I did, but I don’t want to remember him. But I can’t help but remember him because his hand is on everything I did during those years.”

“Have you talked to your therapist about that?” her mom asked.

Charlotte cleared her throat. “Uh, not yet…”

“You should mention it.”

“I might…” She put on a false grin and stopped playing. “Alright, let’s see these birthday gifts.”

She held her guitar still while she reached her hand into the gift bag. Under all the pink and white paper, she felt the first card. It was in a solid gold envelope that made her roll her eyes.

“Tony’s really subtle and modest.”

She carefully opened it and it wasn't a card, but a letter, and a handwritten one at that.

 

 

> _Dear little sister,_
> 
> _I’m bad with words but you know my number. If you need to use it, use it._
> 
> _Happy Birthday,_
> 
> _Tony_
> 
> _P.S. Only one of your gifts is in the bag. I had to try and outdo your parents_

Charlotte smiled and reached back into the bag. She felt the neck of a wine bottle and lifted it out. Tony listened when she said how much she loved the wine at brunch the other day, she didn’t know why that surprised her, but it did.  “Where’s the other part of the gift?”

“In your room,” her mom replied. “Apparently, it’s special.”

Charlotte stood up and set her guitar down, then ran up to her bedroom.

There was a huge, immensely soft Iron Man bear on her bed, big enough to hug. She threw her arms around it and lifted it up, revealing another handwritten note.

 

 

> _(It simulates human body heat when you hold it)_

She smiled down at the card and squeezed her bear a little tighter. Tony really gave her a gift to make her feel less alone at night. He always acted as if he weren't sentimental, but Charlotte knew better. Her brother had a heart still, he pretended he didn't to keep himself safe. He couldn't bleed out the same way she did.

She laid the bear down on her bed, then went back to the kitchen and dug in the bag for her second envelope from her parents. Their envelope wasn’t gold, but a sweet pink, and the card had an origami owl on the front.

 

 

> _To our daughter,_
> 
> _You fill us with immense pride, and you've grown into the kind of badass woman we wish you'd seen more of as a child. Gabe would be so proud._
> 
> _Mom + Dad_

She smiled. “Y'all are really saps.”

Her dad laughed. “We love you too.”

Their gift was in a white box at the bottom of the bag. In case it was fragile, she didn't lift it out, she just opened the lid.

She stood back when she saw what was inside. Her mother smiled. “We were waiting for the perfect time to give it to you, and right now felt perfect.”

“Is that…”

“Try it on, baby girl!”

She lifted it from the bag, carefully and slowly, and just stared at it. It was her grandfather's old army jacket, in near mint condition. She was hesitant to put it on, as if it would fall to pieces the moment it touched someone who wasn’t her grandfather, but then she remembered that this wouldn’t have been the first time she’d worn the jacket.

He’d let it her try it on once before, when she was ten years old and asked her what she wanted to be when she was older. To which she replied, “You”.

She could picture the smile on his face as if it’d happened yesterday.

She slipped the jacket over her arms and reveled in the feeling of it. It was still pretty big on her, but it made her stand straighter. The weight felt like her grandfather’s embrace, gentle but powerful. The profoundness of the gift was certainly not lost on her, it almost felt like too much.

“Th-This should be in a frame, not on me.”

Her mother shook her head. “He’d want you to wear it, baby. You know he would.”

Charlotte looked down. “I don’t know if I deserve to wear it. If Trip was still alive, Pop-Pop would give it to him instead, he was the one saving people.”

“Don’t be silly!” her mother said, wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “You are who you are, just like Trip was who he was. You didn’t have to be a S.H.I.E.L.D agent to impress your grandfather. He went to the theater to see all of your movies. He saved pictures of you holding your awards. You carry his legacy. You said so yourself in that speech you made at the Commandos Ball.” On the verge of tears, Charlotte nodded. “So this is your jacket, Charlie. Wear it proudly. It’s your birthright, it’ll help you build your own legacy.”

Charlotte hugged her mom and then hugged her dad. “I just wish he was here to see it…”

* * *

 

Charlotte got back from her parents’ house when Giselle was starting to decorate for the first of two parties. They’d decided on a red theme, and G was testing out the red tinted mood lights. The door closing startled her slightly, and she almost fell from her step-ladder.

“Charlotte, I’m begging you to become one of those people who shouts ‘I’m home!’ when they walk through the door. That jacket is fucking incredible.”

“Thanks! You’ve been jumpy for days, G, you were jumpy all yesterday when we were shopping, constantly checking for texts like your kid just started middle school for the first time and you’re waiting for him to call and say he got shoved in a locker.”

Giselle sucked her teeth. “I watched _We Need To Talk About Kevin_ a few days ago and it made me paranoid, I can’t control that shit.”

“You’ve watched that movie at least twelve times. We went to the premiere together.”

She smirked. “You had a mad crush on Ezra Miller.” Charlotte glared. “I always wondered if that masturbation scene did anything for you.” Charlotte picked up a throw pillow and swatted G’s back.  “Whatever! The point is, nothing’s wrong. I’m not doing anything wrong. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“There is no war in Ba Sing Se.”

“Exactamundo.”

Charlotte kicked off her shoes and plopped down on the couch. “People who aren’t doing anything wrong don’t announce that they aren’t doing anything wrong, honey bun.”

“They do when they’re extremely sure they aren’t doing anything wrong.”

She giggled. “This is what you been up to all day, huh?”

“I had to keep myself busy. I ran a few last minute errands, met up with ‘Silver’, picked up some red pumps. I was productive, bitch, I was moving. I felt like Beyonce.” She noticed Charlotte’s bear and raised an eyebrow. “Is that a big teddy bear or a child in a teddy bear fursuit?”

“It’s a bear, it’s from Tony.”

“I should’ve known. Only a dick would give someone a big ass teddy bear dressed like themselves to a friend they deeply care for.”

“It was a sweet gesture, I’ll explain later. I also brought red wine.”

“God bless. Is that from Tony, too?”

“Yup.”

“I take back what I said about him being a dick, he’s really quite lovely.” She stepped down from the ladder and sat next to Charlotte. “Natasha’s coming to the sleepover.”

“How’d you get her to agree?”

“I made a pretty convincing argument as to why she should go.”

“Am I gonna meet ‘Silver’?”

Giselle chuckled. “Maybe.”

“Can I _see_ ‘Silver’?”

“How would you see ‘Silver’?”

Charlotte sat up. “Giselle, you’re a camera whore, you live for instagram.” she said. “You’re really telling me you have no selfies of you and the mysterious ‘Silver’ on your phone? You’ve been talking both to and about him pretty consistently for like two months now. That’s the longest you’ve talked to a man without getting bored or inviting him to join your fuckin’ band.”

“I can have male friends!”

“Historically? False.”

“Um… There’s my bandmates, and my brothers, and AJ…”

 _“Who_ is AJ?”

“My male friend, Charlotte. He’s my male friend. Actually, you've _met_ AJ. You met him before I did.” Charlotte thought about it, but it drew a blank. “Well you'll meet him again.”

Charlotte got up and started carrying her teddy bear to her bedroom. As soon as she left the room, Giselle sent a text to 'Silver’. “G, I'm not really in the mood for reunions.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “I dunno, I kinda like reunions, especially surprise ones.”

“Girl, when have you ever liked surprise anything?”

“I like surprises when I’m the one surprising someone.”

Charlotte returned to the living room and sat next to Giselle again. She couldn't stop thinking about how she'd lied to her parents again about going to therapy. The last time she'd lied about anything with them was when she was seriously considering taking her own life, and that scared the hell out of her. Still, she wasn't too keen on the idea of telling G what was going on either. G had an album to worry about. The noise she was planning to make was more important in that moment than whatever noise was in Charlotte's head. There was a deep sigh and then a pause. “Do you think I’m okay?”

“That’s a loaded question, Charlotte…”

“Do you think I’m better than I was when I left Aaron in that hotel is what I mean.”

Giselle nodded. “You’re more confident, you’re more perceptive... You’re more careful… Do you think you’re okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s cool to not know,” Giselle said. “Why? Do you not want the party anymore? I'll cancel if it's not good for you to-”

“No, it’ll be fun, I think I need a night to just relax. I haven’t done that in so long.”

Giselle smiled and decided to go back to work on the lights. “I hope the party helps, I really do.”

There was a thud in the distance, like the sound of something falling. It came from G’s studio. Giselle jumped like she did when Charlotte first came in, but she didn’t move to inspect it.

Charlotte stood up. Living in multiple cities made her sensitive to possible threats. She didn’t face many break-ins in Bucharest, but the one or two she had still shook her, and she was far too used to people trying to break into her places in New York.

“Did you hear that?”

“It’s probably a mic or something,” G said. “Not a big deal. These mic stands… Sometimes they topple at random.”

“I’ve never seen that.”

She rubbed the back of her neck. “You’re not paying enough attention to mic stand behavior, Charlotte, that ain’t nobody’s fault but your own..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony's gonna be so mad when he finds out what giselle got charlotte tho


	5. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wanted this to be special, i hope y'all like it

House parties don't let you fade into the background. They demand that you participate. Everyone can see you, see that you aren't dancing, see that you're panicked. House parties thrown in your honor hold double the pressure, like a thousand eyes in a room of less than fifty.

Charlotte was in her room. The party had just started, friends began to file in, all dressed in red. Anxiety was just starting to kick in, and she needed a moment to remind herself not to overcompensate. The moment she let her guard down, there would be opportunists, she learned that lesson already.

She was wearing a deep red slip dress with a cutout back that plunged to just above her waist. Her eyelids were glossed and rosy, and she decided to let her hair do it's own thing.

She walked into the living room and Giselle immediately ambushed her with a hug. “Anything happens tonight, feel free to leave, alright?”

“Alright.”

“You're the most important thing, if you're not comfortable none of this matters.”

Charlotte giggled. “G, it'll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” Charlotte said. “The party's not even twenty people.”

“Okay, I'm just letting you know “

Natasha was there and had already poured herself a glass of champagne. Charlotte hugged her and thanked her for coming on such short notice.

The redhead shrugged. “It's for you, so it's fine. Plus, Giselle already told me what the big gift was and I'm not about to miss something like that."

“I'm excited to see what it is, because she's been walking around here acting like she's saved birthdays forever.”

“She kinda has.”

Giselle, who was also DJ-ing, started the music off, and immediately Rhodey walked in.

“Just in time!” Natasha said, taking Charlotte's hand and walking over to him.

“Oh no…”

“Rhodes, you gotta dance.”

Charlotte pouted in his direction, and Rhodey caved. “Fine, but just cause you brought out the big guns.”

Once everyone arrived and was dancing, Charlotte was starting to ease up. Some of that nervous tension had worn. Everyone gave her space to breathe when it seemed like she'd need it.

Giselle invited her bandmates of course, which helped her to feel like she wasn't the weirdest person in the room.

Giselle’s drummer, Sean, was keeping Charlotte entertained while she poured a glass of red wine. “So I'm in there, dude's snorting a line and he turns to _me_ , the Black guy, and says 'Line’s open if you want it’... Like… What the fuck?”

She laughed. “You could've been one of those people who sees a drug and instantly feels compelled to call the police. That's fucking stupid.”

“It was wild, but that's why I skip after parties now.”

“After parties are lame anyway, especially if you lost. It just seems like everyone's waving their statues around.”

A man reached past Charlotte and grabbed the wine bottle. “Sorry!” she said, shifting out of his way.

“No, don't be, you're the birthday girl.”

She sucked her teeth. “Birthday girl or not, I'm in the way.”

“I don't need wine _that_ urgently.”

“Are you sure? It's good wine.” He laughed and she turned to face him. “Not to brag but it was a gift from Tony Stark.”

“That's not bragging?”

“Not when you've known Tony for years, ask Rhodey what I mean.” She raised an eyebrow. “Do we know each other? You seem familiar.”

“I'm AJ,” the man said. It didn't ring many bells for Charlotte, which seemed to surprise him. She couldn't imagine why. “I played your boyfriend in The Dare.”

It finally seemed to click and she grinned. “That's right! You died first but we had to keep redoing the take because the blood wasn't working properly.”

“And you ended up living until the end by killing the demon. Lucky you.”

Charlotte nodded. “Well, that was subversive, how many Black girls see the ends of horror films?”

“But I still died first and the movie has less than 30% on Rotten Tomatoes so was it really worth it for me?”

She giggled. “Your character _did_ wander off, the script used you as bait for the first reveal, it's an honor, really.”

He laughed. Charlotte had to admit that AJ was easy on the eyes. He had sharp brown eyes and dark curls shaved into a Depression era style that every other man from New York was attempting to make work. Still, she didn't find him particularly remarkable, just Hollywood pretty, and she didn't know him well enough to feel comfortable.

The movie they made together came out when she was seventeen, shot over the course of two weeks on a claustrophobic soundstage. Like most horror movies, it was tedious to make and all about physicality. She was the biggest name attached, besides a Kane Hodder cameo, but she remembered AJ. Mostly she vaguely remembered him trying to get her to crack for the gag reel.

She set her drink down and crossed her arms over her chest. After a moment of awkward silence, she’d half expected AJ to go back to the party, but he only moved closer to her.

“So, why’d you do it?” he asked her. She raised an eyebrow. “Run away?”

She shifted away from him and took a sip of her drink. “Wow, straight for the deeply personal. You're a keeper.”

“Was that invasive?”

“A little…”

AJ threw his hands up. “My bad, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm just curious. No one knows for sure. Everyone says you committed some crime and ran to save face but I doubt that’s true...”

She laughed nervously. “What are you? TMZ?” She could see the gears in his head turning, trying to dig himself out of this hole. She decided to help him. “You know Giselle from somewhere or do you just like to crash parties and ask women invasive questions when you aren’t acting?”

He nodded. “I was in her last video. Just, like, a 30 second cameo.”

“Hmm, you _auditioned_ for that?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm just asking because G likes to use friends, they'll ’work for less’.”

AJ snorted. “She's not wrong, though.”

“Not wrong, but not right either.”

“So how's the new life treating you so far?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I didn't go on a spiritual journey or anything, I just needed some air.”

“Well, I've never seen someone do it the way that you did. Completely abandoning the system? That's… Wild.”

“I think it's a little wilder that it even got to that point, don't you think?”

He shook his head. “It always gets to that point, but you broke, huh?”

“Yeah, I'm gonna go talk to someone else…”

“Wait, no, sorry. I just… get nervous around women.”

“In that case, maybe it would help to talk to Giselle. A lesbian’s not gonna sleep with you at all so there's no risk. Whereas I'm attracted to men and yet still won't sleep with you.”

He chuckled nervously. “I wasn't... _hoping_ you'd sleep with me.”

“Really? Because you're trying to get really personal with me hoping to find a vulnerability you can exploit and you're wearing one of those colognes with pheromones in them that my ex wore all the time.”

She took her glass and walked away. AJ’s grin faded as if he'd just been caught, and Sean patted him on the shoulder.

“Charlotte's sensitive to sleaze, don't take it personally.”

Charlotte tried looking for someone else to cling too but it seemed like everyone was preoccupied. Giselle was dancing with Natasha, Rhodey was talking music with one of her old friends from her sitcom days, everyone else was dancing and drinking and talking. Charlotte popped out of her shoes and sat on the couch with her wine, swirling it and staring into it in deep thought.

The scene felt too familiar. It was almost jarring. A few more glasses of wine and it would be deja vu. AJ’s cologne clung to her nose, making her imagine that Aaron was in the room, that any moment he’d saunter towards her and put an arm around her. Maybe an arm around her waist. Maybe an arm around her neck.

She needed some air.

The apartment had a balcony. She rarely ever used it because the paparazzi loved catching candid balcony shots of celebrities minding their own business, but she didn’t care. She went outside and took a deep breath, trying to get the smell off of her mind.

It was incredible that just the smell of Aaron could have this effect on her. She really thought she'd moved past it. Would she ever? She wasn't sure if she liked that thought.

She sipped her wine and stared down at the traffic and thought, for a split second, about how everyone she loved was in the room behind her, distracted. They wouldn’t even notice if she’d just made the jump…

“Charlie, you’re missing your jam.” Giselle said, stepping out onto the balcony with her. In the back, Charlotte could hear ‘Is This How You Feel’ by The Preatures playing in the living room, a song she normally would’ve dropped everything to sing along to. “Something up?”

Charlotte took another deep breath. She backed away from the balcony and tried to ground herself again. These moments happened on occasion, and out of nowhere. They made her feel completely disoriented. “A little, but I’m fine.”

“Sean told me what AJ said. I asked him to leave.”

“You didn’t have to do that, AJ’s your friend.”

“Sure, but you’re my sister, and it’s your birthday party, so fuck him.” Charlotte grinned and nudged G with her elbow. “I’m thinking he pre-gamed or something because he smelled kinda boozy when he walked in.”

“He seemed in his right mind to me, funny enough.”

“That’s the determination of a man trying to get some ass.” Giselle checked the time and then sent a text. “It’s almost eleven, so party number two is about to start. I put Rhodey in charge of gently suggesting that everyone leave before 11:30, he’s good at that shit.”

“It’s just you, me, and Nat?”

She nodded. “Mmhmm, just us girls and some wine and some s’mores and Kitchen Nightmares.”

“You still need to get marshmallows.” Charlotte reminded her.

Giselle grinned. “Yeah, that’s right, I’ll have to step out for a sec to get those. Nat said she’d walk with me and she knows how to kill a man in at least ten ways so are you chill with being here by yourself for a minute?”

Charlotte nodded, although she wasn’t completely sure given what she’d been thinking about right before Giselle joined her on the balcony. “I’ll be fine.”

Giselle squeezed her face. “I’m pretty drunk.”

“I know, G.”

“Squish… Squish…”

“G, _please_.”

She stopped squeezing her face and threw her arms around her. “I love you to bits, Charlotte.”

“No more for you, alright? You’ll be speaking straight Japanese in a second.”

Giselle stood back and flipped her hair. “Babe, when I speak any language, it’s _never_ straight.”

Charlotte shook her head and suppressed the laughter by rolling her tongue along the inside of her mouth. “I’m gonna tell you that joke when you sober up just to shame you for it.”

Rhodey walked out onto the balcony. "Hey, birthday girl, am I allowed to use force if they won't leave?"

* * *

After about twenty minutes, everyone left except for Charlotte, Giselle, and Natasha. Giselle and Natasha put on coats and comfortable shoes to run to the store and get marshmallows. Charlotte was stripped down to her pjs and sitting on the couch with her second glass of birthday wine. She was trying to cut herself some slack for leaving in the middle of her party. She tried reminding herself that the two options were get a breath of air or stay inside and have a panic attack. It help a little, but the wine helped a little more.

“You gonna be okay alone for like fifteen minutes?” G asked. “We’ll run there and run back.”

Charlotte grinned. “I’ll be fine.”

G nodded. “We’ll be right back, babe. Don’t burn the house down.”

Giselle and Natasha left and Charlotte did what she always did to block out the noise in her head, she turned on some music. She stood up and closed her eyes. If she just closed her eyes and shut down her brain she’d be fine again.

She moved with the music, not caring how she looked for just a moment. It was just her and the music now. Just free.

_Clink!_

She stopped and turned down the music. Then waited for a second noise. For a second, it was nothing, but then she heard the faint sound of something being poured into a cup, and it was definitely coming from the kitchen.

She turned the music back up to mask the sound of her walking. She didn’t want whoever was there to leave or get startled and attack her. Bucky taught her that being quiet was just as important as being a fighter when someone breaks in. It was important that you maintained control, that they never saw you coming.

She tightened her fists as she got closer, thumbs on the outside so that she didn’t break them. The kitchen was dark, but she heard the refrigerator door shut, so she wasn’t making it up. She saw the shadowy figure of what looked like a man by the sink. He raised the glass to his lips and from the light coming in through the window she saw that he’d just poured himself some water. His back was to her as she crept closer, ready to finally put everything Bucky and Steve taught her into practice.

“Doll, what kind of home invader pours himself a glass of water?” asked a familiar gruff voice that made Charlotte freeze.

Shaking, she turned on the light and saw that the man, who was still turned away from her, had long brown hair. He was wearing an old jacket, and one of his hands tapped against the sink, sounding more like metal than flesh and bone.

He put the cup in the sink and slowly turned around, and Charlotte felt herself getting lightheaded. “Bucky?”

He grinned. “Happy birthday, Charlotte.”

“Bucky?!” She blinked slowly and her vision blurred, and next thing she knew, Bucky was running to catch her.

She wasn't out long, she came to while she was still on the floor, and Bucky sat her up.

It all caught up to her eventually. She couldn’t believe her eyes, she almost thought she’d fallen asleep on the couch and this was all another cruel dream that would rip him away from her. So, she was afraid to get any closer to him. She moved backward and then stood up as best as she could. Bucky reached out to help her, but she pulled away.

“You alright?” he asked. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

She shook her head. “I just can't believe it's you…”

Bucky walked up to her. She could see tears brimming in his eyes, and bags from ages without a good night’s sleep. She doubted that he’d slept much at all since being in Berlin. He wasn’t cleanly shaven, in fact he was a bit scraggly, but he smelled fresh out of the shower.

She ran her fingers across his beard, through his hair, down the front of his chest, over his metal arm. She felt the plates shift and vibrate under her touch.

He held her face in his hands. “I had to see you.”

He leaned down and kissed her, cementing the reality for her. He wouldn’t let his lips leave hers for a moment, not even to breathe. She was more important.

Charlotte tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth, mouth curling into a wide, bright smile. He pressed his forehead to hers and let his thumbs run across her cheeks.

“How long have you been here? Who let you in?” 

He chuckled. “I’m ‘Silver’.”

She blinked in disbelief. “It was so obvious…”

“I talked to Giselle on a burn phone and she would send me pictures of you all the time, but it was never as good as the real thing.”

“Bucky, you missed me that much?”

“Yeah, Charlotte, I really did. So much so that I made the dumb decision to come see you in the position I'm in.”

“You weren't exactly in the best place when I last saw you but you're also not usually one for dumb decisions, what happened?”

There was a faint blush on his cheeks but his face didn't change. “I guess I have a weakness.”

“I missed you, too.”

“I love you.” He kept his eyes down. “What happened in Berlin…. You were never supposed to see that, Charlotte. I wanted to keep it away from you. I never wanted to scare you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t remember anything, but it didn't touch you, did it? Steve never told me if it did or not. He acted like he didn't want to.”

“Would you have believed him if he said 'no’?” Bucky shook his head. “You never touched me, Bucky. There isn't a scar on me that didn't exist before.”

He breathed in relief. “When I came back to my senses, I thought about that day on the roof where I came at you and you shrunk and how that made me so… _angry_. I thought about how Aaron treated you. I didn't want anyone to make you feel that way again. I was terrified that I did.”

“I'm not afraid of you, baby.”

“That wasn't even my worst fear…”

She shook her head. “It didn't happen, so we're not gonna talk about it.”

“I can't not talk about it, Charlotte. I thought that even if you never wanted to see me again, I would at least say sorry for that.”

“I'm sorry for leaving you alone like that,” she told him.

“Charlotte, c’mon…”

“I'm serious! All we've ever done is help each other, but after that happened I just left Berlin like you didn't need me. You deserved better than that.”

“Don't make that your problem, you were protecting yourself, I don't want you ever apologizing to me or anyone for protecting yourself, okay? You always run for the right reasons.” He grinned. “Besides, you were really ready to fight me when you walked in here.”

“I was, without a doubt, going to kick your ass.”

“That’s my girl.”

She giggled. "Steve's taught me a little bit of fighting, too. You were really in danger."

"Thank God you recognized me."

She ran her thumbs along the bags under his eyes. He kissed the palms of her hands as they brushed past his lips. “You look so tired. What have you been doing this whole time?”

“Hiding, running…”

“Not sleeping?”

“Not even a little.”

“Me either.”

He sighed. “So nothing’s changed.”

“No, not nothing. We’re together, that’s not nothing.” She kissed him again. “Let’s see how long it takes you to hate me.”

“That's not gonna happen.”

“It always does.”

“Not with me. When I was running I’d catch myself thinking about you. I thought I wouldn’t get to see you again. I thought I would never hear your voice. So I'm fighting for this.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I'm right where you left me,” she said. “I don't know if that helps you feel better.”

He nodded. “I had a feeling…”

“Not for lack of trying. I know you can't fix me, but you help me. Giselle, my parents, and Tony are all helping but they're not fucking wizards. They can't make me forget everything that's happened.”

“And I can?”

She shook her head. “I wouldn't put that on you, but you're helping me, in your own way, like they are. You're already making me forget the rest of this night... Would it be… Wait, no, you just got back from something so awful, of course it's too soon. What the fuck am I thinking?”

“What did you have in mind?”

She looked down. “I wanted you to make love to me again, but you only just got here so…” Bucky’s expression shifted to one of slight amusement as she kept babbling on. “... And I've had two glasses of wine, and it's been God knows how long..."

He shook his head and held up her chin. “Charlotte, I think you know how much I want you.”

Charlotte grinned. "Are you sure?"

He took her hands and started leading her toward her bedroom. "Let me take care of you."

"We'll take care of each other."

Once they were inside her room and the door was shut behind them, Charlotte first moved her bear off the bed and turned it so that it faced the wall, then it was a chuckling Bucky who initiated the kiss. It was a kiss much heavier than the last, and Charlotte lips curled up against his.

They wasted no time stripping off each other’s clothes. The amount of layers on Bucky made Charlotte laugh, which made him smile wider than he had in so long.

“God, I’ve missed that sound…” he said.

Once naked, Charlotte jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his hips. He walked her over to the bed and gently laid her down. His kisses slowed. His hands reverently brushed every inch of her dark skin, so soft, just as he remembered.

“Has anyone else done this with you?” he whispered.

“No, not since you, baby.”

He lifted his head up and looked into her eyes. This is when the tears started to roll down his face. She wiped them away as soon as they arrived. “You waited for me?”

“I love you, Bucky.” she told him. “You’re the only one I want.”

She could never understand how much that meant to him. He kissed her, his flesh and blood hand moved her hair from her face. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, then her lips, and then her chin. She giggled and closed her eyes as his kisses moved lower, down her neck, between her collarbones, between her breasts. He grinned up at her when he noticed her eyes flutter open, he pressed his forehead to her stomach to kiss her hips like someone who’d done a pilgrimage just to rest between her thighs.

His hands moved behind her thighs, pushing them apart, spreading her wide so that he could see everything. Although they’d been in this position before, Charlotte still felt like she was sharing this with him for the first time, watching him react as if it were new terrain.

He kissed her clit and she gasped. He hummed against her and used his tongue to spread her lips and go deeper. He rolled it slowly against her entrance, savoring the taste of her. While one hand kept her thighs spread, the metal one went to roll it’s thumb against her clit. Making her moan so sweetly.

He was focused, careful not be too rough or too quick. She was sensitive from time spent without this, she wasn’t going to last long anyway.

His mouth devoured her sweetness completely. Nothing went without being kissed, licked, sucked. He would roll his tongue inside of her entrance, making her toes curl, and her head fall back onto her pillow. Listening to her made him moan too.

His thumb sped up it’s ministrations on her clit. He watched her with darkened blue eyes half-lidded, waiting for her to reach the edge. She was getting closer, writhing against his mouth, thighs burning from contact with his beard, but it was pleasure to burn from his touch.

When she felt herself approaching her peak, she sat up, propping herself on her elbow and tangling her other hand in his hair, encouraging her lover to go faster, go deeper, anything to pull her over.

He did. Within a few strokes of his tongue, he had her calling his name, gripping his hair, and gripping the sheets hard as she came, releasing on his tongue and on his beard, which was already slick with her arousal.

He kept lapping at her, until her contractions slowed, and she pulled him up to kiss her. She could taste herself on his lips, and his fingers were still playing with her folds, so she moaned into his mouth.

She rolled him onto his back and started stroking his hard length. A breath caught in his throat and he groaned, “ _Fuck_ , Charlotte…”

“I need you inside of me.”

He bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, me too… Me too, sweetheart…”

She raised herself above his aching member and lowered herself down slowly. A long, loud moan escaped both of their lips, and they stayed like that for minute, while Charlotte’s hands tenderly ran down his chest.

“James…”

He raised his hips and thrust up into her. “Shit, sorry.”

Realizing what she’d done, she rolled her hips on him slowly, moaning out, “James…”

Now he was onto her. He started rolling his hips in rhythm with her’s, while she moaned his name over and over, louder and louder, the faster he went the higher the pitch became. Soon she was digging her nails into his chest, holding on as she rode him, occasionally looking down to look at his expression, he watched her with a hunger and adoration she would never get used to no matter how often they did this.

Soon they didn’t care if anyone walked in and heard them. They were alone in the world for a moment, minds clear, fears gone. Just for this moment.

Pulling out slightly, he rolled her on her back, then started thrusting into her at the same pace. She dug into the skin of his back, leaving red marks in the places she’d left them before. Her headboard hit the wall, and he dipped so that his pelvis brushed against her clit, and she saw stars. His head touched hers, his hair became a curtain around their faces which were suspended in expressions of pure ecstasy. She was close again, and this time she was pulling him with her.

They were really together again. It was tangible. No one could take it from them that night. It made two people, who felt so unstable, feel like something was finally aligning the way it was meant to.

“With me…” he whispered. “Please, cum with me…”

It didn’t take more than that, she came tumbling over the edge again, pulling him with her. He released in hard, erratic thrusts, then he stayed inside of her for a moment.

They caught their breaths and the rest of the world returned.

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” Bucky said in a dazed panic as he pulled out. “I-I came inside you, I wasn’t thinking.”

She smiled. “It’s not a big deal, baby. I’m on the pill and I can always get the morning after pill.” He breathed out a sigh of relief and she kissed his collar bones and chest. “Thank you.”

He kissed her forehead and rolled off of her. “My pleasure, Charlotte.”

She giggled. “'My pleasure’, that's for fucking sure.” That drew a genuine laugh from Bucky and Charlotte bit her bottom lip. “I’ll be right back, alright?”

“Alright.”

She went into the bathroom, after a moment he heard the shower running and decided to join her. She was startled by the sound of the shower door opening, but when she felt Bucky's chest pressed to her back she felt completely safe. He took her washcloth from her to clean her.

After their shower, they returned to bed, they were both so spent. Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her flush to him, then pulled the covers over their bodies.

Her bed was the softest he’d laid in in decades. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her tight, as if being even a bit loose with her would be like letting her go.

“I love you,” she said again.

“I love you, too.”

Completely soothed in each other's arms, they closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

Giselle and Natasha came back ten minutes later, and Giselle cracked open the bedroom door quietly, closing it again once she’d seen all she needed to see.

She covered her mouth to keep from squealing and Natasha grinned. “Are they together?”

Giselle nodded. “I think I just did something really good for the both of them..." She crossed her fingers. "Let's just hope nothing ruins it."


	6. Daylight

Bucky woke up early, the sunlight pulling him from the best sleep he'd had in ages. He looked down at Charlotte. She was laying on his chest with her ear pressed to his heart. He stroked her hair, gently, hoping she wouldn't wake up.

He shouldn't have come. Life wasn't as quiet here as it was when they met. Anywhere Bucky went, the target on his back followed.

For months he'd carried the weight of all he'd done on his back, he couldn't walk through a major city without passing a screen where a reporter would detail the exact nature of the Soldier’s crimes, _his_ crimes. He would hear passersby whisper all sorts of things about him, that he was beyond help, that he should've been put down on the spot. The worst part is that he agreed. He knew what he was capable of, and now he knew how easily he could be triggered, he really shouldn’t have come.

Charlotte shifted on top of  him, her warm body still fast asleep. She sighed sleepily and held onto him tighter, and his heart skipped a beat.

His heart… oh right, _that_ . _That's_ why he came.

It wasn't Charlotte's fault that he'd become so enamored with her, she was only kind to him, as it was in her nature to be. She was sweet, smart. Self-deprecating but not pretentious. She assumed the best in people. She listened. She comforted. Despite all she knew about him, she loved. Bucky couldn't remember the last time he'd been around someone so unconditionally tender.

She deserved better.

He stared up at the ceiling and started thinking about where he could run from here. It was harder to escape from New York but there were always ways out, like trains. Although those presented a risk of being recognized too. What would he even say to Charlotte? 'I have to leave, I'm too dangerous for you’?

‘Too dangerous’? Yeah, right. She didn't really believe that the last few times he'd said it, why should she believe that now?

His thoughts were cut short when he felt Charlotte peppering his neck with kisses. Suddenly, he couldn't fathom leaving her. He could barely wrap his mind around leaving the bed.

“Hmmm, mornin’,” he said. “Are you awake or are you dreaming?”

She sat up on top of him reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing a band to put her hair up in a bun. “I'm pretty sure I'm awake.” She looked so beautiful like this, naked and glowing, he found it hard to believe that he'd made her so happy. “I had a dream about Ireland. It was all quiet on the cliffside, but cold. Have you been?”

“To Ireland?”

“Yeah.”

He had, during the war, but only briefly, and that memory was practically a blurry slow moving film reel in his mind. “I can't remember.”

She cocked her head to the side. “What's on your mind?”

“Right now? You.”

“Really? Cause I'm thinking about bacon. Bacon sound good to you, Bucky?” Bucky grinned and sat up, putting his hands on her waist. He pulled her close and kissed her growling stomach while she played with his sex-tousled hair. “I need an answer or I’m making bacon for one, baby.”

He smiled, and it was a full, genuine smile. “Yeah, bacon sounds good.”

They got out of bed and put on some clothes. Then they moved to the kitchen where Charlotte got to work making batter for waffles to go with their bacon. Bucky watched her work, he would've offered to give her a hand but she was in the zone. The kitchen was pretty much hers. She sang as she worked, which was another thing Bucky had sorely missed.

She turned on the waffle maker and stirred the batter while she waited for it to heat up, turning to Bucky with a grin.“You can't keep staring at me like that.”

Bucky looked down but then looked back at her. “Can't help it.”

“I still can't believe you're here,” she told him. “It’s sort of making me nervous because I haven’t been this happy in a minute and I’m expecting something to come and fuck it up.”

“You deserve to be happy.”

She scoffed. “Can you tell the universe that?”

“What’s been going on?”

“I don't have too much news to tell you.”

“Is any of it good news?” She nodded. “Tell me that first.”

“I'm back to acting,” she said. “Luckily, I haven't lost my love of it, but I still hate auditions… Aaron's paying me as was ordered by the state of New York.”

A bit of pride straightened Bucky’s posture. “Heh, has his face healed?”

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “He looks like he was hit by two cars, that's what he's been telling people. So at least he's not a snitch.”

He shrugged. “Shouldn't have touched you. What happened with the… you know…”

“A court had most magazines pull them, but there's always the internet. I got some of the worst comments from people, but I also got a lot of support so I could live with that… There were a few incidents in the weeks after I got back to New York. Like, once I was on the subway and there were a few stares here and there, nothing I wasn't used to just from years of being who I am.  But there was one guy. He looked at me from over a magazine with my nudes on the cover, one of those sleazier ones like The Globe. He saw me and I didn't think anything of it at first, but he was getting off of the train and he stopped by me, put his hand on my ass, and whispered, 'It’s a shame these magazines have to censor the images, right?’.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “Did you say something back? Did you do something?”

She shook her head. “I didn't know what to say or what to do. I just felt so dirty. Then I felt stupid because I didn’t do anything.” She ran her fingers across the lettering on Bucky's dog tags, which she'd hung around her neck as she'd done each morning. “Turns out decent men are harder to come by than I always thought they were…”

“Yeah, I know, you woke up in bed with me, remember?” He grinned, hoping to add some levity to the moment. “Now had _I_ been there…”

“Had you been there, you’d be back in handcuffs.” Charlotte giggled. “You're about as decent as they come, Bucky, you're the most decent man I've ever met.”

He blushed a bit. “I think your standards may be too low, but thank you.”

She walked over to him, and he put his arm around her waist. “Nah, but how decent are you at frying bacon?”

“I haven't done it in a while.”

“Alright.”

“That’s a warning, Charlotte.”

She kissed him and went back to the waffle maker and Bucky went to the bacon. “I fully trust you not to burn the building down but I'll walk you through it just in case.”

He smiled. “So what you’re saying is that you don't trust me at all.”

“That's not what I said!”

“You didn't have to say it.”

“I trust you, Bucky! With my life, you know that.”

Although they were joking around, Bucky took that to heart. “Alright, Charlotte. Walk me through it.”

Bucky was attentive and a good listener so the bacon turned out perfectly and no one was hurt. They ate waffles and bacon with watermelon juice, and it was the best meal Bucky had in a long time.

Eventually, Giselle tumbled out of her room and into the kitchen where Bucky was listening closely to Charlotte tell a story with hearts in his eyes.

“... I didn't know how to tell the director that I'd been out drinking, right? And G was already on probation with the network for arguing with the producer so I didn't wanna snitch. So, me being hungover and also eighteen, I wrote a note saying I'd lost my voice, just to avoid them smelling the rum on my breath.”

Giselle sighed. “Yeah, she forgot alcohol makes your entire body smell not just your breath.” They turned to her and she grinned. “Morning.” Charlotte stopped everything and ran over to G, almost knocking her over with a hug. “Don't thank me, if Bucky wasn't so into you I never would've seen him.”

Charlotte smiled. “Don't sell yourself short. Only you'd come up with a mastermind plot like this, Umehara.”

“Yeah, you're probably right.” Giselle saw a few strips of bacon still sitting out and grabbed two. “I already told Silver this, and I’m sure you know, but we’re technically harboring an international fugitive. Now I’d rather not spend the rest of my life eating prison food in a mountain somewhere so you two are gonna have to keep those curtains closed and lips shut if this is gonna work. And I really do want it to work. If you wanna go out, you gotta cover up, shave, cut your hair, whatever. Other than that, do what you want, I’m not even here.”

“Thanks, G.”

She chewed at the fat of the bacon and waved the thanks away. “Seriously, it wasn’t even a problem. I’m gonna go write for a little bit. _Please_ don’t fuck in the kitchen, we eat here.” She pointed the bacon in Bucky’s direction. “Don’t let her trick you into thinking it’s cool to fuck in the kitchen. She thinks she’s cute.”

“Am I not?” Charlotte asked.

Giselle raised an eyebrow and started walking towards the studio. “Such a troublemaker you are, Rum-Breath...”

Charlotte took a sip of her juice. “Sorry, she doesn’t have a filter in the morning, or the afternoon, or ever, honestly.”

Bucky chuckled. “You’re happy here? With Giselle?”

“Yeah, it’s a great set-up, just until I feel comfortable enough to live on my own again,” she replied. “Bad things happen when I’m alone, y’know?”

Bucky stopped chewing for a moment and looked at her. “Bad things happen since we last saw each other?”

Charlotte cleared her throat. “No, um, not really? I mean, it could’ve been a bad thing, but it wasn’t…” She stopped herself and went back to eating. “But I don’t wanna talk about that right now. Where was I in that story?”

“Rum on your breath,” he replied, not dropping the issue but saving it for later. “You said you’d lost your voice.”

“Right! The director believed me. He accepted the entire bullshit story and I remember him saying ‘My wife has the same perfume’.”

Bucky snickered. “Christ...”

“That’s what I said.”

Charlotte stared at him for a moment, and he raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

She shrugged. “Giselle raised a good point about cutting your hair and, honestly, I’m not shabby with a pair of shears...”

* * *

It didn't take a bit of convincing, except to convince Giselle to lend her hair kit to her. Within an hour, Bucky had shaved down to the stubble, and Charlotte washed his hair in the shower. She said a few words of mourning for the long brown locks she'd grown so accustomed to, and reminded herself that the cut was for the best. She slowly, carefully started combing and shearing the wet hair. Singing a song as she went through and locks fell to the kitchen floor. Bucky closed his eyes and let her take control, feeling fully at ease under her hands. 

 _"Oh girl I don't know all the reasons why, I found the answer lookin' in your eye. I go out walking all day long. Take away this lonely man soon he will be gone. Cause I'll tell you everything about being free. Yes, I can see you girl, can you see me?"_ She giggled. "You're so still, I thought you'd be jittery."

"Jittery? With you?"

She smiled and went back to singing and cutting his hair. _"Put her in a mansion on top of the hill, please don't make her do things against her will, I found something special I don't know why, looking into her pretty little eye. Cause I'll tell you everything about living free..."_

When she was done cutting his hair, she blow dried it and took a long look at him. He grinned. "Does it look good?"

Charlotte smiled from ear to ear. His hair was really short now, about the length it was in the forties, except a bit more of a modern, curly cut. "This is the James Buchanan Barnes of the 2010s." She fluffed his hair with her fingers a bit. "That's a _man_ right there."

He pulled her onto his lap and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. The kiss got a bit rougher as his hands went lower and her fingers tugged at his freshly washed and cut hair. "Mmm, we're still in the kitchen, Charlotte..."

"We'll move it back to the bedroom eventually... I won't let G yell at you." Bucky laughed and used his metal arm to pick her up and start carrying her to the bedroom. Charlotte pulled away from the kiss and laughed. "Don't be scared of her, she's only like 5'4!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song she sang https://youtu.be/ThtGuKy27qk


	7. Futures, Forevers, and Unforeseen Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm aware that some of you are worried about upcoming chapters because i normally like to rip hearts out but i just wanna let y'all know that uh  
> well, anyway, enjoy this chapter

Charlotte was working on a small film shooting around the city. The close proximity to Manhattan worked out great for Bucky, who got to lay in bed with her without interruption, but it wasn't too great for Charlotte, who had to leave him in the morning. She slipped out of bed, got showered and dressed, then grabbed everything she needed for the day. When she’d slipped her shoes and her grandfather’s jacket on, she walked over to the bed and leaned over her sleeping boyfriend’s face, planting a gentle kiss to his cheek and rushing off.

When she got to the set, she was immediately met by the producer and director who both looked as if they were about to deliver the news of someone’s death to her. Pieces of equipment were being taken down and packed away. She sighed and pulled off her headphones.

“Am I off the movie?”

They shook their heads, but the director clarified with, “Hopefully not.”

They went on to explain that the guy meant to play her love interest was injured in a freak accident. He was fine but he was on crutches and, therefore, not able to shoot. He was also slated to do another film right after that, so he also had to drop out due to scheduling conflicts. She was understandably frustrated. This was her first lead role since coming back and it already looked like it would be shelved. She asked if they'd found anyone else, and the producer stepped forward.

“We've called a few guys, if any call back we'll call you and tell you when to show up to set. But we're staying here in the city, promise.”

Charlotte nodded. “Alright. Keep me posted."

"Do you want us to send you the short list?" asked the director.

"Yeah, that would help ease the anxiety."

"Cool, I'll email it to you before the end of the night with updates."

"Thank you."

Charlotte slung her bag back over her shoulder and turned to leave, when she felt a hand touch her arm.  "Charlotte," the director said. "Everyone in the industry really missed you."

"Yeah?" she asked. The Industry in question hadn't always been kind to her, even though she loved acting. The Industry is what brought her and Aaron together. Being a member of the Industry isolated her and pushed cameras into her face. "You learn something new everyday..." 

After leaving the set, Charlotte went off to get coffee and work on her screenplay. There were a few paparazzi out in front of the coffeeshop, shutters going off to capture the image of her just writing in peace with her espresso at her side. There was one photographer who pushed himself across the street for a closer look. He got closer and now Charlotte was distracted by the camera in her face, so she got up and moved to a corner in the back of the shop, where it would be mostly quiet.

She was halfway done at this point. Plowing through it with ease. She was the perfect person to write about her grandfather. He'd told her everything about the war, every single battle, every march, and every Commando. It was easy for her to paint the picture of her young grandfather, because she saw him as a character already. Those were her bedtime stories, and the best source of education. Of course, writing the screenplay dug up old memories, some not too good. But she was working through some of those bad memories in her own way, slowly but surely. 

"You're Charlotte Jones, right?" Charlotte looked up to see a little girl with braids in her hair holding a magazine and smiling shyly at her. She smiled back. "Can you sign this?"

"Yeah, sweetie!" She took the magazine and dug out a gold sharpie to sign the cover with. "What's your name?"

"Selena!"

"Pretty! Like the singer?"

"Yeah. It's not as pretty as your name."

"I think it's gorgeous."

"Thank you." Charlotte handed her the magazine back and the little girl clutched it to her chest. "My dad says you went away for a while because you were sad, are you still sad?"

Charlotte sighed. "I am... But it's getting better every day."

"When I'm sad, I watch something funny."

Charlotte grinned. She missed the days when it was that easy. When she was sad and all she had to do was paint her nails a different color or pick up a new hobby or ride her bike to feel better. Now she had to leave the entire country just to get a moment of peace. 

"That's a good way to feel better," Charlotte told her. "Watch something funny and eat candy right?"

Selena smiled and nodded. "But my dad doesn't let me have candy all the time."

Charlotte poked her dimples. "He's tryna save that smile of yours, doll." 

Selena hugged her and ran off, and Charlotte watched her go, hoping the little girl would never know exactly how she felt.

* * *

About two hours later, she headed home, only to find that the band was just leaving. Giselle did her usual send off by giving them all the middle finger and telling them to be back bright and early the next day. She noticed Charlotte walking down the hall and cocked her head to the side. 

“Aren’t you needed on set?”

Charlotte shook her head. “My co-star is on crutches.”

“Goddamnit…”

“I know. So filming’s been pushed back until they can find someone else and run screen tests.”

“Fuck, dude.”

“Yeah, it sucks, but I get to work on my own movie, read different scripts, and spend time with Bucky now that I’m basically free.”

Giselle leaned on the doorway. “Speaking of your boy, he’s such a sweetheart. He cleaned the entire kitchen, vacuumed, and did your laundry. I’ve never seen a man act like this before and it's new to me and I don't know how to react to it.”

Charlotte laughed. “He probably just needed to keep his hands busy.”

“Mmmhmm. Now you’re home for that. He’s in your room, hot stuff.”

Charlotte walked in, took off her shoes, and headed straight for her room. Bucky was sitting at the edge of the bed with her old heart shaped locket in his fingers. He pried it open and pulled out the tiny picture of Adam Rodriguez that she'd stuffed in there.

“I was a different person,” she explained. Bucky turned to her and smirked. “I did a few episodes of CSI Miami and fell temporarily in love with the guy.”

She walked over and sat next to him. He finally noticed her jacket and pulled it open to look at all the details.

“Where'd you find this?”

“My parents gave it to me.”

Bucky focused on the jacket for a moment, Charlotte figured that it must have brought back a memory or two. It was familiar to him, but again it was like looking through the memories of someone else, and that left him a little sad. But it was also Charlotte wearing it, so now he had a new memory tied to it, a beautiful one. He finally looked up at her and said, “Looks good on you.” Then he leaned in and kissed her.

“G told me you were busy today.”

“I did some cleaning.”

“You cleaned, like, half the apartment, baby. You don't have to pay your dues or anything, y’know?”

“It's the least I can do, you're taking a big risk."

Charlotte combed her fingers through his hair. “It might not be the safest thing in the world, but I'm happy you're here right now..." She cleared her throat. "I forgot to tell you that I'm writing a movie about Gabe.”

His eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah, I'm halfway done. It keeps pulling up memories.”

“Good ones?”

“Mostly. The old things I remember are all good, it's the more recent memories that fuck up my day."

“Something you wanna talk about?”

She shook her head. "But a little girl asked me if I was sad today, and I almost didn't know how to answer her..." She turned to him. “I was thinking about it the whole way here and I don't wanna hide anything from you, but I don't want you to be worried about me…”

Bucky sighed. “Just tell me. Tell me anything you want to.”

She shifted away from him for a bit. Of course, she trusted Bucky with this information but she also didn't want him to start blaming himself. "I'm having thoughts again..." she said. "It's on and off, usually triggered by something, so that's new, but they're back."

"How recent?"

She looked down. "Like an hour before you showed up in the kitchen."

Bucky reached out to her. "Come here, Charlotte.” She climbed into his lap and he pulled her right back into his arms. “First off, let me make this perfectly clear, I'm gonna worry about you whether you want me to or not." She snickered. "I'm serious."

"I know you are but, c'mon... You have your own problems to worry about."

"Yeah, I _did_ , but then I met a woman with pink hair who made me remember that I could care this much about someone else. So, tell me when you're feeling this way.”

“I will. I'm just so frustrated with myself! I thought I was better.”

“Sometimes it doesn't work that way," Bucky said. "Sometimes you can think something's behind you but it's not, it's just waiting for you to let your guard down... Doesn't _always_ mean there's something wrong with you."

She pressed her forehead to his. "Take your own advice."

"I'm not like you."

"Yes, I know, I've seen your arms many times. But you're my gentle-hearted man, and I know this bullshit isn't going to be forever for you."

"That's just you being you, sweetheart."

She smiled. "God, you're such a big softie. Speaking of which, you should cuddle with my bear sometime, it does wonders for the nerves.”

"I'd rather wait for you."

He started kissing her jaw and neck, and she quickly remembered something else she'd meant to tell him.  “I bought condoms, by the way, so you can stop panicking about the babies we aren't having.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn't panicking about the babies, just… you having babies _with me_.”

Charlotte grinned. "To be fair, the fucked up gene pool really flows in both directions."

Without the slightest hint of humor, Bucky replied, "Nothing coming from you can be fucked up."

She practically glowed from the compliment. No one had ever said something like that to her. "You realize that includes things that you would help with, so... babies." She kissed him on the forehead and took off her jacket. "Anyway, that's a fairly far off subject and I feel like taking a nap, do you?"

Bucky nodded. They both stripped down to their underwear and climbed under the covers. Charlotte snuggled into Bucky's chest and he rubbed her back, staring down at her. 

"I really miss that cat."

He chuckled. "I was thinking about Lil Buck earlier today."

"Were you _really_?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's settled, I'll raise the issue with G later. Oh, and Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know, if I have a future, I want you in it no matter what. So, if you're having 'thoughts' too, I'd like to know."

"I'll tell you."

* * *

 

 

 

> **To:** Charlotte
> 
> **From:** Edgar
> 
> **Subject:** SHORTLIST (w Updates)
> 
> Hey Charlotte, here's the list you asked for, I attached headshots. So far, options 3 and 4 have obligations. We have yet to hear from 1, but 2 is willing and able. Plus, you've been together in something else before, apparently. He's cute and we'll go with him if he really is the only one unattached to something else. So, if you don't like him, fingers crossed that option 1 responds soon. 
> 
> Take Care,
> 
> Edgar

Charlotte was in the kitchen singing and helping Giselle cook when she got that email. She groaned. "Let's see who generic white man of the week is..."

Giselle snorted. "Right, because it's unthinkable for Charlotte Jones to be with a man of color... or a girl!" They both gasped dramatically. " _Scandalous._ No offense, Silver."

Bucky, who was cutting up vegetables off to the side, chuckled. "None taken."

Charlotte downloaded the attachment and waited for it to load. "G, please don't lump my boyfriend in with the idiots I've been paid to kiss for the past countless years of my life."

Giselle smiled. "Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry."

"Again, no offense taken."

Charlotte groaned loudly once the list loaded on her screen. "Fuck..."

G turned to her with a pained expression. "What is it?"

Charlotte handed her the phone. "Option two is most likely the guy." 

Giselle scrolled to option two and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Did I bring this curse upon you? I'm so sorry."

"Who is it?" Bucky asked. 

"AJ," G replied. "Teen star that hasn't aged as well who I thought was chill until he came to the party acting like he worked for fucking TMZ."

"He's following me like a ghost, apparently. Maybe he's better when I get to know him, he wasn't _too_ intolerable when we were younger," Charlotte said. Giselle gave her a look. "I know, G. Don't say it."

"Bright side, you have beefcake over here and I still have my switchblade," Giselle told her. "Flip side, you can't tell anyone about beefcake or else you'll be charged for a federal crime and I can't use my switchblade or else I'll be charged with assault."


	8. Red Carnation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> e-mo-tions  
> higher than the heavens above

“And… there you go. Two buttermilk pancakes with two scoops of french vanilla ice cream.” Charlotte licked the scoop. “Good for your soul.”

Bucky dipped his spoon into the ice cream, pausing to stand up and quickly kiss her. “You didn't have to do this.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to.” She sat across from him and watched him eat while she sipped on her own mug of tea. “I also might be buttering you up for something.”

“Buttering me up?” he asked with a grin. “Now I'm scared.”

“I wanted to ask if you'd go on a walk with me tonight.” Bucky scooped some ice cream into his mouth and started thinking it over. “I just really loved when we used to walk around Bucharest. Since you've been here I've wanted to do it again, so you're not just stuck in here all day, alone. What the hell do you even do when me and Giselle are out?”

“When I'm not waiting for you to get back, you mean?”

“Tell me you're joking.”

“Mostly joking.”

She sighed. “I know it doesn't look like it from where you're standing but eventually I think the world's gonna want you back, and not just in handcuffs.” He looked down and she pulled his head up to face her. “One day everyone's gonna see you the way I do, baby, and I don't want you not being ready for it.”

He pulled away gently, taking her hands in his and pressing his lips to her knuckles while he thought of something to say. He couldn't quite decide if that idea was terrible or just typical Charlotte optimism.

“We need some sun,” Charlotte said with a giggle. “By 'we’, I of course mean just you. Plus, if I spend one more second in this apartment thinking about how I might have to shoot a movie with AJ that has a fucking _love scene_ in it, I'm gonna lose it.”

Bucky sighed. “If I get recognized, they'll take you in with me.”

“Baby…”

“I know you don't want to think about it-”

“No, actually, I think about it all the time. I thought about it before Berlin. I thought about it when we were in bed together in Bucharest and I'd watch you sleep and wonder if you would walk outside one day and get spotted and not come back to me and I'd be alone with my head again.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear and made another promise to her that he wasn't sure he could keep. “I'm not leaving you alone.”

“I'm not leaving you alone either…” She pouted. “One walk. If you hate it, I’ll never bring it up again, I promise.”

“Alright.”

“Yes!”

“But nowhere too crowded, crowds kinda… make me uncomfortable.”

Charlotte nodded. “Me too.”

Bucky went back to eating breakfast and he raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you always have ice cream with your pancakes?”

“I could have ice cream with just about everything,” she replied. “When I was little, and my family would take me out to diners, I always got pancakes that had butter on top that was scooped like ice cream, and I used to lick it like it was ice cream.” Bucky started snickering. “Shut up! It was a small tragedy every time.”

“You did this more than once?”

“I did this about twenty times, I was not a child who learned from her mistakes. Anyway, I started asking waitresses to scoop ice cream on top instead of butter, and I’ve been doing it myself ever since. I also like to dip french fries in ice cream.”

Bucky grinned. “I used to do that…”

“Yeah?”

His eyes lit up, almost sparkling in a way Charlotte hadn't seen them sparkle before. “Yeah! Steve, Dugan, and your grandpa used to make fun of me for it.”

They laughed and Charlotte took another sip of coffee. “Sounds like our new dinner plans.”

They finished breakfast, got showered, and then went out for their walk. It was a beautiful day, a little brisk and breezy, but nothing that made them want to retreat indoors. They stayed on low-traffic streets and wore hoodies to conceal their faces, Charlotte even wore a wig as an extra measure. Bucky kept his hands in his pockets for most of the walk, and Charlotte held tightly to his arm. It was a sweet, quiet walk that they both sorely needed, Bucky especially.

He'd forgotten what it was like to just walk through the city. As they walked, he would watch people, notice the small things that others would miss. Years of being an assassin gave him a keen eye for those sorts of things. But now he wasn't using that eye to kill, he was just extremely curious due to being outside of humanity for so long.

He was starting to feel human again. Especially now that he was with Charlotte all the time. 

“In my old room in parents’ place, my old journals are still in a shoebox under the bed,” Charlotte told him. “I found them about a month ago, and I wasn’t gonna open them because it felt like I was violating my own adolescent privacy.” She giggled. “But I did eventually decide to read the journals and I was… I think I was more intuitive than I let on.”

“How so?”

Charlotte pursed her lips. She often found it so difficult to explain her thoughts to people, and she wanted to make sure she was about to be clear with Bucky. “When I was twelve or thirteen, I started noting changes in my own behavior, and they were small changes. Barely noticeable. But I knew myself so well that I picked up on them really quickly. When I started becoming depressed, I was also a ‘teen star’, so I was doing dozens of commercials a month and awful photoshoots. I had glitter on my face constantly, and there’s a sentence in one of my entries where I said ‘I don’t think I like glitter anymore.’”

“It wasn’t just the glitter, was it?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so. The glitter was bad, but I think I was tired of _everything_ at that point. But I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so I didn’t say anything. As I got older and realized that I was in an industry that was using me, it felt like a betrayal of my sense of reality… I’d been told my whole life by managers and agencies that I had power, that I could do anything that I wanted. I suddenly realized how much of a fuckin’ lie that was, and it just broke me. I’d been miserable, but I always thought that I was the one causing my own misery, and it just wasn’t true.”

“And now?”

She squeezed his arm a little tighter and smiled up at him. “Now I’m _very_ in control of my own misery.”

They walked past a flower stand. The woman running it smiled at them, and quickly reached out and touched Bucky’s arm. He stopped and looked at Charlotte, who started nudging him in the woman's direction, then they walked back to her.

The woman pointed to Charlotte. “Describe her.” When Bucky looked confused, she just pointed again. “Describe your love to me, what is she like?”

He blushed and looked back at Charlotte. “Sweet… Wise…” He sighed. “Too patient… Worth _every_ risk...”

Charlotte could feel her heart beating in her chest like a drum, so hard she worried he could hear. The woman at the flower stand picked out a red carnation and handed it to him.

“Oh, um, how much?”

She shook her head. “I give single flowers to lovers for free,” she said. “A red carnation is a symbol of admiration, and an aching heart. That’s the love you have for her.”

Bucky took the flower and offered it to Charlotte. She took it and sniffed it. “It’s gorgeous, thank you.”

The woman nodded and then leaned closer to her. “You know, he’s the first man to not describe his girl as ‘beautiful’ right away. I like him.”

Charlotte sighed and took his hand in her free one. “I love him.”

When they walked away, Bucky leaned over. “You’re beautiful, too.”

“Give me a break,” she said, bashfully covering her face. “I’m gonna start using words like ‘precious’ to describe you and then where will we be.”

“So what was it you were saying about being in control of your own misery?”

She blinked and tried recovering the thought, but it was long gone. It was gone the moment Bucky started describing her. “I forgot.”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Now it’s a real date.”

“I don’t think people spend their dates talking about the things we do.”

“I’m the first date you’ve had in seventy years, James. What do you know about what other people do? More importantly, who cares?”

He grinned. “You’re right, as usual.”

She thought she would stop smiling, but she only started smiling again and harder.  “I’ve never been on a date where someone complimented me like that, Bucky. I’ve always gotten ‘sexy’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘beautiful’... No one’s ever said that I was worth the risk.”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s the truth. You’re worth it all. I didn’t know if I wanted to stay after the first night here, but you changed my mind… I think I’m where I need to be right now.”

"Good," she said. "One guy did get me flowers on our first date, though. A bouquet of roses. He was very nervous the entire time. He asked me how many kids I wanted."

"Christ..."

"Yeah. I told him truth, I've always wanted twins. That freaked him out because, as it turns out, he was hoping I didn't want kids at all."

Bucky's rough thumb brushed the back of Charlotte's hand. "Twins, huh?"

"Sorry for dropping that on you."

"There's nothing wrong with it. You can tell me anything."

"I mean, a long time from now when the dust has settled and I'm ready... I wouldn't mind having a family. I've always wanted a really tight family like the one I grew up in. Aaron killed that for a while because I didn't, under any circumstances, want kids with him and I thought I'd be stuck with him forever. I know you probably don't want kids."

"I did when I was younger. Like you, I wanted the family I grew up in. A house full of girls to take care of..." He drifted off at the end, his voice grew rather soft. His eyes stared straight ahead as if he could see miles away, but all he was doing was remembering. "My sister Rebecca's still alive."

Charlotte's eyes widened. "She is? Have you visited her?"

He shook his head, still looking straight ahead with a far off expression, that was starting to become a bit cold. "I don't know what I'd say..."

"I could go with you! Or maybe go _for_ you. I'm in charge of preserving the legacy of the Howling Commandos, I could do that." When he didn't answer, her expression fell. "Do you know where she is?"

He nodded. A tear fell down his cheek. "Yeah, I know."

"Is something wrong?"

"She probably still thinks I'm dead," Bucky replied, getting choked up. "And I think it's for the best that she doesn't... _That she doesn't know what happened to me_."

Charlotte could feel him barely holding it together, only maintaining his stoicism because they were in public. "Bucky, are you okay?" He was taking deep breaths to stifle the crying, but it wasn't working. It'd been a long time since he'd broken down like this. But it was a testament to Charlotte's affect on him that he felt as free to be vulnerable around her as he did when he was by himself. "Shit, come here."

Charlotte pulled him over to the side where no one could see them, and wrapped her arms around his waist, giving him a moment to let it out. He covered his face with one hand, holding her close to him with the other.

It might not have seemed like the best way for their walk to end but, when they arrived home, Bucky's shoulders were more relaxed. He laid his head on Charlotte's lap and she tried not to feel angry, because she knew he would notice, but it was hard to see him like this and know that some of the men who did this to him were still free. Hydra stole Bucky's life, and all she could really do was support him as he rebuilt. 

Suddenly, after a long period of silence, Bucky spoke again. "Would you really go to her for me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she would and she will :)


	9. In My Dreams We're Still Screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> issa long one  
> this chapter is special to me, because i'm setting up the rest  
> are y'all ready? probably not...

Rebecca Barnes lived in a tiny rest home in Brooklyn by herself. Her husband died years earlier, but she received regular visits from children and grandchildren. Unbeknownst to her, she'd also received a visit from her estranged brother late one night, months after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. He was right, she thought he was dead. But that didn't mean that Charlotte's visit was entirely pointless.

Her father drove her there after a hair appointment under the impression that this was part of her work for the Commandos. She'd brought a notebook to write down anything she wanted to mention to Bucky. She covered her pink freshly-braided hair under the hood of her yellow raincoat.

Rebecca was sitting in a rocking chair by the window in her room, staring out with a wistful look in her eyes. She had long white hair which curled the way Bucky's did when he let it air dry after a shower. She had Bucky's blue eyes, with crinkles at the corner that seemed almost identical.

Charlotte knocked gently on the doorway and Rebecca turned around. The old woman smiled. “Well aren't you lovely? Are you a new nurse?”

She shook her head and shifted with some hesitation into the room, then closed the door. “I'm Charlotte Jones. Gabe Jones’ granddaughter. I believe you met him wh-”

“When my brother died?” She nodded. “He delivered the news to us. I never forgot his face. You look like him.”

Taking a seat beside her, Charlotte pulled out her notebook and pulled the pen from the pocket of her coat.Her stomach was in knots. She struggled to hold her pen without shaking, but it was difficult to control. This was the closest she would be getting to meeting “the in-laws”, and she just didn't know what to expect. Not from Rebecca or herself.

“I, um, am trying to expand my database of personal information on your brother. It's for an educational project on the team.” Rebecca nodded. “Do you mind if I ask a few questions, if it isn't so invasive?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Ask anything.”

“What was Bu- _James_ like as a kid?” Charlotte asked. “Tell me whatever you remember.”

She thought for a moment, nostalgia washed over her face and Charlotte felt her anxiety begin to dissipate. “He was sweet. A pain in the ass, but sweet. Always getting into fights but also the first to offer you food if you had none, even if he had slightly more than none.”

Charlotte smiled. “So he was always a protector?”

She nodded. “No one could mess with us except for him. If anyone else tried, they might have been asking for it, depending on his mood.”

“My grandfather used to tell me that he was always the last to want a fight but the first to throw a punch.”

“Sounds right… sounds like him…”

She wrote that down and went on to her next question. “What was he most interested in before the war?”

“Science, technology… he was interested in the future and what the future would look like. I used to want him to slow down and focus on the present. But I also never expected to bury him.”

Charlotte felt an ache in her heart that almost made her want to shout ‘He’s alive!’. But she knew what it felt like to see someone practically come back from the dead, and she knew the shock alone would probably stop Rebecca’s heart. “It's a hard thing to do when it's someone you didn't anticipate outliving.”

“Absolutely.”

“So, was he interested in meeting Howard Stark before the war?”

She nodded. “He wasn't the biggest fan of Howard when he actually met him.”

“Unsurprising…”

Rebecca giggled. “He wrote all about him to us in letters home. The guy sounded like a jerk. But even he had to admit, the man was ahead of his time… the things he came up with… it was incredible.”

Charlotte's eyes lit up at the mention of letters. “There are letters? You've kept letters he wrote to you during the war?”

Rebecca nodded. She stood up slowly and walked across the room to her drawer. Inside the top shelf was a pink shoebox, which she picked up and carried back over to the rocking chair.  “I don't look through them often, because they make me sad. Would you like some of them for your project?”

Charlotte smiled politely but shook her head. “If they're special to you and your family, I won't ask that much of you.”

She shook her head and opened the box. “Some of these are so… him. They still smell like him and they have him written all over them, typos and all. I'll give you some of my favorites.”

“You remember what they all say?”

Rebecca nodded. “Some of them I remember word for word, even as old as I am.” She grinned to herself. “He's never left me, not really.”

Charlotte stayed with Rebecca for two hours, talking about everything Bucky. They read through a few of the letters, laughing and crying. They talked about the jobs Bucky had after leaving school and what it was like when teenage Bucky and Steve were together. Rebecca lamented some of his dating choices and talked about how afraid he was of going to war. At some point the conversation turned to Charlotte.

“You're an actress? Is that what you told me, dear?”

Charlotte was preoccupied with a doodle that Bucky had drawn in the margins of one letter, but she responded with “Mmhmm…”.

Rebecca laughed. “Thank God you weren't around when Bucky was younger.” Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “He always loved a pretty, sweet girl like you. You're so smart, too. Just his type.”

Charlotte found herself too curious to ask about anything else. “What would he have done if he liked someone?”

“If Bucky liked someone, he'd pursue them, even if we told him not to. He showed up to one girl's doorstep and ended up with the barrel of a gun in his face.”

“How'd that go?”

“He went on asking her father to pass the flowers on to her anyway.”

Charlotte laughed. “Poor thing.”

“He woulda done anything for you. I don't think he ever met that one person, you know what I mean? I think his hopes were too high.”

Charlotte knew how young Bucky felt. She, too, had the dream of finding The One, no matter how many flings it took to get there. It broke her when she felt that dream start to fade, when the pain Aaron caused her killed more than a few dreams. Maybe it was a youthful thing, something reserved for the moment in life where everything seems like it should be like the movies.

When Charlotte was done talking to Rebecca, she got a warm invitation to come back anytime, an invitation she wholeheartedly accepted. Her father was waiting outside in the car, reading a magazine with a picture of Pepper Potts in the cover, when she knocked on the window.

He let her in and she took a deep breath. Letting her head fall back on the seat. Her father started the car's engine and looked over at her. “How'd it go?”

“It was really nice. I'm glad I came.”

He smiled. “Good!” He pointed to the envelopes sticking out of the sides of her notebook. “What are those, baby?”

“Letters that Bucky wrote during the war.”

He gasped. “Wow!”

Charlotte smiled and clutched the notebook to her chest. “I know!”

Her father noticed her red, watery eyes and took her hand. “Did it make you miss him more?”

For a moment she'd forgotten that not everyone knew that Bucky was with her. Still, she shook her head. “I think it made me love him more.”

Before heading home, Charlotte and her father took a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things for her mother. Charlotte didn't cover herself when she was in the store, so she had to deal with the usual stares of people who still clearly weren’t accustomed to seeing celebrities in New York. It wasn't something she wasn't used to, and it didn't really bother her, especially when she was with her parents who were the closest thing she had to normalcy.

She picked up a few apples for her mother's pie while she caught her father up on everything that she could.

“People keep asking me where Steve is,” Charlotte told him. “It's like a meme now.” He laughed and she crossed her arms. “Something funny, Laurence Ross?”

“It's a hashtag, actually. Not a meme.”

She giggled. “Hashtags can be memes, daddy. What do you mean it's a hashtag?”

“The 'Where’s Cap challenge’. People have been doing it to Tony, too.”

She rolled her eyes. “This is why I quit twitter.”

“It came from Reddit.”

“Oh! Better! I wonder if Serena still has my number.”

He belly laughed and took over on pushing the cart while Charlotte made silly faces at a baby in the next aisle. “Don't let them mess with you, Charlie.”

“One thing about memes is they always die.”

“Good thing or bad thing?”

“Great thing.”

They walked up towards the registers and saw paparazzi waiting behind the front doors. Charlotte let out a deep sigh. “Goddamnit.”

“That's why I parked close.”

“Fuckers should pay me, it's my face.”

“I'll make you a shirt that says, 'Pay me for my picture, fuckers’.”

She smiled and raised her pinky. “Promise?”

He pinky promised her. “In pink, of course.”

One of the paparazzi was unfamiliar but also peculiarly well-dressed. She cocked her head to the side when she saw him, then he took a few pictures of her.

“Daddy, you ever seen a slime ball in a tailored suit?”

Her father looked up at him. “Hmm. Maybe he has somewhere else to be later.”

“Maybe…”

He kept flashing his camera, and Charlotte couldn't stop looking at him.

* * *

Bucky was busy in the kitchen with Giselle when Charlotte walked into the apartment. Giselle was teaching him to stir fry, which must have been going well, because G was playing a Gogol Bordello tune on the guitar while overseeing Bucky’s work.

 _“And you know that I’ll pick up every time you call, just to thank you one more time, alcohol!”_ G pointed to Charlotte. “Sing along!”

Charlotte rolled her eyes and started singing as she locked the door and made her way to the kitchen. _“And you know that I’ll survive every time you come, just to thank you one more time for everything you’ve done!”_ She saw the pink apron Bucky was wearing and groaned. “G, you didn't…”

She feigned innocence. “Didn't what?”

“Baby, are you wearing G’s  'I’m not a vegan, I eat pussy’ apron?”

Giselle, pleased with herself, let her legs swing off the counter. “Doesn't he though?” Bucky released a low chuckle that made Giselle’s eyes grow wide. “I knew it, he do!”

Charlotte kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and lifted up the box in her hand. “I brought you apple pie and there's no appreciation.”

“Thank you, Lottie.”

“You're welcome.”

“How'd it go today?” Bucky asked. “What'd she say?”

“She said a lot, Bucky. I'll tell you when we're in private, okay?”

“Okay.”

She sniffed the steam coming from the stir fry and smiled. “That's really fucking good.”

He grinned. “It's for you.”

“For me? What for?”

“He loves you, goofball.” Giselle replied. “That's the occasion, that he loves you.”

Bucky blushed and Charlotte's face lit up. “Oh… Thank you.”

“I'm sorry I cut our walk short the other day.”

She shrugged. “We'll go on more walks, we have time. Besides, your sister's kind of amazing and I'm glad you asked me to meet her.”

He grinned. “Do you have a picture of her?”

She nodded excitedly and pulled out her phone, showing Bucky a picture of Rebecca Barnes smiling for her. He stared at it for a moment, trying to carve a face that he remembered from the lines of old age. It took a moment but he could see her younger face clear as day, and that excited him for some reason.

“Thank you.”

“You two are twins,” Charlotte said. “She even laughs like you.”

In his interest, Bucky started getting distracted from his cooking, so he handed Charlotte the phone back. “Did she like you?”

“I think so.” She started pulling her braids into a ponytail and G switched from Gogol Bordello’s “Alcohol” to Fantasia’s “Free Yourself”. Both Bucky and Charlotte stared in amazement as she flawlessly transitioned from one song to another. “... And on that fucking incredible note, I’m gonna go slip outta this dress. Yell when dinner’s ready.”

“Wait…” Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer and kissing her. “Thank you again for going.”

Charlotte found herself amazed by how domestic this all was. Him cooking in an apron. Them kissing in the kitchen. Her best friend playing guitar. If they weren’t hiding him from arrest, Charlotte would have wished for the rest of their lives to be just like this.

“No problem,” she replied. “Just don’t fuck up the stir fry.” They laughed and Charlotte left the kitchen to let him cook.

She could barely hold all that she'd found out inside of her as dinner went on, and she told him everything in great detail once they were alone, presenting the notebook filled with his own writing as a sort of cherry on top. They sat for hours after that in bed. Charlotte read the letters to him and he listened, focused and a bit overwhelmed.

Bucky wasn't used to his own thoughts, and at times it felt like the words of an altogether different person, but occasionally Charlotte would read something that fed that which he thought was entirely gone, and it bridged some of the gap between the ‘is’ and the ‘used to be’.

When Charlotte got too sleepy to read anymore, Bucky pulled her close and read the letters silently, rubbing her arm gently to lull her to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Charlotte woke up to the sound of her phone vibrating on the nightstand. She looked over to make sure it hadn’t woken Bucky up only to see that he was sleeping rather deeply beside her with a letter lying by his head. He let out a small groan as she slipped out of bed and grabbed her phone, rushing to the bathroom to answer the call.

It was her director, she assumed he was calling to tell her that they’d found someone to play opposite her, which was rather quick.

“Hi, what’s going on?” she asked him.

“Hi! Sorry, Charlotte, did I wake you up?”

“No, I… Actually, yeah, you did. But it’s fine.”

He cleared his throat. “So, I know you didn’t want AJ Moranis playing your love interest.” She took a deep breath. “Yeah, I figured you’d know what I’m about to say next.”

“I'm guessing you tried your absolute best, there's no hard feelings.”

“He wasn’t my choice! He was just… the only one available. I’m really sorry, it’s bullshit, I know.” Charlotte heard Bucky groaning from the bedroom and opened the bathroom door slightly. “Are you, like, mortal enemies? Do you think you could make this work somehow, Charlotte?”

“AJ and I aren’t _enemies_ , I just don’t get along too well with him. But I’ve acted well with him before, so I think I can pull it off again.”

Bucky groaned again, this time sounding as if he was in pain. Charlotte’s eyes widened and she started making her way back to their room.

“Thank God. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine! Um, I have to go.”

“Sure, I’ll call you later!”

“Yeah, see you soon!”

She hung up the phone and ran into the bedroom. Bucky was up, and his eyes were open, but he was clearly not quite awake, not quite alert. He was still in his nightmare, staring at an empty corner of the room with tears in his eyes.

“Ch-Charlotte, I’m s-sorry…”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Sorry for what?”

“I’m sorry, Charlotte, I’m sorry. I was supposed to keep you safe. I can’t do anything but hurt p-people. I’m sorry. I can’t do anything but… but hurt… people…”

Charlotte swallowed. Whatever Bucky was seeing, she didn’t want to know. His face was pale with shock, and beading with sweat. He fell to his knees.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to do this to you… It was… It makes me evil.”

Unable to watch any longer, she got on the ground next to him, wrapping her arms around him. He tensed in her arms as she tangled her fingers gently in his hair. “It’s okay, Bucky. We’re safe. You’re not evil…” she whispered. “You’re not evil, you’ve never been evil, Bucky…” Eventually she felt him go slack in her arms as he returned to normal sleep, but she kept herself wrapped around him hoping to make him feel safer, when the only monster in his nightmare was himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... do i care if you're ready? nope


	10. About What My Hands and My Body Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut, because you're worth it  
> also, DEEP angst  
> more angst to come  
> welcome to hell, children

Bucky leaned on the doorpost. Charlotte was laying in bed, staring off into nowhere, when he got out of the shower. She’d been like that since he woke up with her wrapped around him on the floor. Even when he asked why they were on the floor, she didn’t answer.

When he woke up, he’d sweat through his pajamas, so he dug out some new ones and took a cold shower. He couldn’t remember anything, not even that which was so horrifying.

He let out a deep sigh and climbed back into bed, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend’s waist and pulling her flush to him. She smelled so good, like cocoa and mint, he dug his face into her shoulder and breathed it in, leaving small kisses on her skin.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” he asked in his deep morning voice. “You don’t have to.”

She kept staring straight ahead. “I feel like shit.”

“Any reason?”

She sniffled. “A lot of reasons…”

Charlotte started crying and Bucky rolled her on her back. He wiped her tears with his thumbs. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No, you’ve never… You could never…”

“Then what is it? Because you won't look at me and it's scaring the hell out of me.”

She exhaled, the breath getting caught between sobs. Bucky hovered over her, resting one arm on the side of her head just to caress her face. “You’re really good to me,” she told him. “I think I’m hurting you.”

He furrowed his brows. “Hurting me? What do you mean?”

“This morning, I… woke up and I had a phone call so I went… into the bathroom and then you were making noises... like you were hurt. So I ran back in and you were standing in the middle of the floor, apologizing for... hurting me... or not protecting me or something.”

Bucky groaned and rolled onto his back. “Fuck...” He covered his face. “They’ve been happening more often and I can’t remember any of them…”

“It was just like the ones you had in Bucharest, and they were just as scary but those were never about me, Bucky. They were always about Hydra.”

“It’s not your fault that I’m thinking about you, Charlotte, don’t put this on yourself.”

“It’s their fucking programming. It’s Hydra, right?” she asked. “It’s trying to break you down from the inside, so now it’s using me. I gave it that.”

Bucky looked at her but she didn’t look back at him, she couldn’t. He wished there were an easy way to assuage her fears, but it was hard to do when he could never remember the damn nightmares in the first place. Not only that but this was the first time she'd mentioned him standing, moving.

He looked over her face and saw pain etched into it, a pain she was trying hard to conceal under a far away stare. Immediately, he assumed the worst. He swallowed hard and stared back up the ceiling.

“Charlotte, have I ever hurt you? Have I ever hit you?” he asked. His heart was starting to race. Charlotte looked at him and saw his eyes, wide and terrified, running through every memory he could recall as rapidly as they could. “During a nightmare, have I _ever_ hit you?”

“Bucky?”

“I wouldn't… I wouldn't… not when I'm awake, I know I woudn't? I couldn't…”

“Bucky, you have never hit me.”

“Are you lying?”

She put her hand on his heart as if she could slow it, and he focused on her while trying to calm himself down. “No, Bucky. You’ve never laid a finger on me… I’m sorry for scaring you.”

He blinked slowly, everything becoming clear again. She gave him a grin that he couldn't think to return.

“The only time I have ever seen you go full Soldier was when that dickhead forced it out of you, Bucky. I wasn’t afraid of you then, and I’m not going to be afraid of you because I know what it’s like to be with a man who scares me and this is not even close to that.”

Quiet followed that statement. Charlotte ran her fingers across his stubble and hummed as he let his head fall back against the soft, warm pillow. He kept thinking about how he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he woke up one day to find that he'd hurt Charlotte. He kept thinking about how the thing inside of him would be able to do it easily. The Soldier was hunting him, this is what Hydra wanted. They wanted The Soldier to be able to eliminate anything that Bucky loved. The perfect soldier does not love, the perfect soldier simply completes the mission.

“You didn't do this to me.”

She shook her head. “I’m not helping you either.”

He lifted himself up and kissed her, then held her there. “You are the _one_ fucking thing keeping me together, Charlotte. I think about you all the time. If I don't think about you, or getting better, or my memories... my brain turns into a minefield. But that would happen even if I wasn’t here with you. It’s not you who did this to me. You've done more than enough just by breathing.”

She reached up and held his face. “I’m gonna find someone who can get The Winter Soldier out of your brain.”

“It is not your responsibility to do that.”

“I wanna help you.”

“You gotta help yourself first, baby. That’s something you can do right now, so do it.”

She sighed. “I was going to a shrink for a bit, I think I still have their number.”

“Call them.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I’ll call them.”

He ran his metal hand along the curves of her body, causing her to shiver when it rolled over her hips. “No, I want you to _promise_ me.”

“I promise I’ll call them.”

He licked his lips. “Good, that’s my girl.”

She smiled and pulled him back into the kiss. He sat up, breaking the kiss for less than a second to pull his shirt over his head. She straddled him and ran her fingers over his muscles as if she didn’t have them committed to memory by now.

Bucky’s eyes opened and he gasped, turning bright red. “Hi, Giselle.”

Charlotte whipped her head around and saw her best friend grinning with a mouthful of cheesecake and another scoop on the way into her mouth. She waved at them. “Don’t mind me, freaks, I’m just passing through.”

Charlotte laughed nervously. “Could you, um…”

“Close this door that should’ve already been closed? Absolutely, I can.” She started closing the door but she stuck her head through one more time. “I love you both a lot. Bucky, I’ve come to consider you basically, like, my brother-in-law. My actual brother-in-law is a homophobe so-”

“G!”

“I’m going!”

When the door was shut, Charlotte ducked her face into his shoulder and they laughed. She pulled back and Bucky was right back to kissing her. He kissed her softly, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of her nose, and to the space between her brows.

His hands slid up her sides and brushed over her ribs, embracing her breasts with gentle squeezes as he kissed her.  After lifting off her shirt, he kissed down her chin, down her throat, and between her breasts.

She moaned. Her hips rolled on his growing erection and he whined against her skin. “I love you, Bucky.”

Saying it was easy, showing it was better.

She rolled her hips on him again. He captured one of her nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, feeling himself becoming rock hard under her weight. The way her hips rolled was pure poetry. The smell of her wetness was starting to reach his nose and his tongue. If he were any more drunk off of her, he would have completely forgotten that she'd seen him possibly dream about hurting her just that morning.

Because of that, there was a piece of him holding back, a piece of him perhaps trying harder than he should have to be gentle. She noticed and tried egging him on. She leaned down and his earlobe felt the hard tug of teeth scraping across it. Her fingers tangled in his hair, softly pulling. They weren't demands, but encouragements. He was allowed to have her body like any man could, she didn't want him worrying about hurting her, not now.

He lifted his hips up to meet hers and she smiled. “Yes, baby…” she moaned.

He looked into her eyes and she saw it, him losing his reservations. Him losing his fear. All he could think about was pleasing her, his tunnel vision had kicked in. “Fucking gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous…” he whispered. “I used to dream about you a lot, Charlotte. Used to daydream all the fucking time about the sound of your voice… how you smell… how you feel…”

“Am I as good as you remember?”

“Better… turns out my memory is shit- _Fuck_ …”

She rubbed her clothed wetness along his shaft and he thought he would die there, like this. Then he started over thinking it as always, he didn't deserve this death. A death at Charlotte's hands would've been a sweet one, and he was not a good enough man.

She moved back and pulled down his sweatpants, kissing his abs and the defined V of his hips. His breath was caught in his throat the closer she got to his dick. She held him in one hand, resting the other on his strong thigh. She dragged her tongue up his aching shaft, watching him with hopeful eyes as his lips parted and a shallow breath floated out to her ears.

“Charlotte…”

She teased a bit more, not touching his tip, not bothering with the precum dripping from him. She was worshipping his body the way he always took time to worship hers.

His moans were low, desperate. He was going to pay her back for this ten-fold. He was going to make her see stars. He was going to have her cumming more times in a row than she ever had before. He was-

She ran the tip of her tongue across his slit and his eyes rolled back. He was… in paradise.

And he sure as fuck wasn't gonna last long.

She took him in her mouth. Pulling back and pushing further each time. Push and pull, push and pull. Her mouth only made him miss the feel of her heat, which made him miss the taste of it.

As she sucked him off, she rolled her tongue around him, leaving no part of him untouched, no piece of him undone. All he could do is moan, let her take over his mind for just a moment. He gripped the sheets next to him as the coil in his core started becoming tighter and tighter.

As he got closer, his moans became whispery, wrecked beyond recognition. Charlotte wondered if he'd always been this sensitive and she just hadn't noticed, or if it was the tension and numbness of the night terror wearing off under her hand, making the pleasure that much more intense.

She gently cupped his balls and that made him thrust up, which he hated doing, because he swore it hurt her, but she loved it. She loved how into it he got.

Just a few more thrusts and he was sent tumbling over the edge with a loud grunt. He released into her mouth and she swallowed, some of it spilling down her chin. She wiped it away with the back of her hand.

“Come here,” Bucky demanded, once he came to his senses. He was still sensitive, so as she climbed his body, he moaned. “Right now, baby, right now.” He pulled her into a bruising kiss and pushed her on her back. “These expensive?”

She raised an eyebrow at his fingers which were locked around her panties. They were very expensive but she really didn't care if they were just going to be in the way.

“No.”

Bucky ripped them off and spread her legs, reaching down towards her wetness with his metal fingers and rubbing slow, methodical circles around her entrance. All the while, he kissed her neck and collarbone, reconnecting his mouth with her breasts as he occasionally pressed the tips of his fingers into her.

“Bu-cky, don't…” she moaned. “Please, Bucky, I need you…”

He lifted his head up. “Say that again.”

“I need you!” she moaned. He finally pushed his fingers inside of her. His lips travelled further down. “I need you..” Soon enough his lips were on her lower lips, rubbing against her wetness reverently. “Please…”

Her wish was his command, he rolled his tongue masterfully around her while his fingers kept plunging into her. She was so soft and sweet everywhere. He was not a good enough man for this either.

Bucky teased her clit, massaging it with his tongue, then denying contact for seconds at a time, building her up slowly. She tried keeping quiet but that was easier said than done.

Soon she felt herself nearing the edge and she grabbed her pillow and bit down hard to muffle the sound of what she knew would be a scream. That youthful cockiness shined in Bucky's eyes when he saw her desperately try to prevent Giselle from hearing every detail of this moment.

She tensed under him when she came, her muscles tightly contracting around his soaking fingers, stars in her rolling eyes, she came with a scream just as she thought she would, and the pillow just wasn't enough.

Bucky lifted himself up, but his fingers didn't stop. He pressed his mouth to hers, swallowing her whimpers in a wet, hot kiss. His thumb darted out to her clit, rubbing mercilessly as she writhed under him. The second climax already built, she was right there… right there… right there…

Her mouth open wide against his and she stared into his hooded, dark eyes as she came again, this time with a moan that almost sounded like a sob.

He slowed his fingers to let her catch her breath, and smiled as she returned to her senses. “Is it weird to say how cute you are right now?”

She chuckled. “It's weird coming from your mouth. I'll resist the urge to mention this to Sergei the Bread Man if we ever go back to Bucharest.”

Bucky’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he got up to grab a condom. “You remember Sergei?”

“Of course! ‘Acesta este un om real, nu un om drăguț’.”

He rolled the condom over his member and watched her watch him. “Hmm… Dacă aș fi un om adevărat, te-aș merita.”

She shook her head and spread her legs wide as he climbed back in between them. “Meriți totul.”

“Nu sunt un om bun.” he said. “But you? Ești un miracol. The whole world's been trying to fuck you over and you're still an angel.”

“I’m not so good either.”

“No, you're not _perfect_ , but you're better than good.” She felt his tip at her entrance and shuddered. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

He plunged into her slowly, savoring the moment as he always did. He couldn't get over the way she held him still, her heat clutching him like he'd always belonged there.

He moved in her, keeping the pace slow, comforting. A rough morning needed soft relief. She moaned in whispers, tangling one hand in his curls and wrapping the other arm around his back. She closed her eyes and kissed down her neck again, this time nipping and sucking until the dark skin felt raw, as he thrusted into her with infinite tenderness.

He sped up gradually, going even deeper, finding the spot he knew she loved. When he found it, she squeaked and he pushed her knees further back, allowing him the perfect angle to hit that spot every time. He kept his body close, his pelvis brushed against her clit. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades and stared up at the ceiling in awe as if she could see Asgard from her bed. He had her practically folded in half with him deep inside of her, filling her totally, making her feel whole.

She was gonna cum again. He sped up and went a little harder, but it wasn't rough. No, this was love making, real love making, the kind she used to laugh at the mere idea of. She felt completely connected to Bucky and Bucky felt connected to her and they felt even more connected as her moans crescendoed and her walls tightened and she came a third time for him.

The routine is that he'd pull out. He already came once, and he'd think that even that was too much, but not this time. As he slowed down, Charlotte wrapped her thighs around his hips, urging him to keep going until he found his own release inside of her. He groaned and didn't protest. He picked his pace back up, using her aftershocks to pull him over. Death by Charlotte really felt ideal.

After he came with a shuddering growl of her name, he pulled out and pressed his forehead to hers. They panted and whimpered and clung tight to each other, mumbling 'I love you's between the breaths. Bucky rolled over onto his back and wondered what the hell he did for this. Charlotte wondered the same and stared at him, reminding herself that it wasn't worth questioning.

They slowly became aware of the fact that G was now blasting music down the hall. Charlotte smiled. “Is she really using Hozier to block out the sound of us having sex?” Bucky nodded. She turned back to the ceiling. “We should be louder next time.”

“Hey, what was your phone call about this morning?”

“What?”

“You mentioned something about a call you got.”

“Oh, right. AJ’s playing my co-lead.”

“Shit…”

“Shit, indeed.” She sighed. “I'm gonna invite him over soon.”

“Why?”

“To make sure I don't want to kill him,” she replied. “Chemistry reads and everything coming up, I just want to be ready.”

“And if he ends up worse than you thought?”

“You will stay out of sight.”

“But-”

“Out. Of. Sight.”

She checked the time. It was amazing how long the day appeared to be so far, it wasn't even four o'clock yet.

It was too early, because she got a dumb idea and now she had more than enough time to see it through before the day's end. It was an idea that she fully acknowledged as being dumb, but she figured any idea was a valid one, and got out of bed. 

"Where are you going?" Bucky asked. 

She grabbed some clothes. "To do something stupid."

"Wait, what?"

She crawled back on the bed and kissed him gently. "Not life threateningly stupid, just... New York stupid. Get some rest, please."

He grinned as she walked towards the door. "Will you tell me what the stupid is?"

"I might, if it works out. If not... Eh, I still might."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> Acesta este un om real, nu un om drăguț - This is a real man, not a cute man.  
> Dacă aș fi un om adevărat, te-aș merita - If I were a good man, I would deserve you.  
> Meriți totul - You deserve everything  
> Nu sunt un om bun - I am not a good man  
> Ești un miracol - You are a miracle


	11. That One Thing We Don't Talk About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony and charlotte, like many old friends, have secrets...  
> teeny self-harm trigger warning in this chapter (it's a flashback)

**Five Years Earlier**

The doorbell rang at least five times and Tony mentally cursed himself for having it be so loud. Pepper groaned and pulled herself out of bed with him and they both rushed out to the door. Tony’s immediate thought was ‘What the hell does Rhodey want at this hour?’. But he realized that Rhodey wouldn’t have interrupted his own sleep to come all the way out to his place in Malibu unless it were life or death. It had only been a month since the Battle of New York so he really needed the sleep, but the person at the door was persistent, desperate even.

“JARVIS, who is that?”

“It appears to be Miss. Charlotte Jones, sir.”

He furrowed his brows and thought the worst. _Whatever the fuck Aaron did to you this time is gonna end with him being driven into the ground by a metal fist._

When he opened the door, Charlotte threw herself into his arms. Pepper looked on. He turned back to her and cleared his throat. “Could you please bring her some water?” She nodded and rushed to the kitchen. He turned back to Charlotte. “Am I going to jail tonight for murder?”

She lifted her head. “I did it again…” He looked into her eyes and didn’t see any signs of drugs being in her system, and she’d made her way all the way over there just fine. She did seem lightheaded and a bit clammy. She pulled up her sleeve and showed that it was poorly bandaged and bleeding. “I’m sorry.”

She was so far from home, from New York, from real family. She went to the next best thing.

“Does it hurt?”

She shook her head, eyes tired and a bit vacant. “I didn’t feel a thing.”

He brought her inside and Pepper met them in the living room with a glass of water and a blanket, since she was shivering. Pepper put her arm around the younger girl’s shoulders and noticed the bandaged arm. “I didn’t do it right, I got scared.”

Tony quickly grabbed some medical supplies. “Did you hit a vein?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if I hit anything. It’s bleeding but not too bad.”

“Probably just a slash then, hold still.” He poured some alcohol on a sterile rag and cleaned her arm up until he could see the wound. She sniffled from the burning, but didn’t flinch much. He’d always wondered where she’d inherited such a high tolerance for pain from. “You should have gone to a hospital.”

She shook her head. “They would’ve called Aaron and he would have gotten so mad at me.”

He smirked. “Not if I told them I was your dad.”

“I think you should call Rhodey in for that trick…” She looked down. “I’m so sorry, you were sleep, weren’t you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Pepper told her, holding the cup up to her lips. “You’re always welcome here.”

Charlotte looked back up at Tony and their eyes met. She looked frightened, spooked by something she’d seen in the night. She had the stiffness of someone who’d just seen a ghost.

“Tony, it happened again.” she told him. “That thing that happened at my twenty-second birthday party. The thing we don’t fucking talk about.”

“How? It’s been so long.”

“What thing?”

Tony looked at her. “It’s a little hard to explain.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow. “You fought a god.”

“I know but this is… Hard to explain.”

“I’ll try my best. It happened yesterday. A… Aaron was coming at me and I got scared… I locked myself in the bathroom, right?” She sees the white bathroom tiles in a blur as she recalls running in and locking the door behind her. Her heart raced so quickly in that moment that she swore it was vibrating.  “... And he starts pounding on the door  and screaming, so I huddle in that place between the wall and the toilet and I’m trying to breathe but I am panicking and I’m lightheaded and I close my eyes for a moment to focus. When I open my eyes, I see my grandmother standing there, holding the door shut. She looks at me and she points to the sink and there’s a pipe under there, like, a loose pipe. I picked up the pipe and it was just like my birthday, she, like, entered my body almost, and I felt stronger, and I grabbed the pipe and the door flies open and I swing for Aaron and hit him.”

Tony suppressed a grin. “Was he knocked out?”

“No, no, no, but I was so scared that I came back to my senses and froze, and he stood up and knocked the wind out of me by punching me in the stomach. I start crying and he’s so mad, he won’t stop screaming, but then he just leaves me there….”

Pepper stared at her, not in disbelief but in surprise. “Your dead grandmother… _possessed_ you?”

“Yes.”

“When she’s in a high panic situation and she tries to catch herself, it happens.” Tony said. “But it’s only happened now twice.”

“I don’t know what this is… Has Aaron driven me crazy? Am I crazy?”

Tony shook his head. “Like she said, I fought a god.”

She cleared her throat. “ _Bruce_ fought a god… You talked shit.”

“Is that what he told you?” Tony switched places with Pepper and she got to work mending the wound. An accidental skill she’d picked up. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Charlotte.”

“High praise…”

“But… maybe you should have someone at S.H.I.E.L.D look at you.”

Her eyes widened. “No, I fucking won’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not a fucking _Avenger_ , Tony. I think I’m sick. I think there’s something wrong with me. You can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.”

“Please, Tony. Not even Fury.”

“I won’t tell, Charlotte… But what are you afraid of?”

* * *

 

Charlotte took a cold shower and got dressed. Bucky still wanted to know where she was going and why, but she just assured him that her idea couldn’t wait. She took a cab to Avengers Tower. FRIDAY let her in and alerted Tony that she was there. It was rare for her to visit the tower. When it was Stark Tower she only ever visited to hide out for a day or two. Getting drunk with Tony wasn’t an excuse to Aaron but at least he knew she wasn’t sleeping with the guy.

Tony wasn’t down in the lab that day, he was in the common area with Rhodey, who was always excited to see her.

She hugged Rhodey tight. “How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

She smiled and pulled away from him. “I’ve been worse.”

"Not comforting."

"I'm okay, Rhodey. Right now I'm okay."

"You look good, you're glowing."

She shrugged. "Had a rare good night of sleep."

“Odd seeing you here,” Tony said.

She rolled her eyes and opened her arms to him. “Shut up.”

They hugged and he took a sniff. “You smell like men’s body wash.”

Charlotte brushed the comment off but she knew she smelled like Bucky even after she showered. She couldn’t get the smell of him off of her, she wouldn’t have it any other way, even if it compromised things. “What? You think only men use it?”

“Yes.”

“Tony, please, I came here strictly because I need your opinion, how many times are you ever gonna hear me say that to you, huh?” She turned to Rhodey. “I’m sorry, it’s a little private.”

He nodded. “I was trying to get away from Tony anyway.”

“Wow…”

“Wow,” mocked Rhodey. “‘Tired? Of me? Never’, don’t kill him.”

Once Rhodey was gone, Charlotte twirled one of her braids between her fingers. “I know you’re probably tired of hearing about this but I had an idea about Bucky.”

“You know where he is?”

“No… but I think I know how to help him.”

Tony sighed. “Charlotte, I would love to help but-” Charlotte groaned. “Nothing can be done until he’s here, in front of me.”

“I understand that, just hear me out.”

Tony crossed his arms. “What’s your idea?”

She worked the explanation out in her mind one last time, she kept seeing Bucky standing there, his mind projecting an image of her dead in front of him. He sounded so broken. Just thinking about it made her eyes start to well up.

“When you first met her, Wanda took control of your minds, right? She triggered the Hulk.”

“Right.”

“So… There must be something in her powers that can do things despite trigger.” Tony squeezed the bridge of his nose. She grabbed his face. “Wherever she is, Wanda could be the key to everything. She could end the nightmare for Bucky, literally.”

“Or trigger him.”

“Right. Or trigger him.”

“So, we get Barnes and Maximoff both here somehow. She does the trick, it doesn't work. What then?”

“Try something else. We could try hypnosis! I hear that works.”

Tony sucked his teeth. “Sometimes you’re a real millennial.”

She threw her hands up. “I knew you’d think it was a dumb idea. I knew it.”

He laughed. “I don’t think it’s dumb, I just think we need to think.”

“When have you ever said that in your life? What the fuck? ‘We need to think’, who are you and what have you done with _my_ idiot Tony Stark?”

“I’m saying we need to think because the last time I did something on a whim Sokovia happened.” Charlotte opened her mouth to respond, then quickly shut it. “Now, with that being said, let’s get back to my original concern. We don’t know where the hell Bucky or Wanda are.”

“Okay, so we find them somehow... Or they find us.”

“You think Bucky would look for you?” Tony asked. “That’s a serious question, by the way.”

“I mean… it sounds silly, but I do.”

“Okay.” He walked to the bar and grabbed two glasses. “You like bourbon, right? Am I remembering that wrong?”

Charlotte crossed her arms. “I do.”

After a nonverbal exchange that was mostly just Charlotte begging Tony for an explanation, she grabbed a seat at the bar and he grabbed a bottle of bourbon and poured them both a standard drink. He raised his glass and she clinked it with his, then they took slow sips. She looked over her glass at him with a measure of suspicion, and he grinned back at her.

He put his glass down. “So, here we go. Wanda’s back in the corral. Bucky’s so in love with you that he seeks you out and finds you on his own. Now you just have to convince him to let an enhanced Sokovian play with his mind for a bit with an insecure promise of mental stability.”

Charlotte looked down. “Fuck…”

 _“But_ he has no reason to distrust you, because you’re Charlotte.”

“Yeah, that’s not an excuse.”

“What have you hidden from him?”

“Nothing… well, except that _one_ thing that I hide from everyone.”

She took another long sip and Tony sighed. “I’m sure he trusts you enough to know you wouldn’t hurt him or set him up with people who would hurt him. So, he agrees. Wanda gets into his head, pulls out the bad stuff or she accidentally makes it worse because she’s still relatively new to the whole glowing hands thing.”

“If it gets worse, I’ll calm him down and we’ll try something else.”

“And if that doesn’t help?”

“We keep trying.” She swirled the glass of bourbon in her hand. “For most of my life I’ve wanted people to fix my mind, make me better somehow, but I know my shit doesn’t work that way. Bucky’s might, and I love him, so I will do everything I can to give him something that… I can’t have.”

Tony nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

She smiled. “Thank you!” She leaned across the bar and kissed him on the cheek. “I owe you.”

“Never.”

“I definitely owe you for the bear.”

“You don’t owe me, kid… But you do have a sweet Creedence Clearwater Revival vinyl that’s kinda hard to find and-”

“Absolutely not.”

“Alright, worth a shot.”

Charlotte finished her drink and got off her barstool. “You can get back to bothering Rhodey now. Black friend number one is going home.”

“Alright, be safe.”

“I will.”

“Oh, and tell Giselle and Bucky I said 'hi'.” She froze and turned around. Tony just grinned.  “You smell like a lumberjack, your neck looks like you just got back from make-out creek, and you’re a shitty liar for an award-winning actress. Don't worry, I'm not telling. I mostly like to tell my own secrets. You don't owe me for that either."

With a bit of reluctance, she thanked him with a nod and walked out. 


	12. There Was An Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've gone through this chapter a thousand times so leave a comment or i might cry

Tony called twice the day after Charlotte came to see him, both times with some piece of information about possible alternatives to using Wanda.

One was a deprogramming system used on people who’d escaped cults. The program itself seemed very high stress and centered around rearranging the part of the person which was initially attracted to the cult. Bucky had no say in joining Hydra, he had no idea what he was doing, so she ruled that out. The other was just hypnosis. Charlotte originally suggested that but it was hard for her to tell how permanent it would be, and it was even harder to imagine how Bucky would react to being out of control of his own mind yet again.

So, as it was, she was a bit stuck.

Well, in the grand scheme, she supposed she was always stuck. She was stuck with this idea to help Bucky which had no guarantee, she was stuck starring in a film with a shitty co-star, and she was stuck in her own head. But at least she knew there were no strings on her the way there used to be. If there were a way to make things better, she knew she’d have a chance to find it somehow. She found Bucky, that was proof enough.

Before even _trying_ to mention the new plan to Bucky, Charlotte needed a third opinion. There was no one on the planet more opinionated than Giselle Umehara and, luckily, Charlotte only needed to go down the hall to talk to her. 

Giselle was putting on makeup for a date with Natasha when she slipped into her room and locked the door. She raised a half-done eyebrow and then went back to filling it in. “Are you trapping me in my own bedroom, Charlie?”

“Yes.”

G snorted. “Can’t say I didn’t see this coming but what will Bucky say?”

Charlotte laughed. “Giselle, this is about Bucky, please be serious with me for one minute? Please?”

“I’ll try my best, cop a squat.” She sat on the corner of Giselle’s bed, nearly slipping off the silk sheets. Giselle finished her eyebrows and spun her chair around to face her best friend. “What’s up?”

“I met up with Tony yesterday.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Hold on, it might not be as bad as you think.”

Giselle crossed her arms. “Anything that begins with ‘I met up with Tony yesterday’ is doomed to have a bad ending. What did you do?”

Charlotte sighed and looked down at her fidgeting fingers. “I had this idea for him where Wanda would use her powers to go inside of Bucky’s mind and take out his triggers.” She looked up and Giselle was giving her the exact nervous expression she anticipated. “And he agreed to try it if we can get Wanda and Bucky in the same room somehow.”

Giselle threw her head back and whined. “Bi-hi-hitch…”

“I know…”

“I love you but you’re _killing me_ , dude. I'm supposed to be the crazy, spontaneous one in this relationship. I am high-key uncomfortable with this role reversal."

“I know, G.”

“Hold up, did you tell him where the fuck Bucky is?”

“He figured it out on his own.” Giselle groaned even louder. “It’s not like I could stop him somehow… the ‘Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist’ shit is no false advertisement.”

Giselle turned back around and quickly applied her lip liner, then turned back to Charlotte. “Okay so, best case. We do it, It’s over.”

“Worst case. It agitates the Winter Soldier.”

“Nope! Worst case: It agitates the Winter Soldier, someone finds out where Wanda is and the feds show up. It’s Winter Soldier versus us versus the Feds and we all go to jail or worse!”

“Shit…”

“Mhmm.” She turned back around and her fingers danced across her lipsticks before deciding on a dark brown color. “So when are we doing this?”

“You wanna try it?”

“Hells yeah, sounds like fun I haven’t seen since my cousins got into that gun fight in Hell’s Kitchen last year.” She colored in her lips and gave herself one last look in the mirror. “God, if this works... Have you told Bucky anything?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know how… He might hate the idea.”

“You should still tell him. Just use your charm, he loves that shit.” She spun back around. “How do I look?”

“Like an Instagram model who listens to Rob Zombie.”

G smiled. “You really get me, you know that?”

Charlotte hugged her. “Thanks, sis. Have fun on your date. Wear that lavender perfume.”

“Ooh yeah, she’s gonna rip my clothes off.”

* * *

Later, Charlotte found Bucky sitting by the huge window in Giselle’s recording studio. She brought him a big blanket and a mug of coffee, sat across from him in her dad’s oversized t-shirt, and they stared out at the city together. The lights from the street below them reflected off of their faces as the sun started to set and make everything look so blue.

“G’s family has a studio in Portland with a view that makes this look like a back alley,” Charlotte said. “But nothing eclipses the view from my hotel in New Zealand. That place is the Garden of Eden, I swear it is.”

Bucky grinned at her. “We should go, you and me. Just drop off the face of the Earth and go to New Zealand.”

She leaned her head back and smiled. It was mostly a joke, but just the sound of abandoning everything and going across the planet with Bucky was making her feel peaceful. “Let's just drop off the face of the Earth again,” she said. “Anywhere is perfect.”

“The quiet would be the only thing we'd have to run from.”

She shook her head. “You'd also have to run from the sheep,” she said in her best Kiwi accent. “The sheep outnumber people there.”

“There’s the plan. We’ll run off. Go somewhere and raise sheep.”

She giggled. “That would be a sight.”

“A metal-armed shepherd.”

“Hey, you grow your hair back out and you could be white bionic Jesus.” He laughed and she took a sip of her coffee. “If I didn’t have unfinished business here I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, well, you have a life. That’s good…”

“I guess it is, but I’m stressed.” She heard the plates in his arm shift and whir. “Eventually we’ll need to have someone look at that.” He shook his head. “I trust that you know what you’re doing with your own arm but you’re not exactly a technician and I’m a little distrustful of any technology installed by Hydra, call me paranoid.”

He flexed his fingers out and curled them into a fist. They were still moving well but there was a small hitch in the way his thumb curled in. “Good point.”

She sighed and set her coffee down. “We have to talk.”

“Yes, we do.”

She blinked in surprise. “Wait, what do you want to talk about?”

“I’m thinking... about looking for a job.”

Her eyes widened a bit. “A _job_?”

“Yeah, just to pull some weight around here, not be such a burden to you and Giselle.”

“First off, you’re not, ever. You never will be. Second, I’m totally in support of you getting a job, babe.”

“You are? Because you look a little terrified.”

She laughed nervously. “I mean, it’s a little terrifying thinking about how someone could turn you in, but you shouldn’t let my fear stop you. If this is gonna help you in some way, I’m all for it, don’t even worry about me.”

“I wanted to talk to you about it because I know that if I get a job I’m not just putting myself at risk. I have you to consider and… I don’t know if it’s worth it when I think about that.”

“Look, every time I step out of this apartment I risk both of our lives. You deserve a real, full life, y'know? This could be really good, so I think it’s worth trying. Besides, if you’re scared of being recognized, I can help with that. We went on a date once, remember? It’s not completely impossible to walk around New York unrecognized.”

Bucky was relieved, it was like a weight that’d been on his shoulders for too long and had finally been lifted. "What did you want to talk about?" Charlotte felt her stomach twist in knots. Bucky was planning to take a huge step forward and now she might have been asking him to take a step back. His brows furrowed and he leaned forward. "Is something wrong? Is this about where you went yesterday? You've been a little nervous all day."

“Yesterday, I went to meet with Tony Stark, and I think we may have figured out one way to get rid of the triggers.”

Bucky’s face filled with surprise, his breath hitched. She explained the whole thing to him as fully as she could manage, leaving no stone unturned. When she was done explaining it, she gave him a moment to respond, but he was stunned. His mind raced behind his eyes. 

There was a piece of Bucky that was overjoyed at the possibility of being free of the triggers. He wondered what a life without that burden would have looked like. If it worked, it would bring him one step closer to being something near to normal.

But he was also rightfully a bit scared. Charlotte explained the risk to him in great detail. She explained that Wanda wasn’t exactly stable either and that her control over her relatively new powers was limited. He thought about how he dreaded the Soldier crawling out in front Charlotte again. He'd worked so hard to keep it away from her but it kept creeping to the surface and there was a risk of that happening again with this plan.

But he couldn’t help but hear the hopefulness in her voice.

Under all the fear, under the warnings, Charlotte knew there was a _chance_. There was a chance that this could work and that he could recover from this. He might not have believed in the option yet, but he definitely believed in Charlotte.

He swallowed. “Can I think it over?”

Charlotte was expecting a hard ‘no’, and the minor shock of him agreeing to consider it made her lose her train of thought. “Oh, um, of course.”

“Thank you.” She looked away from him. He set his coffee down and crawled in between her legs, lifting her chin up so that she was looking into his eyes again. _“Thank you_ , baby.”

“I love you.”

He kissed her on her forehead. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s too damn bad, Barnes.” They laughed and she played with the bottom of his shirt. “Now, what kind of job you want?”

"Well, I-" 

Charlotte's phone started to buzz, it was a number she hadn't seen, but it wasn't unsafe. In the back of her mind she already knew who this was but she'd been dreading the call. She bit her lip and answered it.

"This is Charlotte."

"Hey, it's AJ. My manager wants us to meet up soon."

She rolled her eyes. "Fair enough."

"Are you free two days from now?"

"I should be," she replied. "You wanna get coffee or something?"

"Yeah, that'll be cool."

"Alright, see you then." Before he could say 'goodbye', she'd hung up the phone. "Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should run away tomorrow."

Bucky chuckled. "Is that the AJ guy?"

"Yeah."

"Anything I can do?"

She shook her head. "It's unfortunately my job. It'll be awkward at worse... I kinda wanna scream though."

Bucky stood up and ran his fingers through his hair and looked back at the recording booth. "That's sound proof, right?"

Her eyes lit up when she caught on. "Yes it is."

They looked at each other before Charlotte sprung up. She quickly told him which buttons to press, then ran into the booth. He leaned down into the microphone and raised an eyebrow. "Ready, doll?" She nodded. "Go."

And she screamed her _heart_ out.

She screamed until she felt nearly every inch of tension release. It felt so amazing and freeing that Bucky couldn't help but smile as he watched her let it all out. There was nothing like seeing Charlotte happy. Her entire face lit up. It felt so silly, but Bucky thought about marrying her every time she smiled. As much as he didn't think he deserved to have her for the rest of his life, he couldn't help but want to see that smile every day, every morning when he woke up, every night when he went to sleep. He sat down in front of the booth, gazing at her, completely lovesick. 


	13. Breaking and Entering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aj.... is in this chapter.... and i'm sorry

“Are you really doing this?” Giselle asked.

“I am really doing this…” Charlotte replied, pulling her braids up into a bun. “Hopefully this is the last time I do this.”

G twirled her butterfly knife in the air and looked over her friend’s outfit. She definitely wasn’t dressed for a date, it was about as conservative as an outfit could get by Charlotte standards. She was still wearing Bucky’s dog tags, and Bucky was helping her get ready.

“We’re getting dinner, he’ll try to convince me he’s less horrible than I think he is, I’ll pretend to agree, and I get to go home.”

“And how do you feel about this?” Giselle asked Bucky.

Bucky handed Charlotte another bobby pin. “I think he's a piece of shit but I don't really have a say in the matter.”

Charlotte sighed. “Neither do I, baby.”

She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. She played with his hair, which always calmed him down. He laid his head down on her collarbone. He wanted her to stay. He'd made that exceedingly clear. As the date approached, Bucky felt a tension at the back of his throat.

Although he was an asshole, Bucky saw AJ as normal. In a normal world, that was the guy Charlotte was supposed to end up with. He was in the same industry, he was good looking, he was established. Bucky couldn't dare to compete with men like that crowding around Charlotte with promises of jet rides and mansions, promises of stability and security… when he had nothing to give but his love.

She lifted his head up. “Soon as I get home, you wanna watch a movie?”

He grinned and nodded. “What do you have in mind?”

“Tangled.”

Giselle smiled. “That's adorable.”

“You can join.”

“Whoa.”

“Watching the movie, G.”

“... I knew what you meant.” She turned on her heels. “I'm trying to get some synth work done today but I'll see what I can do.”

Charlotte turned back to Bucky. She didn't want him thinking this was anything more than what it was. She knew this part of her life was so new to him and that she needed to consider his feelings as much as her own.

“Your face is the only one I want to see tonight,” she told him.

He nodded. “If he makes you feel unsafe at all-”

“I can handle myself. Thanks to you.” She kissed him, getting some of her lip gloss on him. She giggled and rubbed it off with her thumb. “My bad.”

She felt his hand flatten at the base of her spine, pulling her closer. Then he kissed her, slowly, letting his lips linger on hers for moments at a time. When he pulled away, she reached up to wipe his lips again but he shook his head. “Leave it.”

She licked her lips. “Alright. I'll see you when I get back.”

He watched her walk off. “Enjoy the food.”

“I'll try my best not to puke."

* * *

 

The restaurant was in Soho, a trendy little place that liked to pretend it was rather casual despite have a bit of a dress code and every meal being a sticker shock nightmare. It was pretty, though. And nice enough to eat outside. AJ was there when Charlotte arrived. He waved her over and she took a deep breath. Maybe she had him all wrong, maybe he really was just nervous. Maybe he'd be friendly this time.

She sat down across from him and the waitress poured her a glass of lemon water.

She grinned at her. “I'm a big fan, Miss. Jones.”

AJ scoffed. “Are you getting paid to say that?”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “She's allowed to say it, free country. That's very sweet, thank you.” The waitress smiled and left Charlotte to go through the menu. “Rude to waitstaff? Really?”

He rolled his eyes. “I usually say nothing to waitresses but I hate when they act like they’ve never seen a famous person before. She can't act like this is comic con, she has to treat you like everyone else.”

“Yeah, because everyone else treats _her_ so well in return, right?”

AJ grinned. “I admire that you’re so pro-waitress. I mean, you were a child star, you never had a job like that.” She shifted uncomfortably and he changed his approach. “No questions about Bucharest tonight, I learned my lesson, although I’m still curi-”

“So what have you been up to since my party?” she asked. “Any other roles come up?”

He cleared his throat. “Some voicework. I do a lot of video games.”

“Hmm, I love doing voicework.”

“Yeah, I'm sure. You probably love not having your appearance scrutinized for once, right?”

“Right.”

He nodded. “They say the camera adds ten pounds but I think it does more than that. I think that the camera catches things we don't see about ourselves. Like, I had no idea my nostrils flare so much.”

“Uh huh…”

He wagged a finger in her direction. She looked up at it, then at him, asking for an explanation.

“Your eyes twitch during crying scenes.”

“You've watched enough of my movies to know that?”

He shrugged. “I've been bored before.”

The waitress returned and took their orders and menus. AJ was studying her the entire time, making her uncomfortable. He had this way of getting under her skin, which was nothing like the way Bucky got under her skin. Sometimes she’d catch Bucky staring and feel her heart skip a beat because she had no idea a man could look so adoring. AJ stared at her as if he were watching a fish in a fishbowl.

“You really _are_ gorgeous, Charlotte Jones.” he said with a chuckle. “It's really fucking unfair. How are you still single?”

Her eyes narrowed at him. “I'm busy.”

“Damn, girl. All the time?”

“All the time.”

“Girls like you could have anyone they want. Anyone at all.”

“I know.”

AJ sipped his water and loosen up a bit. “You must find some way to destress from all that pressure.”

“I sing.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah, I remember you having a really pretty voice. You play the piano too.”

He seemed surprised that she remembered that, considering she didn’t remember his name at Giselle’s party. “Yeah, but my voice is probably nothing compared to yours. Any hope of you and Giselle collabing?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. She wants to do a cover of Cherry Lips by Garbage and I want in on it.”

“Have I heard that before? How does it go?”

Charlotte laughed nervously. “I'm not singing for you.”

They got their food and ate silently. Charlotte sipped on white wine and kept her eyes down. All she had to do was get through this part without wanting to kill herself, although she did have a mild feeling of 'If I killed myself I wouldn't have to do this’ before she'd left the house.

“So tell me about your family,” he said. “Steve Rogers is your godfather, that's crazy. My godfather owns a shoe shop in Queens.”

“I have a few godparents.” She sighed. “My family's normal. We have normal Thanksgiving, normal Christmas, normal Halloween.”

“Not everyone’s ‘normal’ family includes superheroes.”

“Maybe so… Maybe you’ve just taken your own family for granted.”

“Did your grandfather get the super soldier serum, too?”

“No,” she said. “But he met my grandma when he rescued her from some weird cult in Venice. So, I dunno, she might have.”

AJ’s eyes widened. “You're shitting me.”

“Nope.” Charlotte's phone buzzed in her purse. She quickly reached in, hoping this would be an exit. It was her dad calling. “I gotta take this.”

“Alright…”

She got up and ran inside to the bathroom. “Thank God you called. What's going on, daddy?”

“Someone broke in.”

She furrowed her brows. “Into where? _Your house?_ ”

“Yeah, they took a few things of your grandfather's.”

“Oh my God, do you need me to come over?”

“No, baby. We’re handling it fine.”

“Were you there when it happened? Did they hurt you? Did they hurt ma?”

“No.”

She put her hand over her racing heart. “Thank God, what did they take?”

“We're not sure, but we know things are missing.”

“I'm coming over.”

“Alright, Charlie, see you then.”

“Love you, bye.”

Robbed? She couldn't imagine how. Charlotte's parents had a top of the line security system. It was hard for even her to figure out. Why would they take some of her grandfather's things? They held no monetary value, just sentimental. It wasn't like she had any of Steve's things anymore, she'd given all of that to him when he thawed.

She returned to the table and grabbed her purse. “Sorry, I have to go, my parents’ place was burglarized.”

“Whoa, are they okay?”

“Yeah, but I still have to go over there.” She spotted her waitress and dug out a hefty tip. “Don't let him talk down to you.”

* * *

 

She rushed out of the restaurant and hailed a cab. She was filled with genuine concern for her parents, but couldn't help but feel relieved that she was away from AJ. His questions were still so weird, they always felt like they had some sort of agenda.

There were police outside the house when Charlotte arrived. She knew that no one was hurt but panic still swelled in her chest. She walked up the stairs and one of the officers stopped her.

“I’m their daughter,” she told them. “Charlotte Jones. Where are my parents?”

“They’re inside giving a statement,” one of the officers replied. “They said your room was the only one that the burglars seemed to have gone through. Second floor, two doors down from the front bathroom, is that correct?” She nodded. “Do you know of any reason why your room would be targeted?”

She scratched between her braids. “I’m famous, there’s any number of people with reasons to climb through my window. I do have a crazy ex-boyfriend who is as vindictive as he is violent.”

“Do you think he did this?”

“No, he’s not good at shit like this. He also wouldn’t bother my parents. They have nothing to give him.”

“Seen anyone odd around lately?”

“In New York?”

The officer sighed. “You know what we mean, ma’am.”

She took a deep breath and tried to think. The only person that came to mind was the paparazzi that she saw outside of the supermarket after meeting with Rebecca. He seemed so out of place. But of course he seemed out of place to her, she was used to seeing paparazzi, she knew how they dressed and acted. But she wasn’t sure the police officers would see that as the anomaly that she did, so she kept it to herself.

“Not odder than usual,” she replied. “Are you gonna let me in?”

The officer rolled his tongue against the inside of his cheek and nonverbally conferred with another officer behind him. “Actually, miss, you should probably go home. If they come back, they might come for you.” She rolled her eyes. “Hey, it’s for your protection.”

“Alright, I get it.”

“We could escort you.”

The cop behind him gasped. “Holy shit! You’re Nena! You’re Nena from that fuckin’ movie! Shit, what was it called? Uh… In Knots!”

“What the hell is that?” asked the first officer.

Charlotte crossed her arms and waited for this exchange to be over. While she was waiting, she remembered how she used to sneak out as a teenager. Her parents never used that fire escape, she was just hoping it hadn’t yet rusted beyond use.

“She played this reporter investigating a bunch of mysterious hangings in a forest. She made it to the end.”

“Thanks for spoiling it.”

“I still have a scar on my arm from that movie,” she told them, backing down the steps. “Yeah, boys, I think I’m gonna just hop into another cab, I don’t need an escort.”

“Alright, ma’am, be safe. Call us if you need us.”

“Right.”

She walked away, waiting until their heads were turned before nimbly turning into the alley next to the house. She jumped up and grabbed the ladder. Squeezing her eyes shut as the metal rolled down.

“I shouldn’t have worn a dress,” she thought aloud as she climbed. “This is very Giselle of me… No, actually it’s Steve… Which means I’m the one giving Bucky heart attacks now, superb.”

She peeked inside of her bedroom. There was no one inside but the lights were on and the door was closed. The room itself was ransacked, every possible hiding place had been overturned. Her heart ached knowing they’d taken some of her grandfather’s things. The pieces of him that remained were what she protected the most.

She took her shoes off and slid the window open as quietly as she could, then stepped onto her carpet to avoid the wood floor creaking. Her grandfather’s things were in a box under her bed. That box was passcode protected. The passcode? 8361945 or ‘HCF1945’. The box was on the bed and it was locked, so the burglars clearly made some attempt to cover their tracks, although that might have just been her parents or the police

“Howling Commandos Forever 1945…” she whispered as she punched in the code. The box cracked open. She heard footsteps outside of the door and tensed. She held her breath as if they could even hear that. She stayed quiet and listened to the sound of talking over the sound of her heart racing.

“Thank you, we’ll call if they come back!”

She put her hand over her heart. It was her father. The police were leaving. He walked into the bedroom and his eyes widened. She covered his mouth and pulled him inside, quickly shutting the door.

He pulled away from her. “You know you can just walk in through the front door, right, Charlotte Cherie?”

“They wouldn’t fucking let me through, this is the best I could do!” she whispered. “I need to take grandpa’s box with me. They won’t come back for it again if they know it isn’t here.”

“Who won’t come back is the question… Who steals things like that? All that’s in that box are letters, pictures, military records.”

“I don’t know, but they’re not coming back here…” She closed the box and tucked it under her arm. “I’m gonna call an Uber or something. Can you check to make sure the cops are gone?”

He grinned and walked over to the window.  “I like this new, slightly criminal Charlotte. It’s very Steve Rogers, honey. The last police car is driving away.”

She couldn’t wait until the coast was clear enough for her to tell him that she’d committed a felony by harboring her boyfriend. He’d probably love it. “You have no idea.”

While she was digging through her bag for her cell phone, something shiny caught her eye. She walked over to the corner of the room and there was a ring on the floor. A silver band, with a Russian word etched into the center.

“Oh boy…”


	14. The Winter Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was caught between endings, i had three different endings to this fic and i finally picked one that i really like so we're shifting gears, taking a left, taking the nearest exit off i-95, it's all good fam. it'll work out. you don't need to know where we going just know it's not a rest stop...

The ring that Charlotte found in her room became a temporary object of mild obsession, she wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew exactly what it's existence meant for all of them. Charlotte, Giselle, and Bucky took turns looking at it. It was pristine, but old, with years of wear on the metal. Bucky immediately identified it as belonging to someone who was part of Hydra or the KGB, but he couldn't say that he'd seen it before.

“зима…” Charlotte said. “That's 'Winter', isn't it, Bucky?”

He twirled it between his fingers. “Yeah. Hydra agents are pretty fond of rings like this, they're heavy, make for a solid punch to the face.”

Charlotte’s stomach turned. “Thank God my parents weren’t home… It just said 'Winter' and not 'The Winter Soldier', that could be the name of a team.”

Bucky shook his head. “Hydra agents don't work well in teams. They _think_ they do, but they're too self-absorbed. They’re all trying to climb over one another in the hierarchy and when shit goes wrong, they save their own skins and eventually regroup.” He set the ring down. “There was a team assigned to me but they were expert babysitters and scientists, and most didn’t last a year.”

“Plus, Hydra was scattered around after Cap ripped them from S.H.I.E.L.D,” Giselle said. “They never really got back into cohesion. They split off into creepy little pockets and tried infiltrating a few crime families, including mine. It didn't go well. We handle Nazis the way we always have.”

Charlotte let out a tired sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, they must not know where you are if they didn’t come here first, but they also must know who I am, so what the fuck does that mean?”

She could think of a few reasons why they'd break into her place, but she still couldn't figure out why they'd only stolen some of Gabe's things. It didn't make sense.

A few journal entries were missing, along with letters to and from Peggy. Charlotte couldn't remember what those letters said, but she remembered that he'd done some work with Peggy post-war. Letters from those stints seemed to be the ones that were taken.

“What were the missions that Gabe performed with Peggy?” Bucky asked.

Charlotte sighed. “They raided a Hydra outpost near Venice, Italy. Gabe was with the remaining Commandos. Peggy handled the mapping and coordination. Um, it wasn't particularly violent. He mostly just freed a few prisoners and translated.”

“Prisoners?”

“Yeah, a few Italian resistance fighters were being held there, like my grandmother.” Giselle and Bucky looked shocked. Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Have I never told y'all about my grandmother being in the Partito Socialista Italiano?”

“No, it hasn't come up.” G replied. “But do go into it.”

“Well, my grandmother and her family were kinda rich for southern Black people in the twenties and they hated the South but they were wary of northern whites too. So they left the US altogether and moved to Paris with a few other rich Black people. My grandma eventually moved to Italy, but that was a bad move so she became part of the antifascist resistance. Have I really _never_ mentioned this to either of you?”

"You always told me that your grandma got rescued from a cult," Giselle said.

Charlotte sucked her teeth. "And you believed me?"

Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. “That could be something. Did they find anything but prisoners?”

Charlotte shrugged. “There could have been anything there, Hydra performed a number of disgusting experiments both before and after the war was done, most of which isn’t public record because the subjects of those experiments have either died or experienced little to no side effects beyond illness and disability.”

There was a moment of silence. Giselle had been stewing in her own thoughts for  a moment, but finally lifted her head after reaching an epiphany. “Maybe your grandfather took one of the successful experiments back home with him.”

Charlotte shook her head. “My grandfather said that my grandma was sick when she got back to the US, both from the experiments and the anxiety. Even years later they had problems conceiving because of it. If they were successful, my grandparents never reaped those rewards.”

"Hydra could be covering their tracks," Bucky suggested. "They like to make sure as few people know about them as possible, so getting rid of evidence that there are failed experiments of theirs running around is definitely something that they would do."

Charlotte stood up and walked to the kitchen. “Anyone else need a drink?” she asked. “G?”

Giselle nodded. “Is there white wine in there?”

“Absolutely.”

“Hit me.”

Charlotte poured her and Giselle glasses of wine and rejoined the group at the table. She took a sip and then picked the ring up again, running her thumb along the inside, feeling out the letters. “I wish I could ask Peggy…” she mused. “She'd know what to say, she always knew exactly what to say and when.”

“What's the next best thing?” asked Giselle.

“Sharon… but she violated the Accords by stealing Cap's gear so she can't help me. I don't even know where she is.”

Bucky thought about it. “Knowing Steve's ability to get people to rally around him, she's probably wherever he is.”

“Yeah, and we have no fucking clue where that is.”

Charlotte threw her head back and groaned. “Why is everything hard? I remember when my only fucking problems were knowing my lines, but that was too long ago for it to even matter.”

“We'll figure this out, girl.” G said. "Always do.”

"Not always."

It was almost ten o’clock. Charlotte rubbed her tired eyes and Bucky reached across to her face.

“You need sleep,” he told her, softly. He lifted her chin. “Did you call that therapist you were looking at?”

“Yeah, he's not for me. He practically diagnosed me on the phone.” She caught Bucky's disappointed expression. “I'll go, baby. But I have to find the right one and, honestly, I'm a little more concerned about other things right now.”

“You should be concerned about normal shit, Charlotte.”

“If I could take a vacation from my brain I would.”

“Yeah, you and me both.” Charlotte's face was downcast. Bucky rubbed his thumb against her lips. "Don't be scared."

"How can I not be scared? Those people hurt you for decades and they just came way too close for comfort."

"I know. But if something happens, I will get back to you somehow. Haven't you learned that by now?"

She chuckled. "That is reckless and stupid, but also the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me, so I'm torn about how to react."

"They can't break me again as long as I have you to run to, Charlotte." Charlotte reached across the table and kissed him on the forehead. "We'll be okay, alright?"

"Alright."

Giselle let out a loud gasp and banged the tabletop with her open palm, slightly startling her friends as she did. “Silver, I’m such an idiot because I just thought of this but I know a place you could work. My uncle is a bastard of a man but he'll do anything for me because I'm adorable. He also owns a warehouse, completely legal shit, I promise. If I explain your situation, I'm sure we could work something out. By ‘explain your situation’, I mean telling him you're a homeless vet. It’s easy work, man. Stacking boxes, counting things... You good with numbers?”

“Yeah, I’m really good at math.”

Giselle bounced excitedly. “Great, because Charlotte and I are not.”

He turned to Charlotte for her thoughts. She seemed excited by the idea, even if she was still preoccupied with the ring at that moment. "Uncle Akio's not that much of a bastard. He pays well and he likes hard workers. I think you should go for it."

Bucky thought about it and figured that this would be his best option. At least under Giselle’s protection he knew no one would turn him in. “When do I start?”

Giselle picked up her phone. "Let's find out."

* * *

When Giselle went to bed, and Bucky fell asleep on her lap, Charlotte stayed up. She tried looking everywhere she could think of for information on Hydra's experiments in Venice. She looked in her own archives, federal archives, Italian archives. All the secrets were under lock and key. She searched until her eyelids became too heavy to stay open.

The next day, early in the morning. Charlotte slipped out of bed and quickly made her way to Tony’s with the ring in her bag. She wasn't sure exactly what Tony could do for her, but he was always her first resort when she was lost. She’d texted him to warn him that she was on her way, but he hadn’t yet replied so she assumed he was either sleeping with someone or in the lab. Either way, he’d have to see her.

The first place she checked was his lab, and there was music playing, so she knew she was in the right place.

“Tony?!” she shouted. “It’s Charlotte, we have to talk.”

She walked around a corner and Tony was sitting at his workspace, with Steve and Sam standing next to him. Charlotte dropped her bag on the floor. The ring was suddenly an afterthought. Charlotte couldn't decide if the surprise filling her chest to the brim was pleasant or not. 

“When did you two get back to town?”

“Last night,” Steve said, stepping forward. “We know Bucky’s with you, Charlotte.”

She scoffed in Tony’s direction. “You said you wouldn’t tell!”

He threw his hands up. “I didn’t, Lottie, they figured it out on their own.”

“When we lost his trail in the US, we figured someone was hiding him,” Steve explained. “And I know you, Charlotte. You're so much like your grandfather and you would do anything to protect Bucky. It wasn’t hard to figure out. But now that we know he's with you, we know he's fine.”

Charlotte let her guard down. She'd never been very upset with Steve before, and she wasn't about to start. He meant too much to her. She ran up to him and threw her arms around his waist. He squeezed her back. "I missed the hell out of you, Rogers."

"I missed the hell out of your birthday," Steve said. He pulled away from her and gave her a small smirk. "What kinda godfather am I?"

"A good enough one."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the next few chapters might be... stressful


	15. Irrational Behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, i had school  
> college is Sad  
> anyway, we're moving along here. i re-fell in love with this story after taking a break from it and i'm Different now andtheresprobablyinconsistencies

Holding Steve Rogers close after such a long time away from him felt like having tea after a long day. Charlotte couldn't put the words to her happiness, but she felt it in the pit of her stomach. Every bit of tension in her muscles relaxed. With him and Sam there with Tony, she was surrounded by brothers, men who'd all vowed in some way to protect her.

“I'm writing about you,” Charlotte told Steve with a grin as she pulled away from him. “I've been penning the screenplay of my dreams for months now.”

“Finally?” Steve asked. “Do you need help with that? You gotta lemme read it.”

“When it's done, I will.”

“I love your hair,” Steve said. “No idea what it is but…”

“You’ve seen my hair like this, you doofus!”

“How am I s’posed to keep up? It’s been months!”

“Fair enough… Thank you.” She looked around. “Where's Sharon?”

“She's not in this building but not too far from here.”

“She's probably so happy to be away from you two troublemakers…”

“Hey, Sharon can start some trouble!” Sam said. “Just like how you can.”

She threw her arms around Sam, who lifted her up. “What say you, Wilson? How's my Falcon been?”

He smiled. “I've been better.”

She sniffed and made him set her down, scrunching up her nose when he smelled like he’d been walking around the city all day without a break. She was so used to Sam smelling like cinnamon and orange peels. “You've _smelled_ better.”

Steve pulled up a chair for Charlotte, and she sat next to Tony by his computer screens. “We haven’t had time to take a break and shower today.”

“I get it. When I was on the run in Italy, I went three days without showering. I felt horrible, but I didn’t trust the window in the bathroom where I was staying.”

Charlotte took a moment to process the fact that her friends were actually here. They looked a little different, understandably scruffier. They were sporting beards and longer hair. Steve's eyes seemed so tired, but they still held that familiar, hopeful glitter beneath the disillusion.

"Are you wearing Gabe's jacket?" Steve asked. "I told your parents that needs to be framed."

Charlotte posed in her seat. "It is."

"Yeah, you and Tony grew up together..." Sam said.

"Speaking of which, hi." Tony said. Charlotte kissed him on the cheek. "Morning. You are interruption number two, I really would like to get work done." The rest of them scoffed. "Thanks guys."

Before they’d arrived, Tony had been busy working on a new version of his suit, one with some sort of connection to a newer suit that he'd been making for someone else, someone noticeably smaller and thinner, with a weird spider theme going on.

Charlotte studied the suits on the screen closely and sighed. “I miss the classic red and gold, Iron Man.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want a suit?” She shook her head. “You say no every time I ask that and I don't get it.”

“Because you'll make me look like you and nothing would irritate me more.”

“You probably look a little like me. They say that happens to friends when they're that close.”

She pushed away his shit-eating grin. “Oh fuck off.” She returned her attention back to Steve and Sam. “I should probably let you know, Bucky's getting a job. G’s people. No shady dealings, I promise.”

“He's ready for work?”

Charlotte shrugged. “Work was his idea, it scares me shitless- Is that Spider-Boy? From Queens?”

“He goes by Spider-Man.”

“Not with that height and build…” Charlotte grabbed her bag and dug through. “Anyway, Bucky working scares me shitless but I’m not about to start giving him orders, y’know what I mean? I think he’s seen enough of that.”

“You’re handling this all very well, sounds like you’re doing fine.”

“Not exactly. I didn’t come here for reunions. A lot’s happened.”

She put the ring on Tony's desk and explained that her parents place had been broken into and that the ring was all that was left behind. She showed them the ring and told them what the Russian meant. Steve took it and his stare became concerned and focused.

“Did they think they'd find Bucky?” he asked. “No, wait, they wouldn't have done something like this unless they were going for something they knew would be there, otherwise it's risky.”

“Which brings me to the real mystery,” she explained. “They took letters my grandpa wrote about a mission they'd done in Italy where they found my grandmother. I can't find fucking anything on that mission and I've looked _everywhere_.”

Tony shook his head. “You haven't looked here, princess…” He closed his eyes. “FRIDAY, dear, do we have access to Commandos files?”

“Yes, sir, which ones are you looking for?”

“Ursula Wright as she would have been known,” Charlotte replied. “She was found in Venice.”

After a moment of searching. An old picture of Charlotte’s grandmother appeared on the screen, along with a block of text. “What I’ve found says that Ursula Wright-Jones was found in Venice in 1948 after being held captive by Hydra. She was experimented on. Being one of the only subjects to survive the experiments, she was meant to be tested on to see if she'd manifested special abilities once she was well. However, she'd already fallen in love with Gabe Jones by the time that day came, and the two had plans to return to the United States together, so she rescinded her consent for testing.”

“Were there any strange incidents reported after she was found?” she asked FRIDAY. A report came up. “Okay, it says that there was a disturbance at the Jones household in 1960. Then-pregnant Ursula reportedly had a moment of violent dissociation when her husband’s life was threatened by a racist neighbor. She hit the neighbor with an encyclopedia and then the neighbor’s brother reported her speaking with multiple voices and her eyes glowing. No charges were filed…”

Steve leaned in. “The police probably didn’t believe it…”

Charlotte sat back and stared forward. “So my grandmother _did_ have powers… But why would that matter to Hydra? She's long gone.”

Tony slowly spun his chair towards Charlotte and narrowed his eyes. “What happens during your weird fits again?”

Charlotte looked at Sam and Steve, then back at Tony. She leaned in a little closer. “I can’t talk about that here.”

“Oh, do they not know?”

“No, they don’t!”

“Know what?” Steve asked. “What weird fits?”

Charlotte groaned. “Tony, I am going to kill you and feel really shitty about it.” She crossed her arms. “Sometimes in tense situations I have a tendency to… sort of… feel like I’m becoming possessed by my grandmother and react violently towards my attackers.”

“Violently how?” Sam asked.

She looked down. “Unusual moments of strength.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “Could you take down two men at once?” Charlotte didn’t answer. “Charlotte, are they after _you_?”

She shook her head. “It’s _not_ a superpower. It’s not like what Bruce can do, I can’t turn this on or off, it just sort of happens and then its over. Hydra can’t use me.”

“They’d find a way,” Sam said. “From what I’ve seen, they don’t waste opportunities and unfortunately…”

She stood up and took a breath, facing away from them for a second to keep herself from panicking. Her fists clenched at her sides and she tried to think straight but all she could see was white panic and confusion. “My grandmother told us she had a disease from the war…” Charlotte said, trembling. “She never said what it was but always warned that it was genetic somehow. That’s what scientists told her. I really do have her powers.”

Steve put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t panic, we’ll figure this out…”

She shoved him away. “Don’t panic?! My fucking genes have put my life, Giselle’s life, my parents life, and Bucky’s life in danger. I have that many people to look after, why the hell didn’t I think of this sooner?” She realized that she'd just managed to push Steve Rogers away, and her panic worsened. "Oh God..."

Tony got up and grabbed her wrist. “When you panic, you’re irrational. Take a breath, Charlotte.” Charlotte glared at him and her brown eyes turned grey. “Oh fuck…”

“I’m not irrational!” she exclaimed, practically throwing Tony halfway across the room. He landed with a crash into a tower of cardboard boxes. She gasped for air and her eyes returned to normal. Something had just ripped from her body, and she felt it. “Tony?!”

He climbed out of the boxes with his hands up. “I’m fine, Charlotte! I’m okay!”

"Did you hear two voices just then?" Sam asked.

Steve shook his head. "I heard three."

“I’m so sorry!”

Sam helped her into a chair. Tony brought her some water and her hands shook as she accepted it from him. For a moment, the three men didn’t know what to say.

“Did that happen in Bucharest, with Aaron?” Steve asked, gently. “Does Bucky know?”

She shook her head. “It's rare, it only happens every few years was in the back of my mind but I wasn’t too scared because Bucky was there to protect me… Fuck he’s gonna be so mad at me.”

“I think we both know that Bucky, of all people, would understand how you’re feeling right now.”

She shook her head. “Not for that.” She sat back down and held her face in her shaking hands. “This is the only thing I’ve ever hidden from him, and it’s so big. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him. The only reason I didn’t tell him is because I’m terrified of myself.”

“He won’t be afraid of you,” Steve said. “He won’t be mad. He’ll want to help. You know him. He always wants to help.”

Charlotte wiped her eyes and kept them low. “How do I tell him?”

* * *

Meanwhile, at the apartment. Bucky woke up to an empty bed. He dragged himself out and went looking around the place for Charlotte but couldn’t find her. He did find Giselle, who was up writing music on the balcony. He opened the door and stood leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed.

“Have you seen Charlotte?”

She looked back at him. “Odds are she just went for a stroll or to get cookies or something. She should be back soon.”

“Oh.. okay… Well, can I talk to you then?”

Giselle nodded and put her songbook away, then joined him inside. “What about, handsome?”

“I wanna thank you for everything. I know how much you risk by keeping me here.”

“You thank me once a week, Bucky. It’s really no problem.”

“That’s not all I wanted to say.”

“Good!”

“I wanted to ask you something, about Charlotte. I figured, by asking you while it’s on my mind, I won’t have the chance to back down later.” He looked down. “I’ve never met Charlotte’s parents. I’ve barely seen Tony Stark. You’re the closest thing to her family that I’ve spoken to. So, I wanted to ask for your blessing to ask your, um... best friend to… Fuck, this is stupid.”

Giselle practically screamed. “Yes, you can! Oh wait, ask me first. Ask me proper, like I’m her father.”

He shook his head. “G, I can’t. With everything that’s going on right now, asking her to commit to me like that doesn’t seem fair.”

“You worked up all this courage...” G said. “Bucky, I’ve only been in love once and had my heart shattered but I learned that everyone works at their own pace and everyone has moments where they just need each other without labels or ceremony. That’s where you and Charlotte are. You just need each other. But you want more, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well, ask me.”

“Ask you for…”

“The blessing, to propose to Charlotte.” Bucky looked confused. “It’s on layaway, you can pick it up whenever you want to, just get it to know it’s _there_.” Giselle got up and walked over to him, taking his hands, which were shaking. “Ask me for my blessing to marry my best friend, do it.”

He looked her in the eyes. “Giselle, can I ask Charlotte to marry me?”

G smiled and booped his nose. “Yes. When you’re ready.”

“When I’m ready…”

“Not now, though, I would not advise that, there’s too much going on.”

They laughed. Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “You make this all seem so easy.”

“Pfft, what you talkin' bout?”

“Getting out of something like your family’s business, that takes guts. You didn’t even move out of the city. You’re high-profile… I’m terrified of Hydra. They got way too close to Charlotte’s parents, and I have a feeling they’ll get too close to her next, and I don’t know how I’d react.”

“There’s a piece of me that’s still there,” Giselle told him. “A piece of me wishes I’d stayed with my family, learned the business. That was security and stability, that was a means of getting guaranteed support for whatever I needed. But I didn’t feel right hurting people. You weren’t even given security. They used you like a tank and then decided to let you run away. You aren’t _anything_ like them. Nothing about you belongs to them. When you protect Charlotte, that’s Bucky Barnes, not the Winter Soldier. Trust me, the difference between a weapon and a man is in the eyes, and your’s sparkle.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

She grinned. “It is. You’ll see.” She ran her fingers through her hair and started walking towards the kitchen, mumbling to herself about cheesecake. “By the way, you should try sleeping with Charlotte’s Tony Stark bear, it’s magical.”

“Is that where it went?”

“Of course that’s where it went, Bucky. Go back to bed, I’m working on a song.”

“What’s the song about?”

“Girls with unibrows,” she replied. “I love em.”

With that, Bucky walked back to the bedroom and fell asleep. An hour later, he felt Charlotte sneak back in and slip into his arms. She pulled his head to her chest and kissed him. The way she was breathing was slightly labored, as if she were crying or nervous. He nestled his face into her, letting her know he was there for her. She could talk to him.

They laid there in silence, and she tried calming down. He kept his eyes closed, pretending to be sleep. After taking a deep breath, she sniffled and whispered,

“Please don’t leave me…”

He held her tighter. Remembering the blessing he’d gotten from Giselle. In his heart, that was more than a blessing. He promised her he’d take care of her best friend, and he meant it.

He vowed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are gonna get kinda edgy next time on "Charlotte and Bucky Can't Have A Good Day"


	16. Align Your Chakras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm wws (writing while sick) again so, be patient with me. i love you <3

A few days passed since the incident at Tony’s lab. Tony, Steve, and Sam called Charlotte regularly to ask if she’d told Bucky about her powers and every day she’d be forced to tell them, “Not yet.”

There was always an excuse.

“Not yet, I was barely home today.”

“Not yet, I forgot.”

“Not yet, I was helping G.”

The longer she waited, the more she felt like hiding it again, pushing it deep down into that place where she’d hid it for so long and trying not to think about it. But she couldn’t. Her powers were now part of the web surrounding her and Bucky, and she needed to focus on it for her sake but she just… _couldn’t_.

Every time an opportunity rose to tell him, she’d change the subject and feel like shit about it, and there had been dozens of opportunities. Every time they laid in bed together, there would be a moment where she thought she could say it just as he was falling asleep, as if that would keep him from being shocked by the news.

He would sit there, his head resting on her chest. Sometimes they were even naked, the most vulnerable that either of them could be, and the words would be at the tip of her tongue but would refuse to come out.

He asked her once why she’d been crying when she came in the day of the incident in Tony’s lab, and she just told him that she was a little stressed about all that’d been going on. It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth.

But Bucky could tell it wasn’t. He loved her and knew her well enough to tell.

On rare occasions when Charlotte had the apartment to herself, she experimented with her powers. She tried seeing if she could summon them on her own, which would make her so much more comfortable with them. She hadn’t entirely been successful. She wondered if maybe there was some deep greater meaning to all of this that she hadn’t figured out yet.

Not knowing was frustrating, but Tony reminding her was even more frustrating. So, after a few days, she marched into Tony’s lab, shoving her call logs in his face.

“Fifteen times!” she exclaimed. “Fifteen times in eight days, I feel like you’re trying to tell me something.”

“Charlotte.”

“Nope! I know. ‘Tell him so he knows’. It’s not that simple.”

“Charlotte…”

“Okay maybe it is! Maybe I just don’t know how to communicate.”

“Charlotte.”

“What?”

He sighed. “Y’know I don’t like being greeted like this. I invited _you_ here, I brought candy. You love candy.”

She squeezed the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry for lashing out, Tony. I’m just stressed.”

“And I get that, but I have questions for you and the sooner I get answers...”

“The sooner I can go home to my boyfriend and my wallowing, right?”

“No, no wallowing. Have you been playing with your powers?”

“Yeah…”

“Good, I would expect nothing less from you. What have we learned?”

She threw her hands up. “Nothing, Tony! It looks like the only way to channel them is through extreme stress, so unless my life’s being directly threatened I’m as powerless as I always was.”

Tony tapped his pen against his nose. “Do you remember our good friend, Bruce Banner?” Charlotte groaned. “Surprisingly, this isn’t about the time you tried to sleep with him.”

She groaned louder. “I didn’t!”

“Sure, you didn’t, but that’s not why I’m bringing him up. He says the way he got control of The Hulk was by taking control of his anger. He, uh, he meditates or something, I don’t know. It’s something internal, probably some Buddhist thing. Maybe you should get on that. Align your chakras, bathe in sacred water. Start channeling your fear so that you can use your powers at will.”

She crossed her arms, but it wasn’t a terrible idea. “Bruce still hulks out by accident…”

“Rarely.”

“Tony-”

“Charlotte, what have I been telling you all your life?”

“To invest in wearable technology?”

“Besides that.”

“Never trust a man who says the moon landing was faked?”

“Baby sis, at the end of the day, the only thing you can trust is _your own mind_ ,” he said. “As soon as you can do this, I bet you’ll be able to do anything with those powers.”

Charlotte considered it. Maybe she could feasibly use Bruce as a model, it couldn’t have been that bad of a decision. Of course, it would’ve been a much easier task if she had Bruce in front of her to ask about his process.

“Where’s the candy?” Tony pulled out a king-sized bag of M&Ms and Charlotte happily took them. “See? You’re good for something.”

“That hurts me.”

She stuffed a handful of M&Ms in her mouth. “Maybe I’ll tell Bucky once I can control my powers…”

“Charlotte, no. That could take years. You’ll be married with kids by then.” Charlotte grinned. “I’m not babysitting.”

She scoffed. “Oh, like _you_ were on the list of candidates.”

“Tell Bucky now so it isn’t a shock later. I know how much you hate secrets.”

“I wouldn’t hate secrets so much if I didn’t grow up with someone who thought secrets were made for sharing.”

“Throwing shade, are we?”

“Don’t say that.”

“Right on. Update on your magical cure, Steve knows exactly where Wanda is.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really? Can we get her here?!”

“Hold on, Punky Brewster, she’s a bit shaken up…”

Charlotte’s excitement fell into her lap. “Do you think she won’t be able to do it?”

“I think it’ll be harder, definitely riskier, definitely stupider-”

She sighed. “I’ll have to talk to Bucky first.”

“Yes, you will.”

Charlotte stuffed her mouth with more M&Ms and Tony took the hint to stop bothering her.

* * *

 

After she left Tony’s and grabbed coffee from Starbucks, she was on her way home. She was thinking about taking a bath, maybe taking a bath with Bucky. Maybe she’d tell him then.

She ran the scenario in her head and imagined him tensing, growing stone-faced, being afraid. For some reason she imagined him angry. Him asking her why she hadn’t said anything. She imagined him yelling. It made her blood grow cold.

It wasn’t Bucky.

It was _Aaron_.

What snapped her out of her daydream was a collision with the shoulder of someone else, nearly knocking the coffee out of her hand. She turned to apologize, only to find that she’d run into AJ.

AJ smiled and she knew she was trapped in conversation with him. “Charlotte! Hey, I haven’t seen you since we went to dinner! How’re your parents?”

“They’re fine.”

“Getting burglarized… Can’t imagine…”

She raised an eyebrow. “What building do you live in where you’ve never been robbed?”

“I mean, I got robbed when I was a _struggling_ actor...”

“Heh…”

“Hey, um, I was meaning to call you, there’s a party coming up soon. My brother owns this club and needs some star power to give a boost. Maybe you and I could go? As friends?”

“Which… we aren’t.”

“I know, but, I don’t know… We could be? I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

 _“Oh_ …”

He stuttered when he realized she wasn’t quite falling for it, but that didn’t save his case. “That sounds weirder than I want it to. Girls like you are just hard to find. Classy and opinionated… Beautiful.”

“That’s hard to find? In _New York_?”

“Look-”

She held her hand up. “Spare me, I’ve heard this song sung to me a thousand times by a thousand men who want that extra special ‘we fell in love on a movie set’ scheme that everyone’s been trying to pull since Brangelina. We might make good scene partners but I’m never going to believe you’re interested in anything about me beyond what you’ve read in the Post, and I just got my image back under my control, I’m not giving that up for the sake of selling a movie.” She sighed. “With that being said, I’ll consider it, on one condition.”

“What?”

“I have to go with Giselle and my bodyguard.”

AJ was noticeably irritated by this, and Charlotte recognized that in him, and didn’t like it. “I thought guards weren’t your style.”

They weren’t. She hadn’t had a bodyguard since she left Aaron. She’d been meaning to hire one, but never got around to it. She just needed to make sure there were enough people between her and AJ.

“Well, I don’t really go to events anymore but this one can’t possibly be that painful.” She looked him over. “If you don’t agree to that, I won’t go with you.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Charlotte grinned now that the ball was in her park. “Text me the details. Or text Giselle the details, whichever works for you.”

She walked away from him and back home. At least she had control over _something_ now.

* * *

 

“You want Bucky to do _what_ ?!” Giselle asked, letting nearly a mouthful of rice spill out of her lips. “For _whom_?”

Charlotte sighed. “I know it sounds ridiculous.”

“It sounds like the plot of a fucking sitcom!” G argued. “You want to disguise your boyfriend, who is a _wanted criminal_. Then take him to a club, where there will be cameras, no less, as your bodyguard.”

“Yeah.”

Giselle wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of the proposal for a risky scheme. For as long as she’d known Charlotte, Charlotte had been the careful one, the cautious one. She had the safety on, she packed the first-aid kits. This was entirely new, and Giselle could tell it was new to Charlotte, too. Because there was no way she thought this through.

On top of that, her friend had been acting increasingly jittery and nervous. Most notably, she was nervous around Bucky, and she was never nervous around Bucky. 

“You’re acting like me…”

“I know! That’s why I’m so shocked that you aren’t down for this.”

“It’s not that I’m not down, I’m just worried about all the ‘what if’s. I mean…. We’ve worked so hard to keep him hidden and you two have to stay together, this just feels like an unnecessary risk.”

“I’ll do it,” Bucky said.

“And _that’s_ what I’m afraid of.” Giselle sighed. “Not to be the bearer of bad news but Bucky’s easy to spot. We’re facing federal prison time here. I mean, we could afford a good lawyer but-”

“We’re not going to get caught,” Bucky assured her. Giselle and Charlotte both looked surprised. “I hid for months in plain sight in big cities, it’s possible. Charlotte and I both did. We walked around together. With that said, we need a plan.”

“I’ll come up with one,” Charlotte told him. “I’m not gonna get you caught.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Yeah, you’re not made for prison, Charlie.”

Charlotte grinned. “Thanks G.”

“You’re a little adorable.”

“Thank you, Giselle…” She cleared her throat. “I just don’t feel safe around AJ, something about him makes me uncomfortable…”

Giselle shrugged. "We could just not go." 

"It's just a publicity thing, I used to do them all the time, it shouldn't be hard."

“Okay. Again, not opposed to the idea, just opposed to prison.”

Charlotte picked at her own food. If she could gain control of her own powers she wouldn’t need Bucky to protect her... “G, Is there a type of yoga that, like, channels your anger or fear instead of your peace?”

Giselle raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it’s called boxing, why?”

“Just curious.” She scooped some rice into her mouth. “I need an outlet.”

“Have you thought about slam poetry?”

“Isn’t that what boxing is?” Bucky asked. “Slam poetry?”

Charlotte laughed but Giselle got up with her food. “Worst fucking joke ever.”

"Are you coming back, G?" Charlotte asked.

She shook her head. "Nope, Bucky ruined it."

When Giselle left, Charlotte stared over at her boyfriend, her expression falling. _You'll have to say something eventually. But what if it's too much? What if it's more than he can take? What if he leaves you? What will you do? Can you go that long without him again? The last time felt too long._

Bucky noticed her staring and reached across the table with his metal hand, caressing her cheek gently with his thumb. "What's on your mind?"

"Everything."

"Spill."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"The pathway from my brain to my mouth isn't working when I want it too," she replied. "Trust me, I would tell you everything if I knew how it would end. But I'm not ready to see that yet."

"What do you mean?"

Charlotte sighed. "It's nothing, it's... Don't worry about it." _Coward._ "Tony says he knows where Wanda Maximoff is, and that we actually might be able to go through with the plan to get the Soldier's programming out of your head. But we'll need your consent." She reached up and held his hand. "It's still risky, even riskier than we thought it would be. But you're still having nightmares and you have no idea how it feels when you ask-" She felt herself getting choked up. "When you ask if you've hurt me."

Bucky looked down at their hands. "Charlotte..."

"And I know you said you would think about it, and I don't want to push you into this but when you get better, when you're yourself again all the time, maybe then you can become something close to normal. Once you get all of this under control, you'll be even greater than you already are." She wasn't even sure she was speaking to him anymore. "Maybe..."

"Charlotte, you're shaking so damn much. What's really going on?"

"I don't know."

"What else did Tony tell you? Is it something about this 'cure'?"

She shook her head. "It's not about you at all, and it's not something Tony said. It's about me, it's always been about me and the one thing I never, _ever_ talk about."

She got up and started pacing, thinking over how to explain it. It was too late to go back now. If she dropped it, Bucky wouldn't. Bucky wanted to know, he needed to know what was going on with her. Steve was right, he wouldn't be angry, he'd want to help. She had to let him help her. 

"It didn't start happening until Aaron started hitting me. Before that, I never thought things like this were possible. I thought... I thought I was losing it completely. I thought I was breaking down and Tony was the only person who saw it happen the first time."

"Saw _what_ happen, Charlotte?"

She took a deep breath. "Basically, I have the ability to summon my ancestors as a form of self-defense. It's-It's like possession. I never know when it happens, apparently my eyes change color..." Bucky thought back to every moment they'd spent together but couldn't recall ever seeing it. "It didn't happen that day with Aaron because you were there!"

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

She walked over to him and held his face in her hands. There were tears running down her face. She could just imagine how deranged she seemed. "You protect me and that's what keeps it from coming up and I owe you so much for hiding this from you. I promise that it's the only thing I have _ever_ hidden from you. But I was so afraid that it would ruin what we have. I was supposed to be your girl, your normal girl."

Bucky shook his head. "You were never normal, Charlotte."

She laughed. "Oh, thanks."

"But I never wanted you to be. I didn't care." He pulled her onto his lap. "C'mon, sugar, don't cry over this. We'll figure it out."

"No, it gets worse! I'm crying because I think the whole reason Hydra is tailing us is because of me. I don't think they even know you're here. _I'm_ putting _you_ in danger. None of this would've happened if you hadn't met me! None of this would've happened if I'd just k-"

She cut herself off, but Bucky knew exactly where that sentence was headed. She looked away from him, and he just stared at her, terrified. It'd gotten this bad and he was there, the whole time. It'd reached this point again, and he had no idea.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't mean that."

"You don't say things you don't mean." She looked up at him, then laid her head on his chest. "Like I said, doll, we'll figure it out. _We_ will. I'm not going anywhere. I don't care if Hydra knows I'm here or not. I'm not going anywhere."

They sat there for a moment in silence, calming each other down. Bucky pressed nurturing kisses to her head. 

"Was that why you asked about boxing?" She nodded. He chuckled, and his laughter made her feel warm. "You should've told me that before I made that bad joke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 comment = 1 prayer


	17. The Bruce Banner Trick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky and charlotte breathe a little because hey issa holiday  
> there's a song mentioned somewhere in this chapter, this would be that song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYMObdOqcRg  
> *to the tune of gucci gang* leave comments leave comments leave comments

Charlotte told Bucky about her powers and they made a game plan. Charlotte was good at that, she was a visual thinker so she needed to see words on a page in order to make them happen. The plan was that Charlotte would start therapy and work on getting her powers under control while Bucky started working and waited to meet Wanda to get the Soldier out of his head. They would check up on each other as much as possible, and keep one another on track.

The problem with plans like this was that they were often easier said than done, and these were no easy tasks. Bucky started working immediately, but when he got home after the first day he admitted to Charlotte that he’d panicked thinking someone recognized him, when all they’d done is try and pinpoint exactly which celebrity he’d reminded them of.

Charlotte had trouble searching for a therapist and, in the end, was referred to one by Tony. And getting her to go to her initial appointment was akin to pulling teeth, but Bucky and Giselle convinced her, and there they were.

Bucky bounced his leg nervously while he sat in the reception area, internally kicking himself. What if she wasn’t ready for this?

Time dragged on slowly. He looked up at the therapist’s door and sighed. There were two other women in the reception area with him. One was reading Essence magazine. At first, he wondered what she was there for, but then he noticed her hands shaking terribly. She gnawed on her bottom lip in places where scabs had already formed. The other woman was a bit more obvious. The bags under her eyes mirrored the ones under Charlotte’s. Hell, they probably mirrored his.

The therapist’s door opened and Charlotte stepped out with a grin on her face. Despite this, her eyes were watery, and in her fist was a crumpled tissue. The therapist smiled and told her to have a good day, and Bucky stood up, ready to go.

“How was it?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you outside.”

They walked to the elevator and waited. Bucky looked at Charlotte. She was definitely less tense than when she went in, as if a twenty pound weight had lifted right off of her shoulders.

“Would you go again?” he asked. She looked up at him. The elevator arrived at their floor and they stepped in. When the doors slid shut, Charlotte stood on her toes and kissed him. He grinned against her lips. “What was that for?”

“Convincing me to go.”

“So it helped?”

“Yes, it did.” She put her hood up. “We talked about you and about Hollywood induced paranoia. She thinks this relationship is really good for me and you’re keeping me on the right path to recovery.”

“Well, you know…”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Bucky, don’t make me hurt you. I didn’t tell her about my ‘thing’, I just told her that I dissociate during times of great stress and she said that if it gets too bad, I may need to see a psychiatrist… _So_ … Unhelpful in that department.”

They arrived on the ground floor. The starstruck security guard waved at Charlotte and she blew a kiss. For some reason, that always tickled Bucky. He seemed to forget that he was with a celebrity unless someone else reminded him. He'd been practicing pretending to be her bodyguard to make sure they could pull it off. They hadn't hit a snag yet, especially since he was used to holding doors open for her and being suspicious about handsy people getting too close. 

“So you still wanna try option B?” he asked.

She pulled out her phone. “I wanna see if we can combine options A and B.”

“Alright.”

“Are you into that? Any objections?” He shook his head, but his expression said otherwise. “I don’t pull punches anymore!”

“You keep saying that and I guess I’ll have to see it.”

She laughed. “I can’t believe you’re doubting me right now. You? Of all people?” She had a text from Tony telling her to call him when she left therapy. He referred her to the therapist so, naturally, he wanted to keep tabs. She called him and the phone rang twice before he finally picked up. “I survived.”

“Of course.”

There was a bit of a commotion behind him. Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “What was that?”

“New recruit. Teenager. Nothing fancy. Hey, listen, Steve said he’ll have Wanda here by the end of the week, will your boy be ready to meet her?”

She looked at Bucky. He was clearly trying not to eavesdrop, but the Super Soldier hearing and clenched jaw gave him away. “He seems eager. I’m not as eager.”

“Charlotte, we know the risks, we’re taking them into account, we’re placing the necessary safeguards. It really will be okay if you just relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax, Tony.”

“Alright, just don’t throw me across the room again.” There was another commotion. “The new recruit… He’s fifteen.”

“He’s fucking _what_?”

“I’ll expl- I’m talking to a friend right now, keep training… Does it matter what friend it is, kid? It’s Charlotte Jones. Oh, you’re a fan?”

The phone was handed off and suddenly there was a request to Facetime. “Christ, Tony…”

She answered and there was a bright eyed fifteen year old white kid staring back at her. He covered his mouth. “Holy shit it’s _really_ you!”

“See? Not lying.” Tony said, taking his phone back. “Sorry.”

“Was that Spider-Boy?” she asked.

“Spider-Man,” corrected the kid. “But you can call me anything.”

Bucky snorted. “Me too, kid.” Charlotte elbowed him in the side.

Tony rubbed his temples. “You could have a suit like his any time you want, you know.”

“I don’t want to be an Avenger, I just want these weird ass powers under control. We’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Alright.”

Spider-Man came back into frame. “Bye, Charlotte Jones!”

She grinned. “Goodbye, Spider-Boy.” She hung up the phone and slipped it back in her bag. “You know what’s wild about all this?”

“What?”

“I think that life is full of predictive markers, right? So, somewhere along the line I should have seen all of this coming.”

“That’s… _sure_.”

“You don’t think so?”

“Whenever I think about that I remember that I met you in Bucharest, just by chance. There was no way I could’ve predicted you, Charlotte. I couldn’t have seen you coming. If I saw you coming I would’ve run the other way for your sake.”

“I mean, I started talking to you first, I think we both know there was no way out of this.”

He laughed. “But in a good way.”

“In a _great_ way.”

* * *

They went home and quickly changed clothes. Charlotte grabbed her new boxing gloves and took a deep breath. If Bucky was there she had nothing to be afraid of… But if she had nothing to be afraid of, would her powers show themselves?

She tried getting used to the idea that this was now a permanent part of her, but it was so hard to get used to when she knew nothing about it. She knew it was genetic and that Hydra gave it to her grandmother. Beyond that, her powers and their scope were a mystery. For all she knew, she was an atomic bomb, practically radioactive, and all who touched her would get hurt, even Bucky.

Her therapist assured her that there was nothing monstrous or dangerous about her. Her anger was the result of years of belittlement, gaslighting, and fear. She earned the right to have a bit of rage, all she had to do was channel it. But she wasn’t exactly sure how to do that.

She knew how to relieve rage, and she assumed that was what the boxing would do, but channeling it was different. Channeling it was almost spiritual, and Charlotte wasn’t sure she was there yet, but she had to try. If nights spent sharing stories of suicide attempts with Bruce Banner taught her anything, it was that a rage under control was more terrifying than one that blew through a person like a hurricane.

They walked to the Umehara Gym, the one owned by Giselle’s family. They knew Bucky reasonably well, he’d worked adjacent to them for two weeks by then. G called in a favor and got them a private place to box freely. Charlotte psyched herself up first. She tried thinking about what stressed her. Her brain was being overprotective and hiding some of the details.

Bucky wrapped his hands and watched her with concern. When they discussed this, he told her he wouldn’t do this if it only re-traumatized her, but she insisted that wouldn’t happen. He wasn’t so sure. When he was done wrapping his hands, he helped slip the boxing gloves onto hers. She noticed him staring and giggled.

“What?”

He grinned. “You're beautiful… And I'm worried.”

“Bucky…”

“If you're panicking, tell me. If you're nervous, tell me. If you wanna stop, tell me, and we'll take a breath. Agreed?”

She sighed and stepped back. “I thought I was pushing myself.”

“You are, but I don't like it.”

“I'm a big girl.”

“There's no confusion about that.” He walked to a punching bag and held it still. “I just know what it's like to have something dormant inside of you with no control over when it erupts.”

“I know, that's why I need you to support me and not just worry.”

“I'm not just worrying.”

She threw the first punch. It was pretty weak. Bucky remembered Fight Club on the Romanian rooftop and smiled to himself. “I can do better than that.”

“‘Course you can.” He took a deep breath. “Think about… Think about Aaron.”

“That's who I _am_ thinking about, it's not working.”

She thought about the face he made when he came at her. The smile he had the day they met. The stare when he first led her to his room with a bottle of wine and bad intentions. She thought about his pissed face, his ‘O' face, his disappointed face. He looked like a monster, a distortion. She hadn't seen him in so long. She punched but it didn't feel like punching him felt. She was just punching a bag.

She wore herself out. Bucky handed her the water bottle.

He sighed. “C’mon, baby, what scares you?”

“Not Aaron, apparently watching you beat his face in made me see the light. It's like when I saw my dad dressed as Santa and cried for three days.”

Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. “The trigger is your emotions, your fear… Maybe it’s half-fear and half-anger.” Charlotte blinked at him. “Sorry, I’m not good at this.”

She shook her head and pulled the gloves off for a moment. “No, I think you’re onto something. Maybe we need music…”

Charlotte turned on Oh Bondage! Up Yours! and Bucky put her gloves back on. She took a deep breath and thought hard about things that scared her, things that made her angry.

She hated the feeling of hands grabbing at her. She hated paparazzi showing up wherever she did.

She hated hiding Bucky. She was terrified of someone coming in the night for him and snatching him right from their bed. She agonized over the image of him being in that cage and then what he became when he was triggered. There was guilt in his face sometimes when she woke up after he did and he’d just be staring at her. She hated that.

She was afraid that he'd leave, but afraid of what would happen if he stayed.

In her head, she saw him being dragged down a hallway by faceless goons ready to shock him into submission. She didn't see anything else, her mind became a black screen, and then she heard his voice.

“Baby!”

She opened her eyes and they were glowing, glowing tears were falling down her cheeks. The punching bag was across the room now, she’d knocked it right off of it’s stand. Bucky held her face.

“Baby, _Charlotte_ , can you hear me?”

Again, like in Tony’s lab, she gasped for air as if she were coming up from underwater. Her eyes returned to normal. She took off her boxing gloves and threw them to the side. Her hands felt prickly, like they’d fallen asleep. Beneath her skin, her veins were glowing.

“Is… this good?”

“I can’t tell what’s good or not with this…” he shook his head and held her hands, rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. “How do you feel?”

She panted and a smile spread on her face. “I feel alright,” she replied. “It’s strange. I thought about protecting myself and it didn’t work, then I thought about protecting you and… voila! What if that’s it? What if it’s about channeling my anger into protecting the people I love most? What if that’s my Bruce Banner trick? It’s you and G and my parents and Steve and Sam and Tony.”

Bucky bit his lip. “Well, let’s try again and see where it gets you.”

“Again? I nearly passed out the first time.”

“Alright, sweetheart, we’ll take a break and come back to it. But you have a hypothesis, now experiment.”

She rolled her eyes. “I keep forgetting you're a nerd, I think it’s the muscles.”

Charlotte sat down and Bucky sat next to her. “In that screenplay you’re writing, don’t forget to mention my love of Asimov.”

“I’ll find a place for it in between your _thousands_ of dates.”

“Hey, I guess I was looking for my Charlotte.”

“...Nice save.”

* * *

Somewhere in the dark, two men met over cigarettes.

“This is your last chance.”

“I know, sir. She’s more headstrong than I remember…”

“Because you remembered a depressed, overexposed teenager. I’m surprised she’s not onto you yet.”

The nervous man blew smoke into the air. “Charlotte’s one of those people who just needs to feel protected. I think I can do that. I just need to put her in a situation where she’ll feel a need to be protected.”

“We just need you to get her alone or get some of her DNA. Don’t start a whole relationship with her, alright?”

“She’s not my type. Look, the party’s this Saturday. I’ll just drag her away from Giselle and this ‘bodyguard’ somehow and get her alone. One thing leads to another…”

“Use a condom.”

He snickered. “I was hoping to just get a bj…” His partner met that comment with a glare. “What better way to get a hair sample than for me to pull some out?”

“You’re embarrassing.”

“But you need me.”

“Sure, AJ.” They shook hands. “Just don’t fuck up again.”

“Heil Hydra.”

“Heil Hydra.”


	18. Bloodlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter's too long  
> mans not succinct  
> giselle's a badass  
> i'm VERY tired

Charlotte tousled Bucky’s hair and smiled. “You definitely look like a bodyguard.”

“Doll, you look…” He shook his head in disbelief. “My God…”

She smiled and turned around so that he could get a nice, long look at the plunging back of her red dress. It was the sexiest thing that Giselle owned and Giselle insisted that Charlotte wear it for the night. It definitely suited her, hugging her body like a glove. It wasn’t like the flowy, romantic dresses she usually liked. This dress was a power play.

She was so confident just strutting around in it, and twice as confident when Bucky saw her in it. She forgot that a man could make her feel so confident.

Charlotte turned back around and grinned at her boyfriend’s lusty expression, batting her pretty eyelashes. “Now, Bucky, you promised you wouldn’t touch me.”

“Actually, Charlotte, I promised I wouldn’t touch you at the club.” He smirked. “You said nothing about afterwards.”

“I’m holding you to that.” She kissed him. “You sure this isn’t me asking too much of you? You know you can back out before we head for the party, I’m not going to force you to do anything.”

“I want to protect you, Charlotte. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since we met, you know that.”

She smiled. “I know but-”

“I’ve been a bodyguard before, well, the Winter Soldier has…” Charlotte’s expression dropped, and Bucky mentally smacked himself in the face. “It won’t be a problem.”

“Why didn’t you mention this before?”

“I didn’t think it mattered.”

“It always matters, baby. If you get triggered, tell me. We’ll make a safe word.” She thought for a second. “How about ‘Bucharest’?”

He nodded. “Bucharest is our safe word.”

There was a knock on the bedroom’s doorway, Giselle stood there with an eyebrow raised, her velvet catsuit grabbing both of their eyes. “What’s this discussion of safe words? Am I gonna come home to find out you two built a sex swing?”

Charlotte shook her head. “We’re ready to go.”

“Good. We look like the world’s most fucked up throuple.”

Charlotte grinned. “Is that not what we are?”

“Nope!”

They started walking out of the apartment, doing last minute checks for phones, wallets and keys. Charlotte couldn’t deny the knots in her stomach. She didn’t know who AJ knew, she didn’t know if there would be paparazzi or creepy dudes she’d run into in the past. Bucky noticed how fidgety she’d been the whole day. She was constantly rubbing her neck and now she was nervously fiddling with the rings on her fingers. It made him nervous, too. He wasn’t too keen on attending his first celebrity party.

Giselle handed him a bodyguard jacket to finish off his look. He didn’t want to know where she got it, although she seemed to know he was questioning it because she told him anyway. “My family has a bodyguard service.”

“Is there anything the Umehara’s don’t do?”

“Crystal meth,” she replied. She squinted at Bucky’s lips. “Charlie…”

Charlotte was a little busy trying to decide if her grandfather’s jacket clashed with her dress, which it obviously did. But she’d already piled on enough symbolic safety blankets in the form of Bucky and Giselle, so she didn’t really care and slipped the jacket on. “Yeah?”

“Do you want everyone to know you’re fucking your bodyguard?”

Cheeks flushed, Bucky wiped his lips with his jacket. Charlotte rolled her eyes. “You literally did fuck your own bodyguard once, Giselle. I fucked my agent. It wouldn’t exactly be a scandal.”

“The things I did when I thought I was straight shouldn’t be held against me now.”

Before opening the front door, Charlotte turned to Bucky. “You sure you wanna come?” He nodded. “We could always stay home and watch The X-Files.”

G rolled her eyes. “Charlotte, I’m not taking this catsuit off until fifty people have seen me in it, let’s go.”

Charlotte took a nervous breath and they headed out for the party.

Before they got there, the club was packed with celebrities from wall to wall. Actors, musicians, directors, producers. People who got famous on YouTube. People who were just there to take pictures of the outfits for their style blogs. The music pulsed through the place like a beating heart, and people danced like mad under the violet and blue lights.

In the bathroom, AJ was hunched over the sink, staring into his own eyes in the mirror. _Don’t fuck this up_ , he thought. _Complete the mission_. He swallowed and cracked his knuckles. He was an agent of Hydra, stone and efficiency. Charlotte was a mark, like any other.

But she wasn’t.

It wasn’t that he _couldn’t_ hurt her, given the opportunity to do so he would have done it without hesitation, it was just that she was onto him. Women were never usually onto him. Before officially joining Hydra, women were rarely ever as tuned into the fact that he had ill intentions. That made Charlotte different, and pissed him the hell off.

Charlotte was two steps ahead. At her birthday party, she caught his hand before he could raise it, and threw it back in his face. It was nearly impossible for him to complete his mission when she was so resistant, and held him under a microscope.

AJ was Hydra, like his father, and his father’s father. His self-worth revolved around his devotion to Hydra. He was already on his third strike. Charlotte was his final chance and he wasn’t about to let her slip through his fingers.

He walked out into the party again, a false smile painted on his face as a group of friends cheered him on. His eye was the door, waiting for her to walk through with her guests so that he could pull her away from them. Three songs passed without a trace of Charlotte Jones, and he sat at the bar and ordered a shot of vodka. Pure vodka.

He tapped his fingers on the bar and someone tapped his shoulder. It was Charlotte. She looked about as excited to be there as someone would be to be at their own execution, but she was there. Standing behind her was about six feet of pure muscle hiding behind sunglasses and a bodyguard’s jacket.

AJ raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were joking about him but I guess not.”

“I don’t know why you thought I was joking but I’m here.”

He looked around and spotted Giselle dancing with a redhead in the middle of the floor. “You brought G?”

“I said I would.” She sat down beside him and the bartender approached her. “Can I get water?”

“You don’t drink anymore?”

“Not at these parties, too risky.”

AJ looked down. Charlotte’s knuckles were bruised and so were her bodyguard’s. Well, the knuckles he could see, her guard kept one of his hands in the pocket of his pants, which seemed odd.

He chuckled, trying to figure out what this could mean. “Are you in a fight club now?”

“I’ve taken up boxing.”

 _Shit._ “Interesting.”

“It’s not that interesting.” After getting her glass from the bartender, she looked around at the rest of the guests. It was a blur of shining faces, some looking at her as if she were a rare species of bird. She couldn’t help but laugh. “These aren’t nearly as fun as I remember them being…”

“You don’t like a bunch of white people grinding to the same three Migos songs?”

“I don’t like feeling like a circus act.” Her hand shook. She tried remembering what her therapist said about controlling her nerves. She just had to remind herself that she was in control. It was just a party, anyway. It wasn’t like her life was in danger. “Club’s nice at least.”

AJ smirked. “This marks the longest conversation we’ve ever had, you know?”

“Don’t get excited.” Charlotte’s attention was soon stolen by Giselle pulling her to the dancefloor. “Duty calls.”

She went to dance and Bucky hung back, eyeing AJ. Familiarity wasn’t something he was accustomed to, this was a new world and all faces were equally new to him. AJ’s face wasn’t. AJ was so familiar that, behind the dark sunglasses on his face, Bucky’s eyes widened with fear.

“You got an issue, my man?” AJ asked. He shook his head. “Your girl looks gorgeous tonight, you better keep a close eye on her. Not too many dudes in here with good reputations.”

Rather than answer him, Bucky turned his attention to Charlotte. She was dancing now, circled by Giselle and Natasha. She smiled up at him and he smiled back. They couldn’t touch each other there, so all he could do was watch her and imagine dancing with her. They’d done it before, moving the couches in the living room to slow dance, but there was something sweet about dancing in a crowded room with the whole world around you but your mind focused on the person in your arms.

Giselle noticed AJ staring and her eyes fixed on him. She twirled Charlotte around and scowled. “He say something weird to you?”

“Not yet.”

AJ was re-assessing the situation. Charlotte had clearly been fighting. He had to get rid of her inhibitions if he was going to get anything from her. Luckily, no one ever came to these parties empty handed.

Giselle watched him walk across the room to a group of guys who were sitting together in a corner. “Some men really don’t know the word ‘no’.”

They danced for a few more songs before sitting down. Giselle took off her heels and went to get the group a round of drinks. Bucky sat with Charlotte while she waited and he let out a heavy sigh. She looked up at him.

“You hate this, too, don’t you?” she asked him. He let his head hang down. “I wish I could dance with you.”

“I know.”

She bit her lip. “Some girl from Nickelodeon was just staring at your ass.” He looked shocked. “You’re really hot, Bucky.”

His cheeks got a little pink but then he got cocky. “I mean…”

She smiled and lifted her glass up to her lips. “Bucky Barnes still got it.”

He looked her up and down. “I guess I do.”

Giselle returned with drinks took a quick selfie to send to Natasha. “I’ve sent like five already,” she said. “Foreplay.”

Charlotte sucked her teeth. “God, I hate when you do that…”

“What?!”

“Tell me when you’re about to have Skype sex!”

“I like to brag, Lottie, you know that!” When Charlotte set her glass down, AJ was sliding into the booth next to them. Giselle shifted away from him. “Okay, now you’re creepy.”

“I thought you were bored, thought you’d want company.”

“My company is right here,” Charlotte told him, pointing to Bucky and G. “You invited me, thank you, that was really nice, but I told you I didn’t want to be your friend.”

“I know, but I brought something…” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a few pills. Charlotte’s jaw dropped. “It’s ecstasy.”

Giselle rolled her eyes. “Oh, fuck you!”

“Can you please leave?” Bucky asked. “She’s not interested.”

“Charlotte, c’mon! This is a party full of people who are high out of their minds and you’re sitting here bored.”

“Dude, she said no.”

“Bucharest…”

Bucky stood up and walked, as calmly as he could, over to AJ. He put his human hand on his shoulder. “I think you need to go.”

AJ stood up. He couldn’t match Bucky in size or stature, but he didn’t care. “I heard her.”

“So do it.”

AJ looked back at Charlotte, his mission. He wasn’t going to fail again. “I’m not gonna stop trying.”

He walked away and Bucky turned to her. “Are you okay?”

Charlotte nodded. “I need to pee.”

“Do you want me to guard the door?” Bucky asked.

“Want me to come with you?” asked G.

She shook her head. “Just keep partying, I’ll be right back.”

Charlotte made a beeline for the bathroom on the other side of the club. There was a long line outside of the other one, and this one was tucked in a corner where she could conveniently avoid awkward run ins with drunk girls who loved her when they were kids and “felt bad” about what happened with Aaron.

She walked into the empty bathroom and checked all of the stalls. Once she knew there was no one else there, she locked herself in a stall and allowed herself a moment to panic. She took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

If she were home, she would cuddle up to Bucky’s chest and feel safe, but she couldn’t here. She wasn’t in the dream she’d built with Bucky, this was her old life, where she had no protection and no comfort.

But she wasn’t the old Charlotte, and she wasn’t about to let the old life beat her again.

She got out of the stall, ready to go back into the party with a renewed sense of confidence, but was surprised to see AJ leaning on the sink. She stared at him for a moment, and he moved out of the way to let her wash her hands.

“This is the ladies room, AJ.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, and Charlotte noticed his ring. “I wanted to apologize, this was the only place.”

She stared at him for a long while before replying, “It really wasn’t, and I don’t want your apology.” She went to dry her hands and he stood in her way. “God, what is your problem?”

“You are,” he said. “Charlotte, I really like you.”

“So?”

“So… Why won’t you try me out?”

She gestured to everything around them. “You followed me into the bathroom after offering me ecstacy.”

“What’s wrong with ecstacy?”

“My shithole ex boyfriend used party drugs to coerce me, read a tabloid sometime.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry. This is weird, but it’s the only way I could think to get you to talk to me, outside of trapping you in an elevator.”

“I’m sorry, do you think this is cute?”

He chuckled. “No, but I think you are.”

He walked closer to her, and she moved too quick for him to trap her against the sink. She raised a finger at him, glaring daggers. “Don’t touch me. Only one man can touch me.”

“And that’s a lucky man, but does he make you feel good?”

“God, please, this is making me super uncomfortable.”

AJ laughed. “Damn, you really won’t even try to like me? How are we gonna do this movie?”

“I’m a Golden Globe winner, I’ll make something up.”

 _Bang! Bang! Bang!_ “Charlotte? You okay in there?!” asked Giselle from the otherside of the bathroom’s door.

Charlotte didn’t take her eyes off of AJ. “You don’t have to knock, G. It’s a public bathroom.”

“It’s locked from the inside.”

Her heart stopped. In an instant, AJ’s expression went from charming to lethal. “What?” She started backing towards the door and he followed her. “Giselle?”

She turned and ran to unlock the bathroom, when AJ pushed her against the hard tile wall. She saw red for a moment, then she saw nothing but his eyes. “Charlotte, I could have anyone I wanted, but I want you. You’re special, don’t you get that?” When she didn’t immediately respond, he slammed the palm of his hand against the wall. “DON’T YOU?”

She didn’t even flinch. Loud, bossy assholes were nothing more than scared boys, she’d learned that a long time ago. “You’re not special enough.”

“When did you grow balls of steel, huh? Aren’t you America’s Sweetheart or princess or some shit like that? Giselle goes on and on about how sweet and gentle you are and how you take care of everyone.”

“I don’t take care of entitled fuckboys.”

“Oh please, honey, I’ve seen the guys you’ve fallen for.”

“Fuck you.”

“Please do.” She punched him, knocking him back. He held his jaw. “What the fuck?”

“Where the fuck did you get that ring?!” she shouted, pointing at his hand “Where the fuck did you get that Hydra ring, AJ?!”

“Hydra ring?!”

She grabbed his hand and held up the ring on his middle finger. “This is the same fucking band that was found at my parent’s house when they were robbed, what the hell are you doing with a band like this?!”

He froze and didn’t answer. Charlotte’s eyes and veins glowed. Her grip tightened, nearly crushing the bone in his wrist.

Noticing that Charlotte had been gone for a while, with no signs of Giselle, Bucky rushed over to the bathroom. Giselle was busy explaining to a woman that there was a bathroom on the other side of the club she could use, while she dug through her bag for something.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked. He heard some commotion inside. The woman walked away, leaving him alone with Giselle. “Is Lottie in there?”

Giselle’s eyes showed more panic than the rest of her face. “With AJ.”

He tried pushing the door open. When that didn’t work, he tried banging it. “Shit, shit, shit, shit…”

“So it’s true…” AJ said. “You _are_ like your grandmother.”

Charlotte’s head tilted. “Yeah?” she asked. Her voice accompanied by a few others. “And who the hell are you?”

She bent his arm back, breaking it. He screamed in pain and she let go. No one besides Bucky and G could hear him. The music was almost too loud for them to speak lower than a shout. AJ stood up slowly, clutching his arm with furious eyes. From his sleeve came a dagger, and Charlotte stood, unwavering. He lunged at her and she dodged him, taking the dagger from his hand and standing ready.

Without his dagger, he lunged again. This time, she pinned him to the wall with her forearm against his throat. “Who the hell are you?” He laughed. She punched him so hard a tooth flew out. “We won’t ask so kindly again.”

“I am the man you think I am,” he said, licking his bloody lips. “But I am also more. My grandfather was a legend in Hydra, one of the men who trained The Winter Soldier.”

The brown flashed in her eyes for a moment, but she didn’t release her hold on him. “Don’t lie to us.”

“I’m not lying, I’m bragging. I carry a legacy of excellence, and you are my mission.” She pressed harder on his throat, and he gasped for air. “You know what we call you? Nemesis. But once we can make more of you? It’ll be like an army of Furies. Beautiful chaotic soldiers.”

“We won’t let you do that.”

 _Bang! Bang! Bang!_ “Your friends are still outside. Do you want them to keep making noise, huh? You want the world to find out what you are and come swarming around you and everyone you love? The Avengers don’t keep friends for a reason, sweetheart.”

Charlotte turned to the door and released AJ. Her eyes slowly returned to normal. Giselle picked the lock and opened the door, but AJ had already zoomed past them and out of the bathroom, and Charlotte was so weakened that she had to hold onto the sink to stand at all.

Bucky ran over to her, helping her back on her feet. “Did he hurt you?”

Exhausted, she shook her head. “He tried.”

She stood up on her own but stumbled. Bucky caught her. It wasn’t hard to see that she was wired. Her glowing veins were filled with adrenaline. She wasn’t thinking, she just wanted to move, she wanted to catch AJ before he could do something worse.

“I’m fine, Bucky.”

They got out of the bathroom. Giselle scanned the room for AJ. In the distance, she spotted him darting through the dancing crowd. She pushed her way through to try and catch him.

Charlotte was standing on her own now, and Bucky took her hand.  “Let’s go get you some water and get the hell out of here.”

G chased AJ through the backdoors of the club into the kitchen. He rushed through, out to the corridors heading towards the back alley. She had to slow him down. She couldn’t stop him, but she could at least slow him down.

She pulled a bobby pin from her hair, it was an Umehara design: A sharp look, and a sharp weapon. She threw the pin at his leg and it stuck in his thigh. He wailed with pain and looked back at her. She took out a second pin and threw it towards his face, slashing him in the eye. He stopped running and tried to stop the bleeding. Giselle pulled out her phone and called 911 before going back to Charlotte and Bucky.

* * *

 

When they got home, Charlotte immediately took a shower. She looked down at her hands and arms. She wasn’t glowing anymore, but she still felt odd. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was odd. She felt as if she’d gotten stronger somehow.

There was a lot for her to process, AJ was Hydra and she was his mission. AJ was the direct descendant of one of the men who tortured Bucky. AJ could have killed her, but he didn’t, because she had her grandmother’s blood in her veins.

She stepped out of the shower and dried off. Bucky knocked on the door and she opened it for him. He leaned on the doorway with one hand behind his back, with his soft blue puppy dog eyes nonverbally asking if she was okay.

“I’m fine, baby.” she told him. “I wasn’t expecting the night to end with my powers coming out but these New York nights are full of surprises.”

“You handled yourself real well. Not even a scratch.”

She grinned. “I finally learned to throw a punch.”

“Yeah? Where’d you learn that?”

“Shut up.” They laughed and Bucky pulled his hand from behind his back, he was holding her jar of coconut oil. She glanced at it for a moment. “Is that a gift?”

He shook his head. “No, I just… You had a long night…”

“You wanna rub coconut oil on my braids?”

“Yeah, is that weird?”

“No, it’s very sweet.”

“I’ve watched you do this before. I think I know how.”

She thought about it, then took the jar from him. “Alright. I’ll do a few to show you how to do it right, and then you can do the rest.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Charlotte sat on the floor, and Bucky sat on the bed. She put a bit of coconut oil in her palm and rubbed it along one of her braids from the root to the tip. She went slow, so that he could see everything that she did.

When he took over, she let her eyes shut. In true Bucky Barnes fashion, he was gentle, yet so focused. She hummed blissfully and he chuckled to himself.

“Am I doing alright?”

“You’re doing better than alright…” She looked down. “Bucky, AJ said something to me that really freaked me out…”

“Was it freakier than him telling you that he’s a Hydra agent?”

She sighed. “He said… He said that his grandfather… Do you remember the men who trained you in Hydra?”

Bucky’s hands slowed, the question clearly caught him off-guard, but he answered. His voice was real low. “Is that what was so familiar about him?”

“I had to tell you… I just didn’t know how, or how you’d take it.”

Bucky wasn’t sure how to take it either. He was torn between being angry and being afraid. None of the monsters who tore his life apart should have lived long enough to have children, much less grandchildren, but they did. One of their grandchildren grew up to be just like them, a cruel Nazi, and now they were targeting the woman he adored.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He stopped working on her hair for a moment and tilted her head back, pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’m okay as long as you are.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “Lemme finish your hair, okay?”

She lifted her head up and he went back to work on her hair. But he wasn’t quite okay. There was a part of him that was boiling. If he ever saw AJ again, it would boil over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let bucky massage your scalp bby girl


	19. Midnight Mind Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> charlotte's nightmares are just as bad as bucky's  
> i promise that charlotte will stop suffering EVENTUALLY  
> in other news i edited this to hell and back so here it IS

Bucky always slept light. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't. Even in whatever blurry pictures he could recall about his life before the war, he slept light, always ready. His dreams didn't give him much comfort or solace. What did, when he found himself jolted from sleep at random, was looking over at Charlotte. The world's greatest artists could only dream of the view he had. He would plant feathery kisses on her skin and on her face as she slept and she'd make sweet, pleased noises that made his heart flutter like he was a teenager. 

It was easy to tell when Charlotte was having a nightmare. She would toss more, sometimes she would sweat and gasp in her sleep. It made him feel a little bad, because he couldn't help her in her dreams, but he always held her close so that she would have something warm to wake up to. 

It took a while for Charlotte to get to sleep after what happened in the club. Bucky couldn't get over how brave she was, how fierce she was. Confidence for Charlotte was a bit of an acquired trait but she wore it so well. That didn't mean that everything was completely fine afterwards. Charlotte was certainly proud of herself and relatively unshaken after the incident, but something was keeping her awake nonetheless. 

Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was her endless thoughts, but she'd been trying for a frustrating hour when she turned to him. "Mmm Bucky?"

He rubbed his eyelids. "Yeah?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"No, Charlotte. Need something?"

She nodded. "Can you get me some melatonin and a glass of water?" He started getting out of bed and she hummed. "Thank you."

"Uh-huh..."

He shuffled to the kitchen and found the melatonin and poured her a glass of water. He walked back and she was sitting upright with her tired eyes closed. He set the water down next to her, and handed her the bottle of melatonin. She giggled. 

"I didn't need the whole bottle, but thank you." She took the melatonin with a sip and curled back into Bucky's soft chest, breathing him in. The night had been so long, she was ready for it to finally end, but her brain was keeping her up. It was a little bit too much, all of this. The only time she seemed to be completely calm and safe was in bed with Bucky.  "Bucky?" 

"Yeah?"

"Your voice sounds so husky when you're half asleep," she remarked with a smile. "But not rough, it's like scotch for the ears." She chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. "When I first met you, did you think I was stupid?"

"What?"

"Be honest with me."

He shook his head. "You made me nervous but stupid never crossed my mind."

"It's just that... I don't know... I feel like a lot of people think I'm stupid..." She yawned, it was a big yawn, slightly shaking her body. "So they think they can hurt me. It's like how all of those newspapers called you mindless or cold-blooded. You're far from it but they want to rationalize why they want you gone. People rationalize taking advantage of me. AJ thought I would be easy to trick. God, I hate that I'm still thinking about this."

Charlotte's words had Bucky's mind going. He looked out into the dark. The newspapers called him mindless, and he would have described himself that way at a certain point, but Charlotte was right, he was far from it. That's why he needed the trigger words gone. As long as he had his mind under his own control, he could recover. For as long as he'd been free from Hydra, he'd never quite thought about it that way. It was always Charlotte showing him his reflection in a new light. 

"When you're sleepy, your voice gets real soft," Bucky said. His mouth curled into a grin. "I always think it's like... Breathy. You're too tired to raise your voice so you just breathe it all out. It calms me down." Charlotte looked up at him and he looked down at her. "When I met you, you tricked the whole world into trying to find you. That's not stupid. I couldn't even fucking manage that."

"Thank you, baby."

He could tell that talking was lulling her to sleep, so he kept it going. "Anything else on your mind?"

Charlotte pursed her lips and thought about it. "Clubs suck..." He chuckled and she smiled. "I mean, they're just not fun. Or maybe I'm not fun anymore? Maybe I'm not fun anymore... When I was a party girl, I obviously wasn't working much but I didn't really have to. I was in clubs every other night. I used to do this thing at clubs where I would take a shot for every beat drop and this crowd of people would circle around me and watch. Since I love performing, I thought it was okay. An audience is an audience, a show is a show..." There was something clouding her chest, as she thought about her younger self. She sniffled, and Bucky looked down at her. "I'm okay..."

"If you're crying, you aren't okay." 

She yawned again, feeling the tug of sleep pulling at her at last. "I'm not really crying. I just... I just need sleep..."

She stopped talking, and Bucky felt her get heavy as her heartbeat slowed down. He rubbed her back and closed his own eyes, not sleeping, just trying not to lay in bed with her in his arms and red in his eyes. It was easier said than done. Whenever he thought about AJ his pulse quickened and his fists clenched. In all honesty, he probably just needed some air, but he didn't want to move an inch and risk waking Charlotte up. 

Hours passed and Charlotte was starting to make the usual noises she made during a nightmare, tossing around the bed. Bucky reached out to touch her, but she pulled away. His brows furrowed, that never happened. His second attempt ended the same, but this time with her mumbling, "No..."

As a precaution, Bucky kept his distance. He gave her some space and sat up, just watching her. She'd started to sweat and babble. "Please... Stop... Stop..." Breaths turned to pants- desperate, frightened pants - and Charlotte whimpered. "Bucky..." 

Bucky felt _helpless_. The only thing he could think to do was try waking her up, but he wasn't even sure that he should have done that. She responded to his efforts with a gasp, and he pulled his hand away like a cat that'd burned it's paw. 

Her body curled into itself, a full fetal position in the center of the bed. She clutched the sheets.  "Alone..." She flinched. "No... No...."

Whatever storm had blown through her mind started to calm or at least grow into an uneasy quiet. She whispered little 'No's as her breathing slowed but her heart was still racing. Bucky just watched with wide eyes and waited.

It was silent for a while after that. Minutes that felt like hours dragged on. Finally, Charlotte woke up, panicked. She scrambled until she was sitting up, Bucky grabbed her arm and tried to get her to look at him and calm down. 

"Bucky!" she rasped. "Oh God!"

"Charlotte, what's going on?"

She looked around the room as if she were reorienting herself with reality. Feeling her bedsheets under her fingertips, smelling the air freshener, was an enormous comfort. She caught her breath and turned to her concerned boyfriend, then shook her head. The fear in her eyes was palpable, Bucky had been that afraid before. He'd been that afraid of other people and himself, and in that moment he wasn't sure which one Charlotte was afraid of.

"You were gone," she told him, running a hand over his stubbled jaw. "I had a dream that we were together, somewhere quiet, and they found us- Hydra, found us- and they pulled you away from me and... and... It was all a mess... I was screaming and my powers were triggered, and I... Fuck, I shot a guy, I stole his gun and shot him in the leg and tried to run to you. But they caught me. It was AJ. He put handcuffs on me..."

Bucky shook his head. "He's not gonna hurt you..."

"He didn't, he hurt _you_." Her voice cracked. She sipped her water, Bucky was relieved that she wasn't the villain of her nightmare, but his animosity towards AJ only grew. "They... they tried using the trigger words, they tried it three times and it didn't work. They got pissed off and AJ kicked you in the face. I did something stupid, I can't remember what but they got so mad at me and they..."

She froze, paralyzed by the thought, and turned to him. He knew. He knew exactly what they did. It was the thing that caused her to flinch, a reaction to a gunshot. They looked at each other in silence, neither of them had the words to say in this moment, to each other. 

Charlotte went on...

"I started crying and screaming, and I closed my eyes and I tried getting myself to wake up, but it wouldn't work. Then..." She laughed at herself. "... My grandparents showed up."

Bucky's face softened. "Oh my God..."

"And my grandfather starts comforting me in French, and my grandmother tells me that the whole dream is part of my powers. My nightmares will be worse and scarier than normal because my powers require me to be connected to my fears and my rage. Since I'm afraid of Hydra hurting you, I had a nightmare about it. She told me... 'You got work to do and they're not done with you yet'. The problem is, I don't know what the hell that means..."

"You don't have to know right now," he told her. "Wow..."

She wiped her eyes. "They were clear as day, you'd swear it was really happening."

"Did it comfort you at all?" She nodded. "Good."

She laughed dryly. "That's not saying much given the nightmare I had."

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

She shook her head. "Not a chance. But I don't want to leave the bed either."

Bucky thought for a moment. Charlotte was always there for him during his nightmares, but that was all he needed. She was different. Her brain wasn't so easily soothed. An idea hit him immediately, he felt stupid for not thinking of it sooner. He got out of bed, and Charlotte watched him walk over to the dresser and grab her phone and her headphones. He climbed back into bed and handed them to her. 

"To get you out of there for a minute..." 

"Thank you," She combed her fingers through his short, curly hair. "Sorry for keeping you up."

"You didn't keep me up, I just want you to be okay."

She put on her headphones and picked a quiet song, then returned to her place on his chest, where she could hear his heart beating alongside her music. Bucharest memories flooded back, as his heartbeat was her nighttime soundtrack during the last days there, but she was overwhelmed by how different it felt now. Before, Bucky felt so temporary, but here he was steady as a rock, grounding her when nothing else felt grounded. 

_Holding you I'm touching a star_

_Turning into a Marilyn_

_Leaning out of your big car_

_Holding you I'm touching a star_

_Stay the night if you think you know_

_Think you know what you're good for_

* * *

In the morning, Charlotte peeled herself out of bed. She took a short, cold shower, brushed her teeth, and pulled her braids into a lazy bun atop her head. She slipped into some gym clothes that she’d gotten for free in a brand deal, and she didn’t speak once.

The rest of the night brought reflection.  _You got work to do and they’re not done with you yet_. Work. Work. Work. Maybe that’s what she needed: to focus more energy on her powers. Every time she looked away from them another anxiety clouded her mind, so maybe she just needed a bit of tunnel vision, and that nightmare was more than enough motivation.

Giselle and Bucky looked on in concern as she made the world’s healthiest smoothie. Kale. Blackberries. A banana. Carrots. They exchanged a few worried looks and moved as if they were going to say something, but then decided against it. The blender drowned out their conversation. When the green drink was done, she took the bottle from the blender and finally acknowledged them.

“Morning!” She sipped her smoothie. “This could use some sugar.”

“You okay? After last night?” Bucky asked. "I know you didn't get back to sleep."

Charlotte nodded. “Well, I'm not okay, but I'm not shaking anymore.”

Bucky and G looked at each other then back at her. “Are you heading to the gym?” asked G. "Wait, what happened last night?"

“I had a nightmare. Will you come with me?”

Giselle shook her head. “You know I hate gyms. My slender physique comes from the cardio routine God intended- Sex. Bucky, what was the nightmare about?”

"Hydra," he replied. "And some other bullshit."

Charlotte raised a brow and a cup of dark green nonsense in Bucky's direction. He was really worried for her, but he wanted to believe that she wasn't just taking an interest in her powers to protect him from what was in her nightmare. "Gym?"

He took the smoothie. “I think you should rest after last night."

She groaned. "I was going to but I've been thinking. Last time we were in the gym, we tried channeling my anger, but it was never good enough, it was never focused, I was still out of control. I think, if I practice, I can focus it or contain it so that I have complete control over it."

Bucky nodded, it seemed level-headed enough, although he knew Charlotte rarely did anything unless she had a level-head. "I'll go to the gym with you." He sipped then shook his head. "Needs sugar, doll."

"So we're just ignoring the nightmare?"

Charlotte looked at Bucky, and he just sipped. "Yeah, we are."

Giselle threw her hands up in surrender. "Whatever! Alright." She watched Bucky struggle to drink the rest of the smoothie. "God, that's love right there," she said, heading out of the kitchen. "Adorable..."

Charlotte grinned at Bucky. “Thank you.” She kissed him gently and nuzzled his nose with hers. "I'm sorry for freaking you out."

He put his cup down and held her face, kissing her deeper. "You scared the hell out of me, but you know I don't want you apologizing for that." He smirked. "Maybe if you start scaring the hell out of everyone, they'll leave you alone."

Bucky showered and they walked to the gym. Charlotte kept the images of the nightmare stewing in her subconscious, ready to boil. When it felt too much, she would look at Bucky and feel fine again. These moments were miniature test runs. 

The visit from her grandparents didn’t feel like a coincidence, it felt like a hint. Her plan was to use the nightmare to try and control when her powers shut on and off. It was a bit like Bucky's triggers, except meant to protect and not destroy.

The gym was hot, which helped. Heat increased aggression, so she was in the perfect climate for her powers. She stood in front of the punching bag, Bucky wrapped her hands. He was back in trainer mode, checking her stance and making sure she wasn't about to accidentally cause injury for himself. It was mostly out of habit, when her powers activated, Charlotte's form was perfect. 

That didn't make him any less nervous, as she wasn't bullet or knife-proof, and injuries sustained during her trances stayed when she came back to her senses. 

"Ready to see if this works, tough girl?" he asked her with a small grin. He held her chin up. "You okay doing this on four hours of sleep?"

Charlotte chuckled. "Bucky, I'm fine. I've done more on less."

Bucky walked out of her way. “Now, keep your thumbs out or-”

“I’ll break them.” She smirked. “Sometimes I learn…”

He stepped back. "Don't push yourself too hard, alright, badass?"

"I'll try."

She focused on her target. _You got work to do and they’re not done with you yet_. It didn't take much for her powers to kick in. She tried not to black out completely, but be in the moment, making it less like a possession and more like a joining of several minds in one body. Almost instantly, she was charging for the punching bag as if it were AJ himself. She punched it, hard, fast. It was as if she imagined what a real fight between them would be like and was acting it out. With the help of her ancestors, she was a master fighter.

Just like last time, she punched the bag to the ground. But this time she didn't stop there. She stood over it and kicked it. Then crouched down and kept punching.

_Fuck. You. Fuck. You. Fuck. You._

She recalled the men who tortured her grandparents. The men who tortured Bucky.

“Fuck. You. Fuck. You.”

Aaron. AJ. Those who robbed her parents.

“Fuck! You! Fuck! You!”

Her depression. The tabloids. Herself.

“FUCK YOU!”

She punched a hole through the bag, making a dent on the floor.

Then, she thought about Bucky's smile.

Like a switch had been flipped, she crashed back into reality. She pulled her arm out of the punching bag and looked at her bloodied knuckles. Bucky ran over to her, and was surprised to see her smiling.

“You okay, beautiful?”

She stood up and smiled excitedly, if not a bit devious. “We gotta do that again.”

Matching her mischief, Bucky nodded and grabbed a few more punching bags, setting them each up on the post, ready for her. This time, they tried getting her to do it on command. Bucky said, “Go!”, she closed her eyes and focused on that anger, then she attacked the second bag.

She pulled herself out of it thinking about the day she turned sixteen and Tony tried teaching her to drive in his convertible against her parents’ wishes. That was the first time she called him her brother, and she never forgot the look on his face.

She was still a bit dizzy coming down, but the recoil wasn’t nearly as bad. “Again!”

The routine went on. Anger. Fury. Then thinking about doing Giselle’s makeup for her first date. G was nervous, but so excited, and Charlotte couldn’t have been happier to have been a part of it.

Her veins were glowing and beautiful, even the veins in her neck and head glowed bright. Bucky ran over to her to check on her and she couldn’t contain her excitement. “It worked!” She pulled him down onto the floor with her. “Bucky! I think I can control my powers! I found my Bruce Banner trick.”

He smiled. “Really?” She kissed him again. “Charlotte.” She kissed down his Adam’s apple and it took everything in him not to just give in. “Charlotte, baby, _public gym_.”

She bit her lip. “Sorry, I got hype." She sat back on her heels. "Ugh. Am I superhero now?"

Bucky laughed. "Not if you don't want to be."

“You would know. You're a superhero.” she told him. He was ready to dispute it, but she put her finger to his lips. “You don't know how many times you've saved me.”

“Yeah, well, you save me every time you smile so what does that make you?" He looked away. “Last night I sort of wished I was a superhero, I hated seeing you like that.”

“You always sell yourself short, baby. You were everything that I needed. You were more than enough.” Her phone rang. "Oh for fuck's sake... Every time we have a moment..." She got up and walked over to her bag to get it, only for the call to be from Tony. “Yeah, old man?”

“Old man? Rude. Your boy toy is 99 years old.”

“Why are you calling me?”

“We've got Wanda.” Charlotte clutched the phone a little tighter, the wind was nearly knocked out of her as she looked back at Bucky. “She’s here and she really wants to help, but I’m thinking she could actually be a plan b.”

“What the fuck are you talking about Tony? She’s our only plan.”

“No, Lottie, she _was_ our only plan. But you seem to be forgetting something.” She rolled her eyes, knowing what he was about to say, but not being able to stop him. “Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.”

“Add 'Worst guy I know' to that list.”

“I’m your brother and your elder, you will show me some respect,” he said. Behind her, Bucky threw a few lazy punches at a punching bag and looked on. She kept looking back at him and he couldn’t decide if the look she gave was positive or not. “We’ll talk more about it whenever you get here.”

“Tomorrow sound good?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. Bucky has work until, like, six. We’ll be there after that.”

“See you then, sis.”

“See you then..." She scraped her teeth against her bottom lip. "If this works, I'll consider letting you be the godfather to the kids I probably won't have. If it doesn't, Rhodey's getting the title."

"Well, cross your fingers."

She hung up the phone and held it close to her chest. Bucky waited for her to say something, anything. Her expression was one of optimistic uncertainty. He stopped punching the bag and walked towards her. "Is it good news?"

"It depends on you." He waited for her to elaborate. "This is your last chance to back out of meeting with Tony and Wanda to get the trigger words out. I can call him right now and never talk about it again, it's up to you."

"When?"

"Tomorrow," she replied. "I know it's so soon but it's just a talk. No definites. I know it's scary. Everything's up in the air, but I told you, somehow, I would get those triggers out of your hea-” Bucky wrapped his arms around her tight, and she hugged him back just as tight. “It’s finally happening, Bucky… It's not a fix but it's a step...”

"It's a big step..." He kissed her on the cheek. “We’re gonna be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next one's MASSIVE


	20. Reboot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRUH! tell me why this chapter gave me such a hard time

Bucky got back from work, tired but buzzed with anticipation. Charlotte was in their room, packing an overnight bag. She was so excited, but the moment drawing closer to actuality made her extremely nervous.

“You okay?”

“Uh-huh. Why are you asking? Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged. “I’m not complaining but I’ve never seen you pack naked before.”

She looked down at her naked body and sighed. She quickly pulled out some underwear. “That’s why it was so cold in here, I was gonna pull out the space heater…”

“Charlotte…”

“Hmm?”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “Whatever happens in there, whatever happens to me, it’s fine. Alright?” He looked into her eyes. “The most important thing in the _world_ is that you’re fine, and you will be. After all we’ve been through, that’s the one thing I’m sure of. You’ll be more than fine.”

Charlotte’s ears were quick when she was anxious. She caught and questioned everything. “Are you saying that you _won’t_?”

“I’m saying that I don’t know.”

“That’s not comforting.” She sniffled and put on her bra. “You’re gonna be fine, too.”

“That’s never been the case.”

“Then it’s about time it started being the case. We don’t have to be happy, we just have to be fine. Fine is me and you together, unbothered for once in our very bothered lives.”

Bucky chuckled. “I thought this moment would be calm.”

“I’m calm!” She took a deep breath and lowered her voice. “I’m very calm. Well, I _was_ before you started with the ‘Whatever happens’ speech.”

She turned toward the closet, and Bucky walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “What can I say to reassure you, huh?”

She shrugged. “I’m scared as hell.”

“I’m not,” he said. He kissed her shoulder and let his head rest there. “I mean, I am, but I’m not. Because I know you’ll be there… So whatever happens-”

“Ugh!”

“I’ll be with _you_ , so it’ll all be okay.”

“You know how many times I’ve tried to kill myself, I’m not exactly an unshakeable emotional anchor.”

“Never wanted you to be an anchor. What’s it called on a ship? The partner of the captain?”

“First mate.”

“There you go.” She turned towards him. “Iubirea trece prin apa, nu-i e frica ca se-neaca.”

She smiled. “You’re corny.”

He cleared his throat. “Charlotte…” He wanted to ask her so badly, he was practically bursting at the seams. It was simple, in theory, just asking her to be his and his alone. But that was forever. And it just felt too damn soon in the day to think about forever. “You’re still not wearing underwear.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, right…”

Giselle knocked on the door. “We decent?”

“No!”

“By ‘we’ I mean Bucky. I’ve never seen him naked and I don’t want to. I’m sure he has a tight physique but I’m really not about it.”

“I’m not naked,” Bucky told her.

She cracked open the door and peeked around it to make sure. “How are you guys?”

“We’re almost ready to go.”

“Alright.”

Bucky was surprised. “Giselle, you’re coming?”

“I was told something medical was going on and I wanted to be there for you, Silver.” She patted him on the arm. “Everything’s gonna be fine and peachy. My horoscope told me that positive changes are ahead.”

Charlotte was finally dressed. She put on her jacket and grabbed the overnight bag from the bed. “That’s everything.” Bucky kissed her on the cheek. “I know, I know, whatever happens…”

“I was gonna thank you.”

“You don’t have to. I woulda done this for you even if you weren’t the love of my life.”

Charlotte left the room. Bucky released the nervous, shallow breath he'd been holding.

* * *

The trio drove to the Avengers facility, avoiding the main roads and the paparazzi that usually followed. Charlotte let Bucky rest his hands in her lap. The drive was shorter than they’d anticipated, but no less nerve-wracking.

Almost as if she were being punished, Charlotte’s brain plagued her with the what-ifs. She’d gone through a thousand worst case scenarios and none of it helped her nerves, despite her knowing the unlikelihood of them coming to fruition. This day was something so precious, so important to her, that it was eating her alive to think it could have any negative outcomes.

Being the only person acquainted with the Avengers, Charlotte led the way through the facility. The employees obviously hadn’t been alerted that she’d be visiting, some of them appeared starstruck as she passed through, which was a great way for Bucky to go largely ignored as he walked between his two famous roommates.

“There’s gonna be a lot of familiar faces,” Charlotte warned him as they stepped onto the elevator. “But they all wanna help you, alright?”

“Last time I saw them I was ordered to kill them,” he replied. “I don’t think the atmosphere of the room’s going to be entirely friendly.”

“Sure it will, Charlotte makes every room astoundingly neutral,” said Giselle. “I once saw her break up a fight between three Disney Channel stars, it was kind of incredible.”

Bucky held the elevator door for Charlotte and Giselle. There was no music playing from Tony’s lab, which meant that someone told him to turn it down. Charlotte took a deep breath, then took Bucky’s hand again.

“Are either of you hungry?” G asked. For some reason, she’d managed to spook them both. “Whoa, chill out.”

“I’m fine,” Bucky said.

Charlotte shook her head. “If I eat, I’ll puke.”

“Okay, I brought snacks though.”

Charlotte looked back at her and giggled. “G, this isn’t a class trip.”

“How would you know? You were homeschooled.”

Tony saw them approaching the door and stood straight. Charlotte led Bucky in with a small, nervous wave and a smile directed at all of these friends she hadn’t seen in so long. The first of which being Sharon.

She let go of Bucky’s hand and rushed over to her childhood friend, nearly knocking her over in a hug. “Sharon fucking Carter, long time no see.”

Sharon rubbed Charlotte’s back. “Your hair is _incredible_.”

Charlotte pulled away and held her friend’s face. “You’ve been on the run for ages and you look like a Pantene commercial. How are you?”

“Better now that you're here,” Sharon said with a smile. “I was telling Steve about how much you hate hospitals and he kept insisting this was nothing like a hospital.”

“Right now it’s enough of a hospital to trigger a flight response. But it’s Bucky and we do weird things for love.”

Sharon laughed and peeked around at him. He was sticking near the door, making small talk with Giselle who’d never been in Tony’s lab before and was taking photos like a tourist. “I’m still in disbelief about this, it’s crazy… I remember when you were with Aaron and all the guys before him that didn’t really seem to give a shit. Who knew Bucky Barnes would be the one?”

Charlotte took Sharon’s hands and looked back at him. “God, I love him so much it’s embarrassing,” she told her. “Like, you know those girls we knew who basically acted like two weeks away from their boyfriends was like being tortured? I’m not that extreme, but I could be.”

“He’s your protector, I think that’s perfect for you. I'm really just happy you're okay… You're okay, right?”

“I’m okay.” She turned to Wanda with a grin. “Thank you for being here. I know this is weird, you don't really know either of us…”

As Charlotte spoke, Wanda’s eyes trained on Bucky. She could hear his thoughts clearly as he watched Charlotte navigate greeting the room. She tuned back into the conversation with a smile. “Well, if Stark’s solution is shit I want to make sure everything will be okay.” She touched Charlotte’s arm. “Do you really want to see this? Are you sure you want to be in the room?”

Bucky furrowed his brows at the girl and Charlotte nodded. “I wanna be by his side the entire time.”

Steve and Sam stood behind everyone else, not sure when to step in. Steve froze the moment he saw Bucky with short hair. Years of memories rushed into his mind. It was like looking at his old friend again, familiar, yet so different somehow.

Bucky kept looking over to him, too. Not so much out of familiarity, but bittersweetness. It was Steve, and he remembered Steve, but he remembered Steve through a wall that’d built between who he was and who he used to be.

Steve moved first, slowly approaching him but keeping a safe distance. “Bucky.”

Bucky gave him a small grin. “Hi, Steve.”

It was more than nothing. It was so much more. Steve smiled. “How are you?”

“I could be in worse places, with worse company.”  Charlotte returned to his side, Bucky put his arm around her shoulder. “How are you?”

“Same as you.”

“It’s good to see you,” Bucky said, truthfully. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Of course I’m here.”

Bucky half-grinned at Sam. “I _really_ didn’t know you’d be here.”

Sam dismissed it. “I go where he goes.”

“You could go anywhere, you have wings.”

Charlotte reached up and stroked Steve’s new beard. “I thought you'd shave this by now...” She got on her tiptoes and ran her fingers through his long hair. “What the fuck is going on here?”

Sam laughed. “Steve’s going for a look.”

“He looks good but he also looks like he’s gentrifying Bushwick.” She stepped back and crossed her arms, admiring it from a wider distance. “… I like it.”

Bucky chuckled. “Prepare to have your beard rubbed about fifty more times today.” Charlotte reached up to his face and rubbed his beard. “I really don’t know what this does for you.”

“It’s like petting a cat,” she replied.

“Where’s Nat?” G asked.

“Not here, Tony replied. “I heard you two were a thing now, how’s that?”

“We’re very cute together.” She looked around the room and saw tons of screens, but not much else. “What’s this new plan, Tony? Reverse brainwashing?”

Tony shook his head and pointed at Charlotte. She raised an eyebrow. “Lottie, my pride and joy, my baby sis, your connections came in handy.” He smirked. “I spoke to King T’Challa for a few days after giving him your name, and then spoke to his little sister-”

Charlotte gasped. “You spoke to Shuri?! How is she?”

“She doesn’t like me. BUT! She seems to like you, and was willing to help me figure out a way to get the spiders out of the atomic bomb’s head.”

“The name calling’s probably why she doesn’t like you, Tony,” Sam said. Tony glared at him. “Full offense.”

Wanda sighed. “So good to have us all back together again…”

“Can we rein it back in, folks?” Tony asked. “I didn’t know Wakandans had knowledge of this stuff, but her method is perfect. I can’t replicate it exactly, I don’t think I have everything I need, but I can do my best.”

“That’s all I ask, Tony. Thank you.” Charlotte turned to Bucky, trying to get him to thank Tony, too, but Bucky couldn’t even look at him. She understood and took over. “We’re eternally grateful.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Harboring a fugitive has given you a ‘tude.”

He explained the entire process in detail to them. It was a fairly simple concept with a far more complicated execution, but it was sound. If he could project and access Bucky’s memories, he could pull the bad ones out. He’d tested the tech out on his own mind, and it worked as planned, so he knew it could work on Bucky.

“... And if that fails, we could try using Wanda’s powers.”

Bucky was excited, but he wanted Charlotte’s final opinion. He turned to her, and she nodded at him, urging him to try it. This was the first inch of hope he’d ever gotten, and she wasn’t going to let him turn away from it so easily. He gave Tony his approval, and the room let out a long, relieved breath.

* * *

While Tony set up the tech, Charlotte attached the necessary devices to Bucky’s head. The heart monitor showed that he was anxious, and Charlotte knew exactly how to fix that. She laid her hand over his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles, and softly sang to him.

“It doesn’t hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels… You wanna know, know that it doesn’t hurt me… You wanna hear about the deal I’m making…” Bucky took a deep breath and kept his eyes on her, reminding himself that she was waiting for him on the other side of this. She was waiting to welcome him into a new phase of his life. His heart began to relax. “Yo-ou… You and me-ee…”

He thought back to that day he caught her singing in the stairwell, dancing, free as he’d ever seen her. If only he’d known then how much she’d mean to him. He never would’ve believed she’d be his. She was a freedom that he didn’t have yet, one that he might have been stepping into at that very moment, with the woman he loved singing to him again.

The whole room was tense, but the tension wasn’t negative. They were all abuzz with mixed feelings, the greatest of those feelings being hope. The nervous energy was contained in the hallway, where Giselle paced while she was waiting with Sam, Sharon, and Wanda.

Steve listened to Charlotte sing and watched her tenderness with Bucky, he marvelled at it. He’d always known his goddaughter to be soft towards everyone besides herself, her pain was no secret to him, and he was no stranger to it either. There was something different here. Allowing herself to love and be loved put that softness to use, now she received as much as she gave. In doing so, she’d unlocked a part of Bucky that everyone doubted even existed anymore. Seeing her with his friend was like watching a miracle: two wounded people wholeheartedly deciding to withstand the pain together.

Tony finished setting everything up and cleared his throat. “Is Bucky ready to go to sleep, Kate Bush?”

Charlotte looked down at him and brushed his hair with the palm of her hand. “You ready?”

Bucky nodded. “I love you.” She smiled and kissed him. Before she could pull away, he held her there and brought the kiss deeper, lingering on her lips and not wanting her to ever leave him. When he was satisfied, he laid down on the table and turned to Tony. “I’m ready.”

* * *

The world was bright white when Bucky opened his eyes again. It took a moment for his vision to focus. He didn’t even feel as if he were sleeping. He didn’t dream, it was like his brain had temporarily shut down and then rebooted.

He waited for a moment until he felt he’d regained strength and control, then slowly propped himself up on his elbows. Charlotte and Steve sat across the room, Charlotte leaned on Steve’s shoulder, nipping at the cuticle of her thumb and staring at nothing in the distance.

“Did it work?” Bucky asked. The room woke up quickly, as if thunder startled them. Tony rushed into his line of sight and flashed a light into his eyes. "What the hell?"

Tony shrugged. “They do it on medical shows. Do you feel like a robot?” Bucky shook his head. “Don’t wanna use the arm or anything?”

“No, but I'll consider it if you flash that light in my eyes again."

"That's Bucky..." Charlotte walked over to him. She brushed his beard with her fingers again and smirked when he took her hand and kissed it. Then the smirk fell, and he realized that she'd been crying, and crying heavily. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she told him. “We saw your memories… We saw… We saw  _everything_ … Bucky, it was so fucked up…”

“It’s alright, Charlotte, they were memories.”

She shook her head and more streams fell from her eyes, dripping onto his cheeks, he didn’t mind. “I’m never letting  _anyone_ touch you like that ever again.”

“It’s okay now,” he said, tears starting to well up in his own eyes. “That’s behind me.” He wiped her eyes. “Sunt liber. Suntem în regulă.”

Interrupting the moment, Tony handed Charlotte the notepad where Bucky wrote down the trigger words before they began. She hesitated with it at first, looking into Bucky’s eyes for fear that wasn’t there.

“We have to test it, Charlotte.” Steve told her. “He trusts you more than anyone else here.”

She looked at Tony, then Steve, then at Bucky. He was clearly tense, but encouraging. It was the only way to know for sure if their hard work paid off. Charlotte took the notepad and stood back a safe distance. Steve was on stand-by, just in case. He was the only person strong enough to take The Winter Soldier down.

Charlotte's mouth filled with the taste of blood as she began to read as if she were performing lines from a script. “Longing. Rusted.”

Bucky’s fists began to instinctively clench at his sides. Visceral fear filled him like adrenaline, but it was only the beginning. Inward, he recited a mantra, assuring himself that he was safe and okay where he was. 

“Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen.”

This was usually the point where it clawed and clawed. Bucky closed his eyes, his chest rose and fell, heavy with the usual panic. He didn’t feel any different. Not yet.

“Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One.”

It felt like it was right there yet _not_ all at once. Usually, there was pain in his resistance but he felt nothing but his own stress. 

“Freight car.”

The room grew silent. Bucky sat up and kept his eyes closed for a while and gathered his thoughts before realizing that he could. He caught his breath and looked down at his clenched fists and wondered why they were clenched.

He didn’t feel any different, and that was a world of difference.

Charlotte ripped the trigger words from the notepad and threw them on the ground, rushing over to Bucky and wrapping herself around him. He held her tighter and closed his eyes in disbelief that this was real. He was really free. Free for good.

"I told you we'd be alright," he whispered. "I told you."

“Te iubesc atat de mult.” Charlotte wiped her face. “Tony, thank you."

"You're welcome, kid."

He started walking away, but Charlotte pulled him back. "I want you to formally meet him now. Bucky, this is Tony. Tony, this is Bucky.”  She stepped out of the way so that they could shake hands.

Bucky reached his hand out first, then pulled it back. “I’m genuinely, truly sorry for any hurt I’ve caused you,” he said. “I can’t bring your parents back, I would if I could.”

Tony seemed understanding, but his hands stayed in his pockets. “I’m not gonna get emotional, alright?" Charlotte wanted to kick herself for even trying. She realized it was too soon for them both, a heat of the moment mistake. Then, reluctantly, Tony shook Bucky’s hand. “Just to be clear, I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what happened to my mom, but I can definitely thank you for what you’ve done for Charlotte.”

“Fine with me.”

Charlotte smiled. “God, this is like you meeting my parents..." They all laughed. "Where are we staying tonight?” 

“I told Tony to give you my old room,” Steve replied.

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Just one room? Is G sleeping on the floor?”

Bucky shrugged. “G can have the bed, I’ll take the floor.”

“No, no. _Tony_. Don’t be a dick.”

Tony finally caved. “Fine, you can have my room, just have the sheets washed afterwards.”

Charlotte scoffed and lowered her voice to a whisper. “I can’t believe what you’re implying.”

“Is it a reach, Lottie?”

She rolled her eyes. “No.”

While Charlotte and Tony spoke, Steve grinned at Bucky. "How does it feel?"

Bucky thought about it for a moment, taking everything in. It was a rush, but a good rush. "Unbelievable." Steve patted him on the shoulder. "I almost don't know where to go from here, I feel like I just graduated college..."

"Well, you have options," he told him. "I'm here for you no matter what you choose to do. World's opened up now. We could work on getting this fugitive mess sorted out. You could build a life, with Charlotte, maybe."

Bucky gazed at her. "Charlotte's not a 'maybe'. But neither are you, Steve."

"You say that now."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you're still the same punk."

Giselle opened the door and peaked her head through. She saw that the room was still in order, and that everyone was in a good mood, and she made the correct assumptions. 

"Silver!" She ran over to him. "Wow, you look the same. We're celebrating tonight." The others filed in from the hallway with optimistic smiles on their faces. "Stank, do you have tequila?"

"Not here?"

"Could we possibly get tequila? Beer? Vodka?" She raised an eyebrow. When Tony didn't generate a favorable response, she deflated. "Or we could do it dry, that's fine, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh you think things are going well?


	21. Naked Vows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it starts off cute!

The arm belonged to the Soldier still. Attached like a parasite to Bucky's side with a red star emblazoned on the shoulder. What was once his asset was now a brutal reminder of his time as Hydra's puppet. The disgust often sealed his mouth shut.

Then she kissed it. From shoulder to scars, she kissed and ran her soft hands across his chest. Her pink braids tickled his skin, draping over him like a curtain. She couldn't stop kissing him that night, he didn't mind. It felt better now that he knew he was truly safe for her to be around.

She rubbed the towel over his hair, fluffing it as she did like she was drying off a puppy. Down the hall they could already hear their friends, mostly Giselle, starting celebrations without them. They decided to enjoy the quiet while they had it. It’d only just occurred to them that their love was no longer a secret thing that they built in a dark apartment building, it’d grown to something bigger. It was natural, but it was scary, as change always is.

"Your hair is growing so fast." She set the towel on his shoulder and leaned her head on it. "It's gonna be Rapunzel long again. I can put it in cornrows." He laughed. "I'm glad you know how bad that would look."

She unwrapped herself from him scooted to the other side of the bed. Bucky shook his head. "This bed's too soft."

"You thought so too? God, I thought it was just me..." She sighed. "Tony's not hard-knocks. Except for that time he was trapped in a cave, of course."

"Trapped in a cave? Christ..."

"That's how Iron Man was born. I might fill you in on that story later. Just know it was stressful and I don't think I've ever had so many panic attacks." She began gathering her hair into two buns. "I know you and Tony can't be friends but it really does mean a lot to me that you're trying to get along for my sake."

"You love him so he can't be too bad."

Charlotte grinned. "You should treat yourself with the same grace and attitude... Steve's different now. I mean, of course, he's different to you but he's different to me too. Before the Accords and everything, I don't know, he seemed so wound up. I guess taking a break from Captain America was exactly what he needed."

Her voice drifted off as she finished her sentence, Bucky noticed. "Something you wanna talk about, doll?"

She shook her head, but that wasn't exactly true. She had something she wanted to talk about, but she wanted to be sure about it first. “Not right now." She finished her hair. "I should take these braids down, if I don't do it tonight I'll just forget.”

She dug a jar or two from her overnight bag and sat them on the bed for later. Bucky looked in his own bag for clothes to wear, watching her out the corner of his eye.

“They look beautiful on you.”

She smiled. “Thank you, I know how much you like touching them.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine, I have that habit too.” She giggled. “You're the one person who can do it though. It's you and no one else.”

Charlotte was naked except for his dog tag, a towel, and a curtain of bubblegum braids. Her skin was dewy from the shower, reflecting Tony’s warm bedroom lights like a halo. Bucky ran his tongue across his lips and it stuck in the corner when she let the towel drop, as if he were seeing her body for the first time. She felt him watching her and turned to him. His expression changed with a bright peach blush and an embarrassed laugh.

“Get dressed, Bucky.” She said with a smirk. She turned back to the drawers when she felt his flesh and blood arm wrap around her waist and pull her back. “Bucky!”

She bounced onto the bed and Bucky kissed her, running his fingers up her thighs and trying to resist sliding between them. She giggled and tried pushing him off but he didn’t budge, he pressed light kisses to her neck that felt more like tickles and she squirmed under him.

Charlotte laughed and squealed. “Stop or we’ll never leave this room!” He pulled away. She reached up and caressed his face. His twinkling eyes went from adoring to fearful as his thoughts moved faster than he could keep up with them. She saw it, she always did. “What’s on your mind, baby?”

He laughed at himself and shook his head. “I ask so much of you and I don't know if I say thank you as much as I should.”

“You thank me for things every day, Bucky.”

“It's not enough.”

“Bucky…”

He dipped his head into the crook of her neck. “Thank you for loving me.”

She started to sit up and he gently dragged her back down, trying to get her to listen to everything he needed to say. “Bucky Barnes, you don't have to thank me for that...”

“Thank you for being by my side even before you loved me. Thank you for letting me snore in your face and make bad jokes and take up space in your bed every night.”

Charlotte lifted his head up. “What's this about, Buck?”

He gently ran his metal knuckles along her jaw, staring into her eyes, which glittered like constellations that night. When they first met, her eyes barely glittered at all. She loved him, too. He had nothing to be afraid of.

“I wanna… I wanna call you my wife... Jesus, I’m shit at this…” Charlotte's smile fell. “I wanted to ask first. I know it’s old-fashioned, but I see you and I think about all those dreams I had when I was younger. Dreams I remember about having someone, making them smile in a place that’s just ours, and calling them mine. Now that’s _you_.”

She carded her fingers through his hair, gripping a handful before finally replying, “So call me your wife then.”

"I can't give you everything I want to give you."

"Give me what you can."

Bucky was stunned into silence. Charlotte sat up and took the towel from around his neck, then put it over her head like a veil. He lifted it and she took his hands, running her thumb tenderly along the smooth metal and skin.

“Do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take me, Charlotte Cherie Jones, to be your less than lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“I do. You may now kiss the bride.”

He laughed and kissed her gently, cradling the back of her head to let it linger. The moment only broke when there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Charlotte asked.

“It's G. We found alcohol in a hopeless place.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. It felt as if an actual wedding were being interrupted. “We'll be right out!”

Giselle went back to the party and Bucky kissed his wife again.

They eventually did get dressed and walked out to where their friends were waiting with glasses of peach vodka. All conversation ceased and everyone turned to the happy couple. Charlotte didn't ask how the alcohol got there, she didn't want to know. She radiated happiness for the first time in a long time. She was basking in the stupid bliss.

“Look at that smile!” Sam said. He turned to Wanda. “And you thought I was kidding when I said I knew a model.”

Bucky shot him a look and Charlotte bit her lip. “Careful, he's bristly,” she warned. Steve was closest to the bottle of vodka, so he poured her a glass. “Thank you! Not everyday you’re actually offering me a drink instead of slapping one from my hand, right?”

Steve grinned. “It’s a special occasion, isn’t it?”

She looked at Bucky. “In more ways than one.”

“Uh oh!” said G. She perked up and pulled out her phone, ready to capture any announcement. “Am I gonna be an aunt?”

Sam nodded. “Let’s just hope it looks more like mom.”

Bucky couldn’t stop the laugh that came out, he was in too good of a mood. “You know what, Wilson? Better my face than your forehead.”

“Okay, okay, kid’s got comebacks now!”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I’m not pregnant, by the way. But Bucky and I had a good talk.”

Giselle raised an eyebrow at Bucky and he nodded. She gasped. “Shut up! No way! Did I interrupt that earlier?”

“Interrupt what?” asked Steve.

Charlotte took a sip of her drink. “We sort of just… agreed to be married now.” The faces of their friends changed in an instant. Charlotte held a hand out. “No wedding, no ceremony. Just us. Don’t get loud.”

“But this is so exciting!” Sharon exclaimed.

“It just made sense. It felt right.” She saw Giselle shuffling through a music library to find the perfect song. “Is there anything slow in there?”

“Do you two have a song?” asked Wanda. “Vizh and I really like ‘Only For You’ by The Heartless Bastards.”

“That’s a great one!” G said. “What is it, lovebirds? You need to have your first dance.”

Charlotte and Bucky looked at each other. They didn’t really have a song, they had several. They spent hours listening to music together, looking out from balconies and rooftops. Music had become their love language.

Charlotte shrugged. “There’s too many to just pick one.”

Giselle picked an Earth, Wind & Fire song and Charlotte took Bucky’s hand. He let her lead him to the middle of the common area where they had space. He put one hand on the small of her back and the other held her hand.

The dance began nervously. At first, Bucky didn’t like having the others there for what felt like an intimate moment, but then he saw the looks on their faces. Something about their happy expressions made the moment feel surreal, and beautiful, like it was a real wedding, and his first chance to finally show how much he loved her to people that really mattered to them

He twirled her around and brought her back with a grin. “Now you’re loosening up, old man.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright…”

“You’re my husband, I always know when you’re nervous.”

He didn't think it possible but her calling him her husband was way better than calling her his wife. He pressed his forehead to hers and they swayed to the music. It started as a dance and devolved into them holding each other, grateful for this moment of happiness before the rest of the impending storm rolled in.

* * *

The night went on, there was a lot of dancing and laughter. They all shared their stories from being on the run and drank like crazy. After a few hours they were all ready to wind down.

Bucky sat on the couch across from Tony. They weren’t as guarded around each other anymore, but there was still that cold distance. Tony looked back at Charlotte, who was teaching Sam and Steve to gwara gwara.

"Steve, I love you, you're the whitest dancer I've ever seen," she said. Sam started laughing and she raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you're on thin ice, bud."

"Can Bucky do this?" Sam asked.

She smiled. "Yeah, actually."

"What?!"

Tony turned back to Bucky with a small laugh. “Really?"

"We had too much free time in Bucharest. It's not that hard, honestly."

"Huh. You know, before you two finally got out of my room, we were talking about your arm, Ivan Drago.”

Bucky sank into the couch. He'd heard this before. Sometimes when he escaped Hydra's hold, he'd find doctors in the forests. They were terrified of him and promised anything as long as their lives were spared. At the time he just wanted the arm off. It was too much weight. No matter how much he cleaned it always smelled like blood. If he could get off he could run faster and farther. But he found no such luck, it was always too much of a risk.

“That thing on your arm is shoddy Soviet tech,” Tony said. He leaned forward and reached his arm out for Bucky’s. “May I?”

“No.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Could Charlotte?” Bucky thought about it and nodded. “Lottie, can you come here?”

Charlotte noticed Bucky’s caught in the headlights expression. She rushed over, thinking she would be preventing a fight. “What?”

“Can you tell me about Mr. Barnes’s arm?”

She looked Bucky, asking for permission of her own. She wanted him to feel safe and know he was in good company. He nodded. “You sure?” He nodded again. She sat in his lap and pushed his shirt sleeve up gently. As her fingertips brushed over his scars, his hand rubbed small circles on her back.

“His arm’s functional but it’s not optimal. It's not put in correctly,” she told Tony. “The arm is practically a foreign frankenmuscle sewn to him and the scars are the tissue that the serum tried using to adapt the new arm to the body.”

“Sometimes it hurts,” Bucky added, keeping his eyes on her.  “Especially after I remember something the soldier did.”

“Psychosomatic symptoms can't be fixed with surgery,” G chimed in from across the room.

“Getting the arm off could help,” Charlotte said. “Out with the old, in with the new.”

Bucky looked at Tony and furrowed his brows. “Are you offering me a new arm?”

“Not just offering. I’ve already drawn up the model for it. Again, with help from Princess Shuri.”

Steve walked over to them. "Tony, are you serious?"

Bucky shook his head. “I could never take that from you…”

“That thing killed my parents,” Tony said. “I want it gone. I know you do too.”

Charlotte smiled. She opened her mouth the say something when her phone rang. The ID said that it was her director, Edgar. It was unexpected, especially so late, but she had to take it. She groaned and kissed Bucky on the cheek.

“Think about it.”

She climbed out of his lap and walked into the hallway to answer the call. Edgar was frantic, there were sirens and the sounds of a crowd in the background. She tried to focus on his voice, which was being drowned out by the chaos.

“What’s going on?”

“Where are you?!” Edgar asked. “You home?”

“No, I’m sorry. Something came up and I’m not in Manhattan right now. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who to call! AJ just jumped off a fucking building, Charlotte. He’s dead.”

Her eyes widened. Luckily, Bucky wasn’t paying attention to her, just listening to Tony. She turned away from the party and tried to think this through. AJ was dead. AJ was Hydra. The two had something to do with each other, she just didn’t know what yet.

“They keep saying they don’t know what happened for sure. Just that one minute he was on the roof and the next he was on the ground. One of the neighbors said some guy came to his place before he jumped. Did he seem off to you last time you spoke?” She didn’t respond. “Did he say something to you, Charlotte?”

She shook her head. Just like that, the moment of peace was shattered. “I… I don’t know. I’m coming back to the city right now. Just go home, get some rest and some quiet.”

“Alright, stay safe.”

“You too.”

The call ended. Charlotte held her phone in a tight fist and looked out at the party. She had to get back to New York. The longer she was out of sight, the more suspicious it would’ve looked to the police. Besides, there was no telling why this happened, not yet, and she wanted a closer look.

“Giselle!” she called out.

G ran over to her. “Something happen?”

“Yeah, yeah, we need to go back into the city right now.”

Bucky’s attention was caught, he turned to her and slowly stood. “We’re leaving?”

 _Shit._ She shook her head. “Giselle and I are going back to Manhattan, you’re staying here.”

“Staying here? Why?”

“There’s gonna be police around, Bucky. I can’t have you there.”

“Woah, what happened?” asked Tony. “Is it your parents again?”

“It’s AJ. AJ’s dead. Tony, I don’t have time to answer your many questions. I just need Bucky to stay here. If all goes well, I’ll be back in a day or two.”

Bucky wasn’t alright with this, at all. He wanted her to stay at the facility and ride out the storm just to be safe. “And if it doesn’t?”

She kissed him. “It will, Bucky. I need you to be optimistic for once, alright? Can you do that for me, baby?”

She wouldn't go until he promised not to panic, and it was obvious that would take some convincing. "Charlotte, not to be dramatic but the last time AJ was involved in something you ended up with bruises."

"Well, he's not involved, he's dead." she said. 

"That makes it so much better..."

"Bucky, this can't just go away, I have to deal with it. If I had my way I'd be here with you all night, you know I would. But that's not smart."

Steve put his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Buck, I know you wanna protect her, but she can't risk you getting caught." He turned to his goddaughter. "She's so much tougher than she looks, you know that. Anything happens, Charlotte can handle it."

"I learned from the best," she reminded him.

He looked down, she nuzzled his nose with hers, knowing he loved when she did that. "C'mon, don't do that."

"It's only for a day, Bucky. I need to know you'll be okay here. I'll call Tony when I get home."

He let out a deep sigh. "Please be careful."

“I was born careful. I’ll be back. Please stay here and try to relax.” After one last long kiss, she ran towards her room to get her jacket. Giselle ran out to get the car.

Bucky was left behind, terrified but trying to be optimistic. All he could see in his mind was flashing police lights and chaos. This was Hydra’s doing, and they were trying to trap Charlotte, and the only way she could deal with it was to walk into the trap alone. 

"She knows what she's doing," Tony told Bucky. "I watched her charm the pants off of a Russian diplomat once. Got him to admit to loving Sade."

Bucky turned in search of the vodka. "I just want us to have one good fucking day..."


	22. With A Little Help From My Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's a Superhero

Police were standing at the door when Charlotte and Giselle arrived home. Charlotte didn’t even close the passenger side door when the officers started walking in her direction. She had to stay cool. Not staying cool would only increase suspicion, and Giselle somehow managed to drive impeccably while buzzed after refusing to call a cab, and she really would have preferred not to spend extra time away from the Avengers facility for that.

The officers looked at the two women and Charlotte stepped forward. One of them eyed Charlotte’s jacket as she got closer.  “Is there a problem, officers?”

“Hello ma’am, are you aware that AJ Moranis fell from his building earlier tonight?”

“A mutual friend called me about it, yeah. Shame.” She cleared her throat. “He was really quite talented.”

“You don’t seem to be too broken up about it,” said the officer eyeing her jacket. His partner pulled out a pad and a pen. “Was there any animosity between you two?”

She had to be careful. She didn’t do anything but she wanted to be honest so that she could be left alone. “He assaulted me in a club. There was a bit of animosity, but I’ve been out of town all day. We just got back.”

“From where?”

“The Avengers compound,” Charlotte replied. “Tony Stark can vouch for me.” The partner stopped writing and looked her in the eyes. “Lifelong friend, sir.”

“Jesus, the social circles of the rich are insular.”

Charlotte started noticing the first officer’s fixed stare. “Our grandparents knew each other in the war. Should we be going to the station or is this enough?”

“Do you have somewhere else to be?”

“Talking to cops makes everyone nervous,” said Giselle. “Especially two women of color.”

“Hey, we’re just here to ask a few questions.”

“Am I a suspect?” Charlotte asked. She specifically pointed the question in the direction of the officer staring at her. “Or may we go?”

The officer stepped back. “Ma’am, do we have permission to look around?” Charlotte looked back at Giselle. “It’s not a search, just a routine look through.”

“I don’t think that’s routine.”

“It is, if you give consent.”

Charlotte swallowed her suspicion and gave G the cue. “We have nothing to hide,” she said.

Giselle fished her keys out and walked up to the front door of the apartment. The officers followed her and Charlotte followed them. Something definitely felt… off. She hadn’t been around many police officers but these men didn’t carry themselves like police officers. They had a police car and they were wearing police uniforms, but they didn’t look like police officers at all.

Charlotte crossed her arms over her chest and they waited for G to unlock the door. The officer who’d been eyeing her jacket turned to her with a small grin. It wasn’t exactly a friendly one. “That belong to your grandfather?”

“It did. Now it belongs to me.”

“The passing of a torch, huh? Your parents must be so proud.”

Charlotte faked a smile. “Proud as can be.”

Giselle unlocked the door and they all walked inside. Charlotte kept watch of the officers as they looked around the space with flashlights. The officer who’d been taking notes had a tattoo on his upper back that she could see from the small bit of neck exposed. The one who’d been watching her was still watching her from the corner of his eye as he descended down the hallway. She decided to follow him the closer he got to the bedroom she’d been sharing with Bucky.

He got into the room and started looking around, particularly around the dresser. Charlotte stood in the doorway with her arms still crossed and her heart thumping in her chest. The officer flashed his light at the jewelry box a second time and looked back at her.

“You ladies are a funny bunch,” he said. “So preoccupied with shiny things. And they say men have obsessions with hardware.”

“I get a lot of beautiful jewelry for free, I’m not one for refusing gifts.”

“Mmhmm…” He crossed to the other side of the room. “Can I open the closet, ma’am?”

She swallowed. Her grandfather's letters were in there, along with the letters Rebecca gave her. “Feel free.”

He opened the closet and started chuckling. “Are you into cross-dressing or are these your man’s shirts?” Charlotte didn’t reply. “You can tell me, I won’t go blathering off to the Daily Mail, cross my heart.”

“I have a boyfriend, yes. Sometimes he stays over.”

“Good for you.” He walked out of the room and back to his partner. “Welp, thanks ladies. You are clean, just as I thought.”

“Fabulous.” Giselle opened the door. “Have a nice life.”

The officers left. Charlotte immediately went to the window and watched them drive off from behind their curtains, then she turned to Giselle with terrified eyes. “Not only were those not cops, those men were Hydra.”

“Hydra? How do you know?”

“That guy said, in a Queens accent, ‘I won’t go blathering off to the Daily Mail’. He’s a British person pretending to be an American, Hydra likes to import.” She took a deep breath. “The police had no reason to pay me a visit. I’m not family, I don’t need to be notified of the death. I haven’t seen his ass in days. They’re looking for the ring or my grandfather's work. We need to be ready for them to come back.”

Giselle ran her hands through her hair. “My safe’s full of weapons, the code to unlock it is 7477.”

“Is that the safe in the back of your closet?” She nodded. Charlotte went to go unlock it, then paused. “7477. Is that just you typing ‘PISS’ into an old cellphone?”

Giselle giggled. “Yeah.”

She rolled her eyes. “Unbelievable, no wonder you and Nat work so well.”

Charlotte walked to G’s room and found the safe in the back of her closet. She punched in the code and opened it to find all of Giselle’s old guns and knives. Her family let her leave the business, but not without some handy tools for survival.

Charlotte didn’t want the gun, they had neighbors and no silencer. She picked up a few knives. It was a gamble, she wasn’t trained to use knives at all. The mere idea of stabbing someone was rather off-putting, Bucky sometimes said that she would apologize to the car that hit her before thinking about the fact that she’d gotten hit by a car. She had to remember that she had control over her powers and, if it came to that, her grandparents had her covered.

“Alright, Bucky, I said I’d be back in a day or two and I meant it,” she said, strapping the knife holsters to her pants. She looked up to the sky as if it could deliver her husband a message. “Please, for the love of God, don’t panic.”

* * *

Bucky was panicking. He tried holding it back, but he couldn’t. Charlotte was strong and capable. She could handle herself in an interrogation room, she could handle herself in a fight, but she didn’t know Hydra, not like he did. Hydra was ruthless. It was brutal. It left bruises that healed but still stung, it broke him once. He couldn’t imagine that they couldn’t do that to Charlotte in a day or two.

He was back in Tony’s lab now, this time with a few spare scientists, including Dr. Helen Cho. They were looking at this arm and shoulder, measuring them in order to make a proper prosthetic. Tony oversaw the whole process, it was a nice distraction from his own panic.

“Leaving her and G alone was a bad fucking idea,” Bucky said.

Steve sighed. “Buck--”

“Risk or no risk, they should have someone else there.”

“Charlotte’s being responsible.”

“I know, and I’m not, but she’s my wife.” He looked at his best friend with a smile dancing in his eyes. “I thought this was behind me, behind us.”

Tony groaned. “Talking about it isn’t helping, obviously.”

Bucky glared at him. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“There is nothing else to do. Look, she called and said she was back home, she’s fine for now.” He looked him in the eyes and pointed his pen at the scarred shoulder. “Just imagine her face when she comes back and you’re brand new. She’ll do that excited Barbie doll smile of her’s.”

Sharon laughed. “I still can’t believe you already made a prototype arm.”

Tony shrugged. “Charlotte started telling me all about her boy over here and the genius gears started turning, what can I say?”

Sam rolled his eyes. He noticed Bucky’s far-off look and stepped towards him. “Hey, broken white boy, you okay?” Bucky looked at him, and that was all the response he needed. “Try to focus on something else..."

Steve immediately thought of something. "Has Charlotte showed you around the city?"

"A little bit," Bucky replied. "It's hard to get out but we do."

"The first thing she did when she found out I was alive was take me to a movie."

He chuckled. "Sounds like her. We haven't done that yet. We mostly watch movies in the living room, on the floor. Giselle has a projector." A smile crept onto his face. “Charlotte loves Miss. Congeniality. She knows every word. She likes a lot of French movies, too. She talks to me about us going to France someday to see Monet's gardens."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You like gardens?"

"They're relaxing, Wilson. I'm not made of steel." He glanced at his arm. "Not entirely... I think I'm tired of cities. We both are. We just need to go back to the quiet for a while. A garden would be a nice place for that, right?"

Dr. Cho looked at the shoulder scarring one last time before writing something down in her notes. “Mr. Barnes, I think I could have you in a new arm by the end of the night.”

Bucky sighed and thought about that Barbie doll smile Tony mentioned. He could see it clear as day on Charlotte’s face. She’d probably cry. She’d _definitely_ cry.

“What’s stopping us then?”

* * *

It was two in the morning. Charlotte and Giselle laid on the living room floor, pretending to sleep. They were waiting, anxious but ready for anything. The veins in Charlotte’s hands and wrists were already glowing. There was a rumble, the sound of Giselle’s metal fire escape clashing with four feet speeding quickly towards their kitchen. Charlotte let her hand rest on the holster of one of the knives.

The two Hydra agents climbed in. They had flashlights. They surveyed their immediate surroundings and found nothing.

“Проверьте спальню,” said one to the other. “Позаботьтесь о Шарлотте.”

Giselle turned to Charlotte for a translation. "Take care of Charlotte," she mouthed back. "They're trying to kill me."

"Great," G mouthed back. 

Charlotte and Giselle slowly rose when the goons backs were turned. One walked towards the bedroom, leaving the other alone, helpless. Earlier, Charlotte and Giselle took their shoes to prevent noise. Charlotte kept her frightened breathing level and quiet.

She hooked her arm around the goon’s neck, stuffing a rag into his mouth and covering it with her hand. Giselle held the point of her knife at his throat and gave him a nonverbal warning not to make a noise. Then, he felt the cold steel of Charlotte’s knife press against his jugular, her hands glowing bright, her eyes were now glowing bright too.

Charlotte knocked him on the side of the head and he fell unconscious. She gently lowered him down on the ground. They heard the other Hydra agent rummaging through her jewelry box.

Then, Giselle’s phone buzzed.

Her eyes grew wide, and Charlotte’s flickered. The jewelry box quickly shut. Giselle checked the caller id and pointed towards the front door. Charlotte ran to answer it, thinking it would be the police, surprised to see Natasha in her suit with her Widow’s Bite ready and charged. She winked at her.

The Hydra agent barged out into the hallway with the jewelry box under one arm, and a gun with a silencer in the other. He was far larger than the first, and he came out with guns blazing. Giselle managed to dodge the shots, and Natasha charged ahead. She hit the attacker with her Widow’s Bite and he fell, but not without a defiant, blind shot before dropping his gun.

“Lights on!” Giselle commanded, and they saw their intruder in the light of day. She climbed over the sofa she’d hidden behind and grabbed the jewelry box. “Nice try, fucker.”

"What do you need the ring for?" asked Natasha. "Why did you come?"

"The ring was to frame her," he replied. "But I thought it would be better to get her instead."

She saw him struggling for it so Charlotte kicked the gun away. He glared up at her and mustered the strength to resist Natasha’s shocks. He swept her ankles with his huge legs and used his weight to get back on his feet, unsteady but pissed.

He turned to Charlotte and swung for her head. She caught it and he swung with the other fist, managing to hit her this time. It was a hard hit, one that knocked spit from her mouth. She blinked in shock and held her aching jaw.

Natasha climbed up his back and tried shocking him again when he threw her off. Charlotte grabbed him by his shirt, exerting the strength of both grandparents, and probably even Peggy, in her fist. She raised him up and tossed him back.

"You're stronger than AJ said you were..."

“Giselle, call the police,” said the voices coming from Charlotte’s mouth.

Giselle didn’t hesitate. She called the police, asking for an ambulance just in case.

The Hydra agent stood up again, but Natasha had him this time. She shocked him in his side and grabbed his wrists. Giselle used the moment to launch herself from the couch and deliver a hard fist to his face. Charlotte finished him off, using the jewelry box to knock him out.

The three women stood over the Hydra agents and took deep breaths. Giselle looked around the apartment and groaned. “Great, now I have to fucking redecorate.”

Charlotte’s eyes returned to brown and she immediately had to balance herself on a wall. Her vision went black for a moment. It was the most she’d ever done with her powers and they’d taken a great toll.

She looked up at Natasha with a smile. "Have I told you recently how much I fucking adore your ass?"

"No, but I'm always up for hearing it."

Charlotte giggled, but it seemed to hurt. She thought it was just her body recovering from the hard work. "When'd you get back?"

"G called me when you were peeing or something."

"Oh, cool cool cool. Glad to see you."

“Charlie…” Natasha breathed. “Charlie, your side…”

It hit her in a wave, the pain. It began as a dull ache, and a growing wet spot on her shirt. She looked down and gripped the bleeding spot, hissing and squeezing tears from her eyes. “Fuck this is the world’s shittiest wedding night...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't Panic!


	23. Miserable v. Exhausted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, i've been massively distracted

Charlotte was clammy and almost unconscious when they got to the Avengers facility. Giselle and Natasha immediately took her to Dr. Cho, but were surprised to see that Bucky was already laying on a table there, with Steve, Sam, and a brand new arm. Now the girls had questions of their own, but no time.

“She’s been shot!” Giselle said. “She’s bleeding a ton, we put pressure on it as much as we could but it was a long drive.”

Dr. Cho immediately pulled up a table for Charlotte, who was too weak to stand or walk on her own. Steve and Sam launched to help. Steve picked Charlotte up and carried her to the table, there was blood dripping down and staining her jeans.

“Why didn’t you take her to a hospital in the city?” asked Steve.

“She told us not to,” Giselle replied. “Trust me, that was our first move.”

Sam knew he’d have to move Bucky just in case he woke up in the midst of all this turmoil. “What do I do with him, doc?”

Dr. Cho thought quickly. “Take him into the next room.” She lifted Charlotte’s shirt and her brows knit together. “You came just in time, a few more minutes and she’d be dead.”

Steve looked down at his goddaughter, cradling her head. He remembered the pride in her eyes when they first met, like they were old friends reuniting. He needed that kindness. He couldn’t bear to lose anyone else, especially not her. “Can you save her?”

“Yes, but we have to act fast.”

Charlotte heard all of this as if she were trapped on the inside of a fishbowl. It was muffled and distant, then it was silent. As she fell unconscious, she was in the dark. Darkness and silence was all she knew.

In the back of her mind she knew this wasn’t death. It was certainly dying but not death. Death didn’t smell like this, trees and grass. She could hear birds chirping and feel the sun on her face.

She opened her eyes. Charlotte was sitting at a picnic with her grandparents. The sun beamed down and she could feel its warmth as if it were real. They smiled bright and handed her a glass of wine. She took the glass politely, but a sense of dread washed over her. “Am I dead?”

Gabe laughed. “No, baby girl. You’re not. You’re out cold, and you will be for about a day while we heal you from the inside.”

“Soon as Dr. Cho gets that bullet out, you’ll be just fine,” said her grandmother. “For now just relax and try not to fight it.” Charlotte shuffled uncomfortably and her grandmother reached out and took her hand. “You did so well tonight.”

“Yeah, well, turns out I’m pretty good at fighting Nazis. Family business, I suppose.”

Ursula sucked her teeth. “It was the family side gig, there ain’t no family business. Nazis aren’t good business.”

Gabe shrugged. “Well, they’re like cockroaches, so you’d never be unemployed.”

“Gabriel.”

“I hear you, darling.”

The thought of becoming a Nazi fighter exhausted her. She hadn’t really taken stock of everything until this moment. Her powers had been her little secret for so long that winning a fight with them, and getting shot, was like a debut of a new self that she wasn’t sure she wanted out there yet, or at all.

She liked her powers. They made her feel strong, they made her feel capable. When she was with Aaron, that’s all she ever wanted. She wanted control and power that he would never let her have. But Aaron was long out of her life. She had control and she had power and she had _powers_ … But did she need them?

Before her powers really kicked in, the only thing standing between her and Bucky having a stable life was the risk of being thrown in prison for harboring a fugitive. Now there were so many more risks. It didn't seem worth it. 

Gabe and Ursula noticed her hesitation and moved closer to her. “We’re in your mind, baby.” said Gabe. “Talk to us.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Charlotte replied. “What is there to say?”

“Charlotte, I know you don’t like this life,” said Ursula. “We didn’t like it much either, but we signed up for it. You didn’t. I’m sorry you got some bad genes.”

She shook her head. “Bad genes? These are the best genes I could’ve gotten. Sure, I don’t _love_ having powers, but I’m your girl, I got them from you. That means something.”

“ _You_ mean something without the powers. You mean so much to a lot of people. You want a normal life, something stable with Bucky, I wanted that with Gabe. But bullshit like this is gonna follow you if you choose to be a superhero.”

Charlotte looked down, trying to sustain her brave face that was wavering quickly as her lip began to tremble. Her grandfather wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and it felt as warm as it did when he was alive.

“You choose what your life’s gonna be,” Gabe told her. “You have to get Hydra off your back, but if you don’t wanna use your powers after that, you won’t have to. You know how to control them now, so you can choose not to use them.”

“But you said there’s work to be done.”

“Yes, you have a mission to finish with Bucky. That doesn’t mean you have to be a superhero forever, baby.”

“How do I finish this mission?”

“You’ll know when you get there, trust me. You’ve burned bad memories with Bucky before.” Ursula took her hand. “Light the match and let it all burn.”

Charlotte wasn’t sure what that meant, but she trusted that she would someday.

* * *

About an hour later, Bucky woke up in Tony’s bedroom. Startled, he jolted upright only for Sam and Natasha to rush to his bedside. He looked down at the new arm, it was much darker than his old one, and sleeker. It moved like a human arm, carrying less weight.

The arm before wasn’t meant to be an arm, it was meant to be leverage for a fist. He was never supposed to heal from the fall, he was always meant to decay and decay until Hydra felt it was time to dispose of him. This arm didn’t feel like a burden, or a modification of a weapon, it felt like a genuine prosthetic.

He definitely did feel like a patient, however. He wasn’t in a hospital but that didn’t change how it felt. Feeling like a patient wasn’t so bad compared to feeling like a prisoner of someone else’s war.

He wiggled his fingers around. “When I first sat up, I was going to ask when Natasha got here, but now I just don’t care.”

Sam and Natasha laughed. “How you feeling?” asked Sam. “Still got that mean left hook?”

Bucky smirked. “I wouldn’t test that so soon, Wilson. I feel good.” He ran his fingers across the bedsheets and felt everything that he felt with his flesh and blood hand. There was something so human about being able to feel again. “When Charlotte gets here, I probably won’t be able to take my hands off her...”

Their smiles faded for a moment, but they made quick recoveries. Bucky didn’t miss that, but the two of them carried on conversation hoping that he had.

“Dr. Cho says the arm feels like muscles and nerves, but it still doesn’t react to pain the way a human arm would, so you can keep throwing yourself in front of cars,” Sam told him. “Just try not to make it my car next time.”

“Just for that, I’m making it my mission to dent your bumper.” He squeezed his hand into a tight fist and released it. “It’s like I know my own strength again… I used to get worried about that all the time. I dented one of Giselle’s door knobs once because I was nervous…”

“This should help you,” Natasha said. “It’s the little changes that make you feel different.”

Bucky nodded. “I know. Damn, this thing is amazing. It reminds me of all the experiments and inventions I used to read about in the papers.”

“Like the toaster?”

“I’m younger than the toaster, Sam.” He looked between them. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” they lied.

“Don’t do that.” He leaned forward. “Did something happen?”

“I saved Charlotte and brought her here,” said Natasha. “She’s fine.”

“Then why do you two look like that?” They looked at each other. “Something happened, didn’t it?”

“Bucky, wait!” Sam grabbed his shoulder just as he was lifting himself from the bed. “Dr. Cho told us to keep you here and keep you still until we heard back from her. I’ll tell you everything if you sit down first.”

Reluctantly, Bucky sat back down on the bed and waited for his two friends to start talking. His leg bounced nervously, and the silence was making him more anxious than the thousands of worst-case scenarios running through his head. Natasha was much better at breaking bad news, so she decided to have a go at it.

“Charlotte was shot by a Hydra agent and Dr. Cho had to give her emergency surgery,” she told him. “If we got here any later she would have died, but luckily she’s stable. She’s just unconscious and her body’s taking a while to heal itself.” Bucky tried processing everything slowly, but each word seemed to hit him in waves. “We’re keeping you on separate floors for the sake of both of you healing correctly.”

“Steve’s with her,” Sam assured him. “Just take it easy for now.”

That settled Bucky, slightly, but he couldn’t help the guilt. “Hey, she handled herself well,” Natasha told him. “Better than well, actually. The shot was practically the only scratch on her.”

“She’s a fighter, she always has been… She’s always had to be.” He cleared his throat. “God, I need water.” Sam handed him a water bottle. “It’s just frustrating.”

Sam sighed. “I know it is, and I know running and hiding constantly is miserable. Trust me.”

“It’s not miserable, it’s just exhausting. It would be miserable without her. It would be empty without her.”

“Then it’s a good thing she’s still here.”

* * *

Steve told Bucky when Charlotte woke up and was ready to see him. It'd been a long day, one of the longest of his life, waiting for her to smile at him again. It was an enormous relief when she did, even more of a relief when she was laughing. 

"I'm really mad I can't leave your sight without getting hurt," she told him. She gasped and covered her mouth. "Your arm! Come here!"

He walked over to her bedside. She just looked at it initially, but then she ran her fingers across the new, smooth appendage. It felt different to her, too. She sat up and ran her fingers all the way up to his shoulders, feeling for the scarred skin that just wasn't there anymore. He didn't need to say a word, she saw the fresh look in his eyes and knew how happy he was. 

She brought her hand down and held his. "So much happened."

"Yeah, well, we're still here."

"Yeah," she replied. Tears welled in her eyes. "We're still here."

She shifted over so that he could lay next to her. He climbed into the bed and kissed the top of her head. In that moment, they stared up at the ceiling, both recognizing this as the calm before the storm. But this time, they would be ready for the storm, they would be ready for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kicking names and taking ass, coming soon


	24. Notifying the Next of Kin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> four left good Lord... so soon...

The phone rang twice, and each time Charlotte thought about hanging up, but Bucky’s hand was on her shoulder. They were together and safe for now, this was just another safeguard. As long as they were violating the law, and as long as their lives were in danger, it was important that everyone who was at risk knew they were at risk.

Charlotte’s parents had already been hit hard, Hydra was indifferent towards hurting them. She would prefer to prevent it before it happened, that way she wouldn’t have to react after the fact.

“Hey princess, what’s going on?” her dad’s voice felt so warm, like steam wafting from hot tea. “Your mom and I have been watching the news, they picked up some burglars at G’s house. Are you okay?”

Charlotte cleared her throat. “Fine, dad. G and I are fine.”

There was a pause as Charlotte let out a shaky breath. Bucky rubbed her back. “Why do you sound so nervous?”

“I have a lot to tell you, and I’m not really sure how to tell you any of it. I guess I should start with the biggest thing.” She turned to her husband. “Giselle and I have been hiding Bucky in our apartment for a while now… And I married him… It wasn’t legal but it was something.”

There was rustling on the other end. She figured her call must’ve woken her father up because it sounded like he was rising from his bed to go into the hall. The gesture was half-appreciated, she didn’t want to have to be the one to explain all of these new developments to her mother. It wasn’t that she was afraid she would be mad, she was afraid that she’d try to get involved.

A door shut, and her father let out a light chuckle. “You’re married?!”

“I’m sorry, I know I took away your chance to walk me down the aisle and you haven’t even met him y--”

“There will be a time for that later, I’m not upset.” Charlotte smiled and squeezed Bucky’s thigh, but that was only half of the news, and the other news wasn’t nearly as positive. She wasn’t going to break his moment of joy so soon. “Is he with you right now?”

“He is, do you want to speak to him?”

“Nope! I wanna meet the man in person, shake his hand.” Now Bucky let out a relieved sigh. “Is that all?”

“I wish it were,” she replied. “We’re at the Avengers Compound right now. Me, Bucky, and G… I got shot when the burglars broke in.”

“You WHAT?”

The door creaked in the distance, Charlotte’s heart started to race. The only thing keeping her calm was Bucky’s presence, his constant reassuring whispers in her ear. She was doing well, she just had to keep going. This was for their safety, her discomfort was not the primary issue.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” her mother asked her father. “Who is on the phone?”

“Lottie! She said she got married and shot.”

“In the same day?”

Charlotte pinched the bridge of her nose. “Dad, put me on speaker.” He did as she asked. “I did get shot and married on the same day, they were unrelated incidents.”

“Who shot you?!”

“A Hydra agent…”

“HYDRA?!”

“Guys… Please, listen to me…”

“Were they after Bucky?”

“They were after me, please listen to me!”

Her parents grew silent and Charlotte tried to figure out where to start. She supposed it would be best to start at the beginning. That meant starting before she even met Bucky. In the middle of a dancefloor at her twenty-first birthday.

She told them all about her powers, how she’d gotten them, how Tony hid them for her. She was so excited for them to know she’d gotten them under control, that she wasn’t just sitting on a bomb anymore. She described all of the ways that Bucky helped her, and how that seemed to help him. It was a long, hard story to tell, but she wanted them to understand why she’d hidden it from them for so long. It was nothing Bucky hadn’t heard but he was still struck by how strong she was. Charlotte had more spine than anyone he’d ever met and he felt like she was finally starting to see that.

An hour of questions followed. Her parents understood, and they were understandably terrified for her. Her father seemed to find the bright side in the company she kept.

“At least you’re with the Avengers,” he said. “I couldn’t imagine you and Bucky or you and G dealing with this on your own.”

“I would be dead without the Avengers. That doesn’t mean this is over, that doesn’t mean they’re done coming after me.”

“Do you think they’ll come for us?” asked her mother.

“They’ve already tried it once,” she replied. “When your house was broken in, they were there for something of grandma’s anything they could possibly use, maybe DNA, or information about the serum.”

“The gene skipped me, they’d have no use for me.”

Charlotte shook her head. “That won’t make a difference. If you give them nothing, you’re still bait for me, and I’ll come get you no matter what.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You two are what’s left of my family, I won’t let them hurt you.”

“You have Bucky now, that’s your new family. You need to protect yourself and your genes.”

Bucky leaned forward and took a deep breath. “Um, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, this is Bucky.” The line went silent. “I know you’re afraid, we are too. Ever since I found her again I’ve been terrified of her being taken away from me again, but I’m protecting her. The Avengers are doing their best to protect her.”

“I believe you, Bucky,” said her mother. “But she did get shot.”

“Okay, I want it on record that that wouldn’t have happened if I were allowed to come with her and I didn’t want her to be at the apartment in the first place.” Charlotte punched his shoulder, hard. “I’m sorry, dollface, I’ll let it go.”

“I wouldn’t have let him come with me. It was too much of a risk.”

“You know how she is. I can’t stop her from protecting you. I can’t stop her from doing anything… I’d never try.”  She grinned at him. “I’m her new family, but I’m yours too.”

Charlotte could believe it but she’d started to cry. It wasn’t so much what Bucky said, but the look on his face. In that moment, he realized that he had a new family, a new father and mother to call his. His eyes were practically sparkling, his promise to protect them was said with brand new conviction.

“You were always family, Bucky,” Charlotte’s mother told him. “Us Joneses have been waiting for you to come home to us.”

“When all this is over, we’ll throw you and Lottie a proper wedding. Somewhere down south, it’s what her grandmomma would’ve wanted.”

“Dad, come on…”

“You deserve it and I’ve already decided on it.”

“Thanks dad.”

“We’d do anything for you, and for Bucky.”

Bucky smiled. “Thank you, sir.”

They said their goodbyes and the called ended. It was like a thousand weights had been lifted from her back, Charlotte felt as free as she did when she burned all her suicide notes in Bucharest. It was no surprise that Bucky was there for her both times, there to comfort her, there to assure her that she was doing the right thing for herself.

He pressed his forehead to hers and grinned. “That wasn’t so bad.”

Charlotte reached up and pulled his head down, kissing him softly. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Bucky kissed her again. “The wedding has to be down south?"

"Yeah, probably Atlanta or DC." 

He shrugged. "Sounds fun." 

She rubbed her thumb across his rough stubble. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"Of course not, how dare you?" Bucky's hand moved up her thigh. "Lie back for me.”

She giggled. “Right now?”

Bucky backed off. “Do you not want it?”

“No, I do, you just surprised me.”

He shrugged. Charlotte laid down on her back and let herself enjoy the trail of kisses he left from her lips to her shoulders. “You’ve been stressed.” He nipped her stomach with his teeth, making her yelp. “We both have, and I missed just being a regular person with you.”

He sat up and slipped her panties off, then kissed her hips and her thighs. She bit her lip and watched him, carding her fingers through his hair. She missed this, too. Moments where they could just exist without paranoia. Romania felt like their own little world, where they were free to be the only inhabitants.

She could pretend then, that they were still there somehow, right now, with him.

“When this is over, I’ll do this more often,” he promised, his voice already deepened with lust.

Charlotte grinned. “I clearly married a slut.”

“Only for you,” he said with a laugh.

He kissed her, soft and slow, holding her wrists to let her know she didn't have to do a thing. All she had to do was breathe. He’d handle the rest. Bucky's version of lazy sex was barely lazy, his lips didn't disconnect from her skin as he made his way down her jaw to her ear. He flicked her earlobe with his tongue, and she giggled.

“Did you just lick my ear?”

“Was that too much?”

“No, it was so hot, do it again.” He repeated the motion and they laughed together. She combed her fingers through his hair and looked over at him. “I remember when you were too afraid to touch me.”

Bucky froze. It all came racing back, how he was floating in the wind trying so hard to not get attached to anything, knowing his time was always limited. Softness, being tactile, those things felt like pipe dreams before Charlotte inspired him to enjoy touch again.

He kissed her neck then returned to her lips for just a moment. “I didn't know you were the one.”

“You don't have to flirt, we're married.”

“You're worth it. Now, if you don't mind, I think I should have my mouth full right now, sweetie.”

* * *

 

Charlotte’s body still ached, she needed to lie down. Bucky left her so that she could rest peacefully, and he joined some of the others in the common room. In that moment, although he knew and liked everyone in the room, Bucky realized that he didn’t quite feel like he belonged. These people were heroes. He was a hero once, too. But that felt a different person, incomparable to the one he was now. If Charlotte knew he was thinking like that, she’d probably kill him.

In the back of his mind, he heard her telling him she was his hero. That was enough, more than enough actually, for him to sink into the chair and try to relax. He swore, that girl wasn’t therapy but she was definitely something.

“How’d it go?” asked Giselle.

“It went better than Charlotte thought it would,” he replied. “So it went well.”

Steve chuckled. “Charlotte has always been an optimist for everyone besides herself.”

“You saw her scumbag ex, it’s impossible to feel positive with that thing around.” G got up and walked towards the kitchen. “You want anything, Buck?”

“No, I’m good.” Steve noticed the tension in Bucky’s shoulders, and Bucky kept his eyes low. “Her parents are so kind. I mean, I knew they would be… I just hope I don’t let them down.”

Giselle returned with a loud laugh and sat down across from him.  “That’s hard to do, they love everyone and they don’t care about the past. Hence me getting a stocking on their fireplace every Christmas since I was seventeen.”

“Everything’s good right now.”

“Better than good, actually. The CIA has the Hydra agents in custody, and they might have found a warehouse where the rest have been hiding.” Sharon grinned. “If they don’t clear out before the CIA gets there, this might resolve itself.”

Bucky leaned forward, thinking everything over. It wouldn’t resolve itself, that was too easy, nothing they’d ever gone through had been that easy.

“Hydra agents usually catch wind of what’s happening once some of their own go missing so it might. It might not.” His eyes flashed up to meet hers, and lit bright with an idea he knew she wouldn’t approve of. “Where’s the warehouse?”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Bucky…”

Bucky raised a pacifying hand in Steve’s direction. “Charlotte’s sleeping and I’m not about to do something without clearing it with her, relax… But I really need this warehouse out of the way.”

“We’ll handle it, Buck. Not you and Charlotte. You’ve done enough. She’s already been shot once.”

“Fine. Try to convince her to stay here and rest, but I want to go through that warehouse myself.”

“Buck--”

“Steve, the only thing that kept me from running through every Hydra agent I could find was my fear of them triggering me and me being trapped as the Soldier again. That’s not a problem anymore, and they’re targeting the woman I love, so don’t tell me to sit this one out. This is one fight I can’t miss.”

“Where’s the fight?” Bucky froze and turned, Charlotte was leaning on the wall behind him with a concerned expression. “Fight with who?”

Giselle grabbed her drink and got up. “Ah shit…”

Before G could leave the room, Charlotte stepped in front of her. “No, no one’s leaving, what’s going on? Did they find the dudes that shot me?”

Everyone in the room looked at everyone else to be the spokesperson. No one spoke up, especially not Bucky. Sharon was used to breaking odd news by now, so she took the initiative.

“They found a Hydra warehouse through the men who attacked you. Bucky and Steve were just discussing what to do about that.”

Charlotte turned to Bucky. “Are we going?”

“I want to.”

“And… Am I excluded from this?” She chuckled. “I mean, I don’t _love_ fighting but it’s Nazis.”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, don’t you get exhausted when you use your powers?”

She rolled her eyes. “I get exhausted easily regardless, I have depression, Steve. You have it, too.” Charlotte sat down on the arm of Bucky’s chair. “I’m not about to be the damsel in distress who stays home while her husband goes on big missions. I’m tired of being so passive.”

“You’ve never been passive a day in your life,” Giselle argued. “I think Steve's just trying to limit the amount of potential casualties.”

“I handled myself pretty well at the apartment.”

“You were also extremely lightheaded when your powers turned off and you got shot.” Charlotte glared at her. “I’m just saying, that happened!”

“Describe to me what your powers do to your human body. Has the fatigue gotten easier or harder to manage since your powers first appeared?” Sharon asked. Charlotte didn’t answer immediately. She was definitely more tired this time than the last, and the last was more exhausting than the time before. But she was more confident, so she hadn’t given it much thought. “Charlie?”

She rolled her eyes. “I got shot, Sharon! I was bleeding!” Sharon crossed her arms. “Okay, I heal rapidly and all but I still have pain and I'm still tired.”

“Would that impact you if you needed to turn your powers off and on in the middle of a mission?” asked Steve. “Be honest.”

Charlotte wasn't about to be stubborn with Steve so she backed down, but Bucky stepped in as her last defense, as always. "There isn't any way at all that she could come with us? Maybe we could have a team of four, just in case Charlotte and I need to break away for whatever reason, there'll still be two people fighting. Or maybe she could be back-up." 

"So I can come rescue his ass for a change. Only if necessary!" She pouted in Steve's direction. "Please? I'll have my dad make those cupcakes you and Sam love so much." 

Steve sighed. "It's not up to me." 

Charlotte turned to Sharon. "Red velvet cupcakes with a shield design in the icing." 

"If you come along, you have to do everything I say," she said, reluctantly. "If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself, so please promise me that." 

She got up and extended her hand. Sharon met her in the middle of the room. They did their secret handshake from when they were teenagers, it was like muscle memory. Too much time spent at fussy Commandos events gave them time to come up with five step handshakes. In the end, they shook on it. 

"You two aren't gonna make me regret this are you?" Sharon asked. Bucky and Charlotte both grinned. "Oh boy..."


End file.
